


Fear Not This Night

by LelsieSphinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, CATWS AU, Canon Divergent, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Gen, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), POV Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky, Slow Build, Sort Of, Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier, Unreliable Narrator, What am I doing?, but not really, how do you tag?, modern!Bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-03-03 01:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 54,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13331052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelsieSphinx/pseuds/LelsieSphinx
Summary: Bucky keeps seeing the same guy around and is curious about him.Basically, Bucky keeps seeing Steve around and eventually takes him home to help him out. Clint and Natasha don't approve and approve even less when they figure out who Steve is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted more Winter Soldier Steve and Modern Bucky things. Beyond that, I have no excuse for this.
> 
> Title was shamelessly stolen from [this song.](https://youtu.be/-A8GcKcCPMk)

The first time Bucky saw the guy, he didn’t think too much of it. He was walking home after his shift at the bakery. For the morning shift, it had been pretty uneventful. After baking his share of the breads, muffins, and cookies, they had opened. They only had a handful of customers before his shift had ended. Currently, Becca was texting him, telling him she had finally started the book series he had recommended years ago.

 _Becca_ : but he can’t climb up something to hide everytime!

 _Bucky_ : he doesn’t! Just sometimes

 _Becca_ : I’m only a few chapters in and he’s already said it’s how he gets out of things buck.

 _Bucky_ : dosn’t mean he does it everytime! Besides no one ever looks up. :))

 _Becca_ : not true! I’m looking up right now  
_Becca_ : Img attached  
_Becca_ : :P

He laughed and raised his phone to take a picture of the sky and the tops of the apartment buildings. Only there was a man standing on the edge of the building across from him. Frowning, he lowered the phone. Bucky couldn’t see the guy very well, but he was well built, wearing dark colored cloths. Should he shout at him, call the police? What were you supposed to do when you think someone’s about to jump off a building? This was never something he thought he would deal with. Before Bucky could decide, another guy appeared just behind the first man. The newcomer said something and the man replied. A moment later, he turned around and walked away from the edge, the newcomer close behind him.

Still frowning, Bucky finished the short walk to his apartment, glancing back every now and then. It wasn’t until he opened his apartment that Becca texted him again that he (mostly) forgot about the guy.

~/*\~

Bucky was walking to the store; earbuds in and shoulders hunched. He was trying to exude a ‘don’t talk to me’ kind of aura. Not that he really expected anyone to talk to him, but better safe than sorry. He didn’t feel like dealing with people right now.

As such, he wasn’t paying complete attention to his surroundings turning a corner and went sprawling when a man literally ran into him. Bucky recovered quickly.

“Hey, watch where you’re…” He started to say. But the man had also fallen and was looking at him with something like terror in his eyes. He was dressed all in black with long sleeved shirt, cargo pants and boots. His dark blond hair was a little long. There was dirt and a couple small cuts visible where his short beard wasn’t covering his face. The man had obviously seen better days. Bucky felt a little bad.

“Are you okay?” He asked. But before he finished the man had glanced back where he had come from, jumped up, and started running again; as if trying to get away from something. The man hadn’t said anything. Bucky watched his retreating figure with worry. There was something vaguely familiar about him, but he couldn’t place what or why. The man was heavy on his mind for the rest of the day.

 ~/*\~

“He was scared, Clint. It just makes me feel kinda bad for snapping.”

After finishing at the grocery store, Clint had come over for dinner (actually he texted Bucky and said he was coming over with dinner. Which surprised him, as he hadn’t known Clint was back in town.) and now they were talking about the guy Bucky had run into.

“Dude, you’re not scary,” Clint told him around a mouthful of pizza “besides, he was probably late to something. I have to run to get to appointments all the time.”

“Because you are a great example of humanity.” Bucky deadpanned.

“Hey!” Clinted squawked, affronted. Bucky just laughed.

“Why is this guy getting to you anyway? So you ran into him, you both fell. Your interaction was what, ten seconds max?” He asked tilting his head.

Bucky frowned, thinking about it. Clint actually let him, and went back to eating.

“Just what I said, I guess. He was terrified of something, and I really hope it wasn’t me. He also seemed vaguely familiar, like I’ve seen him before, somewhere?”

“You’ve probably seen him in passing on the street. That happens.” Clint pointed out.

“Hmm.”

They lapsed into silence. The tv played softly, more background noise than entertainment. It was nice having Clint around. He didn’t come by often, either working or spending time with the girlfriend Bucky doesn’t believe actually exists.

“So are you going to tell me?"

Clint squints at him.

“Tell you what?” He asks cautiously. Bucky grins.

“Where you went for work this time.” He said innocently.

“I flew across the states.”

“I know you’re not a pilot, Clint. You can’t keep telling me that when you disappear.” He teases. Clint groans slightly, sitting up straighter.

“I am a pilot! I can fly a plane!”

“So you say!”

“So I can!”

“Nah, you just say that because it sounds cool. You come back too bruised for that job.” Bucky tells him.

“I didn’t this time!” Clint protests. He glares at Bucky and says “why are you bringing this up again? You know I can’t really tell you.”

“So you’re not a pilot!” Bucky crows. It’s become a game between them. Clint only vaguely refers to his job. Some sort of confidentiality agreement. All Bucky knows is it's a secret, occassionally dangerous (he assumes, since Clint will sometimes come back bruised or broken), and He works with Natasha. Bucky likes to make guesses based on the little information he has. The last attempt to make Bucky shut up was Clint telling him he was a pilot. Bucky suspects he enjoys this game more than Clint does. Sucks to be Clint.

“Yes I am,” Clint argues halfheartedly. His phone goes off. “Aww phone.” He pats down his pockets before finding it half under the couch. After reading the message, he snorts and types out a reply.

“Wow, texting while your with someone else? Rude, Barton.”

“It’s Nat. She’d kill me if I didn’t respond,” he pauses, looking up. “Probably.”

Bucky smirks, but keep his comments to himself while Clint finishes. When he looks up and sees Bucky’s face.

"Shut up, Barnes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's tags that need to be added, or something you might like to see in this, let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos, they really made my day! They are such a big help to feeling inspired for writing. :)
> 
> Warning for minor/ implied violence in the middle. Nothing serious, but it's there. More info in the end notes.

“Have a great day.” Bucky said to the last customer of the day. They left, and he strode over to the door and locked it.

“Maya! We’re closed!” He called.

“That’s just what you want me to think!” She called back from the kitchen. Bucky smiled and went to see what his boss was doing. She had, apparently, finished her task of mixing the overnight breads and was sitting by a box of donated books. He went and stood over her.

“Anything interesting?” He asked her. She shrugged and stood up.

“Nothing I’m interested in. You want to look or should we put them on the shelves now?”  
Bucky shrugged in response.

“Hmph. You’re no help.” She said sticking her tongue out at him. She picked up the box and handed it to him. “If you see anything interesting, it goes -”

“Closer to the front where they can be seen. Or grabbed by bored employees,” Bucky smirked. “I know.”

“Great. Have at it, kid.” She said before turning to a workstation.

“I’m older than you!” He says over his shoulder, walking back to the front.

“Only on Tuesdays!” Came the reply. He shook his head as she giggled.

There were a few short bookcases along the walls of the room, interspaced with booths. Maya had told him that before she opened the place, she couldn’t decide between a bookstore and a bakery. So she had bookcases of used books - most donated - that people could read, trade for other books, or buy. Nothing really stood out to him, so he just put the books were ever there was space.

Bucky finished and went into the back where Maya had started on another batch of dough.

“I thought you had finished making bread for the day,” He said, putting the box down. Maya looked up at him.

“I did. But I forgot I wanted to do something sweet, so I had to do more.”

“How many more?” He asked, moving to look at what she was doing, “and what kind?”

“Maybe six?” She said, prodding the bowl in front of her. Bucky blinked. “And I’m thinking Cinnamon or chocolate pecan. What do you think?” She finished looking up at him.

Bucky blinked at her again before turning to the fridge where she would have put the other doughs. There were already four in there. He turned back to her.

“You do know that you only have three people scheduled for the morning, right? There is no way we can make that much and still have time to finish everything else we need.”

Maya tilted her head, considering, before nodding. “Yep. Two it is then. One of each.” She turned back to her counter to finish mixing the bread. “Could you finish cleaning up the front while I finish this?” Bucky didn’t say anything, but went ahead and did so. It wasn’t that difficult. By the time he was finished, Maya had also finished mixing and mostly cleaning up her station.   
She didn’t say anything as she finished cleaning and then went about grabbing her things. Bucky made quick rounds around the shop, checking that the windows were locked and so was the front door. When he finished, he found Maya waiting at the back door for him.

“Do you want a ride today?” He asked. There had been a couple muggins happening in the area, and Maya had been worried about walking home; especially when she had to stay until it was dark. Since she had become good friends with Becca, Bucky hadn’t really thought too hard about making sure she got home safe. She shook her head as she opened up the door.

“Nah, there’s still daylight. I think I’m -” She started, before freezing.   
Concerned, Bucky stepped around her to see what she was staring at. There were two men in the alley and had obviously been fighting. One, oddly the bigger man, was pinned against the wall with the other’s arm against his throat. Bucky gently pushed Maya back into the building before calling out “Hey!”

The two men looked over at him. Bucky tried to make himself look bigger. “If you’re going to fight take it somewhere else.”

The pinned man took the opportunity to throw the shorter man off of him, running toward the alley’s opening. Something said in a different language made him stop just as he entered into the sunlight, making his hair shine. Another something said, Bucky assumed in the same language, and he turned around slowly. Bucky took in a sharp breath. It was the man he had knocked over the other day.

“Hey are you -” But he was cut off by the first guy.

“Everything’s fine, we just had a misunderstanding.” The guy strolled over to the blond man, gripped the back of his neck, and whispered something in his ear. The blond immediately froze, going pale.

“Wasn’t talking to you,” Bucky snapped, returning his attention to the blond man. “Are you ok?”

The blond man glanced at the man next to him and then at Bucky before turning his attention to his feet. He nodded once.

“See,” the man said brightly, “we’ll just be on our way. Sorry for the trouble.” He adjusted his grip on the blond man’s neck and led him away. Bucky watched them, feeling slightly uneasy. Turned back to the door, but glanced back at where the men had disappeared. He opened the door.

“Ready to go?” He asked Maya, who was standing just inside. She bit her lip and stepped outside. She then locked the door before glancing around the alley.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll take that ride after all.”

~/*\~

After he dropped Maya off home, it was a short distance to his own apartment. He was just opening his front door when his phone began to ring. He cursed when he saw it was Becca.   
Ignoring it for the moment, he quickly stepped into the front room, dropping his keys on the coffee table. Then he answered his phone.

“Hello,” He said, walking over to the fridge

“Are you getting into fights again?” Becca demanded.

Bucky groaned as he closed the fridge.

“Geez, Becs. Good to hear from you, too. How are you doing.”

“Don’t sass me, Bucky. Maya told me that there was a fight in the alley by the bakery and you got involved.” She snapped.

“Did she also tell you that I broke up the fight, and did not do any punching?” He asked, leaning against a counter.

There was a pause.

“No,” she admitted, “she just told me that there had been a fight outside. And you were involved.” The last part was said quietly.

Bucky sighed.

“There was a fight, sort of. I broke it up. A guy picking on someone else and I told them to knock it off. I tried to make sure the second guy was ok.”

“Bucky? What’s wrong?” She asked, sensing something.

He winced slightly.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Silence on the other side of the phone. “I may have recognized the guy getting beat up.” He admitted when it became obvious Becca wasn’t going to say anything until he did.

“Oh?” Becca asked sounding hesitant.

“I, uh, ran into him the other day. Literally.”

Again, nothing.

“What?” He finally said.

“I’m debating between asking you what you did, and if you’re really ok.”

Bucky rubbed his hand across his temples.

“I knocked him over going around a corner. The guy seems to be having a rough time. Yeah, I don’t actually know him, but the two times I’ve seen him it hasn’t been good for him. First time he was scared, second time he was being beat up. And yeah, I’m fine.” He sapped.

“Bucky,” Becca said softly. “I’m worried about you. That’s all. I’m not trying to start a fight. I just want you to be ok.”

“Really, I’m fine. I didn’t get into a fight today. I’m not planning on getting into any any time soon either. I’m doing a lot better.”

“Ok. Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he said, deflating, “Thanks for caring.” Bucky straightened and went to get a glass of water. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to.

~/*\~

They had talked for about another hour. Becca was telling him how college was going, before they hung up, promising to actually talk to each other sooner rather than later.

Bucky had fixed himself dinner and decided that he would watch something mindless on Netflix after that. He was halfway through an episode when the power went out.He just closed his eyes and sighed. Of course.

Standing, he pulled out his phone and activated the flashlight app, trying to remember where he had put the flashlights last time this happened. It had been a couple months, and he had hoped that since they were in the city whatever the issue had been would have been resolved. Apparently not. The outages were rare, and mostly far between, but they were still obnoxious.

After searching the kitchen, bathroom, and his bedroom, he finally found them in the closet of the spare room. Checking the time, he realized it was getting late for having the morning shift, and got ready for bed. Not actually tired, he read until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Bucky and his boss leave the building, they see Steve pinned to the wall by another guy. They seperate, and that's that.
> 
> I meant to have more Steve in this chapter, but he kinda got captured instead. Sorry guys.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky arrived to work mostly on time. When he got there, Maya was finishing up a loaf of bread and Jared was mixing something. She smiled at him when he walked in.

“Bucky!” She greeted warmly, “Would you start on some muffins? 

“Uh, yeah. Hey Maya, could I talk to you privately for a minute?”

“Sure,” she said wiping her flour covered hands on her apron. She removed it and they relocated to the front.

“What’s up?” She asked, leaning against a counter. 

Bucky shifted from foot to foot before finally saying “You told my sister I was fighting yesterday?” He carefully phrased it as a question. He wasn’t really mad, but still wanted to know why.

“No I didn’t,” Maya said, a frown creasing her forehead, “Did I?” She asked.

“Becca called asking me if I was getting into fights, said you told her I was.” He told her.

“Oh,” her face cleared, “ _oh _,” she said again, wide eyed, “She had texted me about my day, so I told her there was a fight in the alley that you broke up.”__

__

__Bucky closed his eyes and nodded. That would be enough to worry her._ _

__

__“Is everything ok?” She asked tentatively._ _

__

__“Yeah,” He said opening his eyes, trying to smile reassuringly, “She just gets really worried about me being involved in fights.”_ _

__

__“Can I ask why?”_ _

__

__Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating._ _

__

__“It’s not a big secret, but not right now.” He finally said._ _

__

__Maya simply nodded and gave him a half smile._ _

__

__“Ok. If you want to talk about it, I’d be happy to listen. Let’s get back to it, huh? We open soon.” She tilted her head back towards the kitchen, before going back._ _

__

__Bucky rubbed at his shoulder, before shaking his head, trying to dislodge the memories trying to pop up. Then he followed her back to work._ _

__

__~/*\~_ _

____

Bucky was grateful he only had the morning shift today. He had stayed up way too late and was tired. He looked up at the clock above the counter. Just another hour. 

____

____

The bell above the door rang, signalling someone coming in. He looked up to see Natasha. 

____

____

“Hey Nat, what can I get for you today?” He asked her when she got up to the counter. 

____

____

“Bucky,” she greeted with a smile, “What’s good today?” 

____

____

“I made the muffins.” He told her pointing at said muffins. 

____

____

She nodded her head back and forth considering. 

____

____

“Sure. Choose a couple. I’m meeting Clint soon.” 

____

____

As Bucky put a couple in the bag he asked, “For work?”

____

____

He looked up to see Natasha smirking at him.

____

____

“Yeah, for work. We have a training today.”

____

____

“I don't suppose You want to tell me what you guys do.” He said, knowing it was mostly pointless to ask Natasha.

____

____

“You going to tell me about that guy? She counters.

____

____

“What guy?” Bucky asked, thinking of the guy from yesterday, but not unsure how she would know.

____

____

“Clint told me you freaked out over some guy the other day. Details, Barnes.” She said, leaning her forearms onto the counter.

____

____

“Nat,” he complained, “I’m working. And why is Clint telling you about my stupid mistakes anyway?”

____

____

“Because your stupidity gives me life.” She smiled. Her phone beeped. “That’s my que.” She pulled out some cash to pay for the muffins. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this, Bucky.” She wiggled a couple fingers at him in farewell, before turning around and leaving.

____

____

~/*\~

____

When she said that he wasn’t getting out of it, he assumed he had a few days. Whenever Nat and Clint had work together, they were often gone for a few days. But Both Natasha and Clint showed up at his door that night, so he was screwed for time to come up with some something else to distract her. At least they brought dinner. They ate dinner in the living room, making small talk. 

____

After dinner was done, Bucky gathered everyone’s plates to put in the sink.

____

____

“So” Natasha smirked, looking at Bucky. He ignored her, preferring to focus on cleaning up. “Bucky, Clint tells me you scared the daylights out of some guy the other day.”

____

____

Bucky shoots a glare in Clint’s direction. Clint just smiles at him.

____

____

“I literally ran into a guy. That’s all.” 

____

____

“Dude, you spent the entire night talking about how concerned you were about him. How bad you felt.”

____

____

“I wasn’t that bad!” Bucky protests.

____

____

“You thought you scared him pretty bad,” Clint reminds him, “you’re not even scary.”

____

____

“I can be scary.” He muttered, filling the sink with water.

____

____

“Dude,” Clint said, gesturing to him.

____

____

Bucky had to admit that wearing sweatpants and an old tshirt did not really make him look scary. But in his defense, he wasn’t trying and hadn’t been expecting company. He told them as such.

____

____

Natasha looked at him consideringly.

____

____

“I think Clint is mostly right,” She said. Bucky deflated slightly, and Clint yelled in triumph. Bucky wondered why he cared so much about being scary anyway. “You’re not scary looking right now. But when you’re grumpy, you can be,” he raised an eyebrow in her direction. “Sometimes.” She added. He snorted and went back to doing the dishes. 

____

____

“So have you seen him again?” Natasha asked.

____

____

Bucky tried ignoring her. A wadded up napkin hit him in the back of the head. He refused to acknowledge her question. Another napkin. Then a book hit him in the back.

____

____

“Hey!” He protested, finally turning around. Natasha gave him a look.

____

____

“Answer the question, Barnes.” She said. He glared.

____

____

“What’s your deal with this guy anyway?” He asked, “I don’t know him, I can’t set you up.” Instead of getting mad at him, like he expected, she looked triumphant, taking him slightly aback.

____

____

“So you have seen him again!” She said, walking over and jumping to sit on the counter next to him. “When?”

____

____

“Seriously, Nat, why do you care. He’s a guy I’ve seen twice. Does it really matter?” He voice falling at the end. Natasha was quiet for a minute, so he looked up at her to see her watching him, with something between pity and fondness. Which probably meant she saw something he wasn’t even aware of yet. It was known to happen.

____

____

“Bucky,” She said gently, “whatever happened, whoever this guy is, it’s obvious it was important to you. Maybe you don’t know why, yet. And because I care about you, it’s important to me too.” He looked away. “And I know that It’s important to you because,” she paused long enough he looked back up at her to see her smirking “Barton remembered. And you know he never remembers anything.” she finishes, breaking the sudden heavy mood.

____

____

Bucky laughs as Clint denies it.

____

____

“I remember things! I showed up to training today and everything!”

____

____

“You were almost twenty minutes late!” Nat shot back at him, grinning. She leaned forward far enough Bucky thought she might fall of the counter. “I’m pretty sure you were still half asleep!” She teased.

____

____

Clint grumbled something about ‘early in the morning’ but left it at that.

____

____

“In all seriousness, though, Bucky,” She said turning to him again, “why is this man important to you? You said you’ve only seen him twice?” He shrugs.

____

____

“The guy seems to be having trouble. You know about the first time, the second…”he trails off, thinking about the day before, “He was getting beat up by a guy who was smaller than him. And losing. Then he just went with the guy.” He grimaced. “I spent some time when I was younger...helping people getting hurt. I don’t know, I guess I’m a little worried. That’s all.” He finished the dishes, dried his hands, and went to sit on the couch again.

____

____

“Ok.” Was all Nat said as she joined him on the couch. Clint put his fist up. Slightly confused, Bucky bumped it.

____

____

The topic moved onto work (Bucky’s work, Clint and Natasha still refused to say anything about theirs except it was training today, and it went well.) and the night went on.

____

____

~/*\~

____

Bucky did decide to keep an eye out for the guy. He didn’t tell anyone, but he wondered if Nat knew when they went out for coffee that that was the reason why he looked around randomly. Thankfully, she never said anything.

____

____

It was a few months before he saw the guy again, just in passing. Bucky had finished up his shift and was just about to head back to say goodbye to everyone when he saw a blond man walking by the window. He startled when he realized it was the same guy, although he was dressed in a thin jacket with a backpack. He had his head ducked slightly and he was walking quickly. The man was almost gone, when Bucky ran out the door.

____

____

“Hey!” He called to the guy. There was no response. He tried to catch up but was blocked by a large group coming his way. When he finally got though, the man was gone.

____

____

____

____

Over the next few weeks, Bucky saw the Blond Man a few more times. Walking somewhere, standing (head bowed) near a small group of people, or getting into a car. Whenever Bucky was close enough, he tried to call out to the other man. But the man never stopped or seemed to realize he was being addressed. 

____

____

One evening as Bucky was walking home from spending time with Becca, he saw the man across the street. He was leaning up against the wall, hand in pockets, not really paying attention to anything. Seemingly upset about something. Bucky called out and waved. He looked up and saw Bucky waving at him. He looked around, slightly confused, before turning back to Bucky. Bucky waved at him again. The man hesitantly smiled back. Glad to have received some reaction, Bucky smiled at the man calling out a “hello!” And made to cross the street. Several cars got passed by, preventing it. The man hesitantly waved back. He looked around again before standing straight and moving as if to meet Bucky across the street. Before he could get too far, the same man as in the alley caught his arm, stopping him. The man spoke too softly to hear what was said, but backhanded the Blond Man when he tried to respond. 

____

____

“Hey!” Bucky shouted, angrily taking a step forward to cross the street. He was again blocked by the stupid traffic. The man simply sneered at Bucky, pulling the blond man away with him. The blond made no move to be released, but followed, looking small. By the time Bucky got across the street, they were gone.

____

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I currently intend to have Steve and Bucky _actually _interact next chapter, but we'll see how that goes.__  
>  As always, thank you for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another run in with the Blond Man. At least it lasted more than five seconds this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who has been reading! Especially to those who leave comments or kudos. :)

“You should get a pet,” Becca announces one day. It was a long weekend for her and she had decided to stay with Bucky for it. “Or maybe a roommate.” She adds.

Bucky looks up at her from the celtic knot puzzle he was working on. “What? Why?” He asks.

Becca shrugs before sitting on the arm of the couch across from him.

“Your apartment seems empty. Also, you need something cute for me to look at. A cat or a roommate would be perfect.” She smiled “Pun intended.”

Bucky snorts before turning back to his puzzle.

“I’m not getting a roommate. Or a cat.”

“What about a cat for a roommate?” She shoots back. Bucky gives her a weird look.

“Isn’t that just a pet?”

Becca shrugs again, kicking her legs slightly.

“It would be good for you. Unless you want to start dating again.”

“Nope.” He said, popping the ‘p’.

Becca smiles.

“Didn’t think so.”

They go back to being quiet, Bucky focussing on his puzzle, Rebecca watching him.

“Has something been bothering you lately?” She asks out of nowhere. He looks up at her in surprise.

“Not really. Why?”

“You seem,” she waves a hand, searching for the right word, “distracted lately.” She settles on.

He thinks about the blond man for a moment, but shakes his head.

“No, nothing’s going on. Just work as usual. No new theories on Clint and Natasha’s jobs. What do you think they do?” He asks, trying to redirect the conversation.

“I think that they aren’t going to tell us, even if we guess it right.” She says, “and I know you pretty well, Buck. What’s up?”

“Nothing’s up. Just work, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

He avoids looking at her, choosing to try to figure out how the rings of the puzzle go together. He’s been working on it for a while and hasn’t figured it out yet.

“Yeah. Nothing new’s come up. Just working.”

“I still think you should get a cat.”

This time he does look up and raises an eyebrow at her.

“What’s up with you, and me getting a cat?”

She looks down at her lap and shrugs, still swinging her legs.

“What’s wrong, Becca.” He asks gently, putting down his puzzle.

“A pet would give you something to focus on, instead of what’s bothering you. A good outlet.” She glances up at him. “I’m just a little worried about you.”

“There’s nothing to be worried about. I’m okay, my friends are okay, nothings wrong Becca.” He tells her.  
She looks up at him.

“You ever going to tell me what’s on your mind?”

It’s Bucky’s turn to shrug.

“Promise me that you’ll talk to me, or someone, if whatever it is gets worse? Before you go looking for fights?”

“Is this about what Maya said the other day?” He asks.

Becca shakes her head.

“Not really? I guess a little. It’s just last time, after Aunt Bea -”

“Rebecca, I can promise you right now, this is nothing like that. Or any of the times before that. We went to therapy, I don’t go finding fights anymore to deal with things. You know that.”

She slumps a little.

“Yeah, I know.” They sit in a awkward silence before she jumps off the arm of the couch.

“Let’s go get ice cream. My treat.” She says in lieu of an apology. Bucky smiles at her and gets a jacket

As they were leaving the parking lot, she says “We should stop at a shelter on the way back. Maybe I’ll get a cat.” She smiles widely at him.

He rolls his eyes.

~/*\~

It was raining when Bucky stepped outside for his break. He shivered and decided it would be better to be inside the bakery where it wasn't wet or cold.

As he was turning to go back inside he hears something moving behind him. Looking back, he sees a tall man stepping off the fire escape into the alley. After a moment, he recognizes him.

“Hello,” he says warmly, taking a step towards the blond man. He made as if to move away from Bucky, but stood still; watching him warily instead. Realizing this, Bucky stops moving closer.

“Are you alright?” Bucky asks, searching the mans face. The Blond Man says nothing. Just silently watching Bucky. Bucky nods his head a couple times, considering what to say next.

“I’m Bucky, I’ve seen you around a few times.” He offers, before realizing that sounds slightly stalkerish. “With your boyfriend?” He adds, not entirely sure if that is correct. The other man winces slightly, but nods. Bucky frowns, a thought occurring to him as he remembers their past interactions.

“Are you running away?” That earns a stronger reaction.

The man steps back, putting his hands up as if to ward off a blow, looking stricken.

“No! No, I’m not, I swear!”

Bucky’s heart breaks a little for him. Then he feels a strong surge of anger towards the boyfriend.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he tries to soothe, putting his own, empty, hands up “just breathe.” After a minute, the other man eased slightly, but still looked wary.

Bucky realized the other man was still standing directly in the rain, although he gave no sign that it bothered him. Checking his watch, he noticed his break was almost over too.

“Why don’t you come in for a few minutes, get out of the rain?” He offers, nodding to the door he came through earlier.  
To Bucky’s relief, the blond man nods.

Smiling softly at him, Bucky opens the door to the bakery, holding it open. The man walks through, then waits for Bucky.  
Without a word, Bucky leads him through the kitchen, ignoring the calls from his coworkers, to the front. He stops to put a bagel on a plate.

“Here,” he says handing the man the plate, “take this and go sit down over there. If you need anything, let me know.” He smiles again as the man wordlessly takes the plate, before sitting in one of the chairs against the wall, facing the room.

Bucky doesn’t have much time to contemplate his choices as a group enters the bakery. He dutifully welcomes them and and answers their questions about what they have fresh today, and a vague idea of what they make everyday. They eventually make their selections and leave the store.

After they leave, he turns back to the other man. He was still sitting against the wall, now watching Bucky silently. But when he caught Bucky’s eye, he quickly moved his gaze to the floor. The bagel was on the table, untouched.

Since there was no longer any customers, he walked over.

“Hey, I never did get your name.” Bucky said. The man continued to study the floor, as if it completely held his attention. “You don’t talk much, do you?” Bucky muttered to himself.

“What’s your name?” He gently prompts. The blond man looks up with the same panicked expression as earlier.

“I-I can’t -- I do- I don’t- “ He tries to press further into the wall, away from Bucky, eyes wide and breathing quickly.  
Worried, Bucky says “That’s ok, you don’t need to tell me.” At this point he has no idea what to do to help the guy. He seems terrified of everything, including Bucky. He wonders what the man is thinking.

“Is there someone I can call for you?” He tries, hoping he doesn’t say his boyfriend. The blond man squeezes his eyes shut, tensing slightly. But he says nothing.

Bucky glances to the front, completely at a loss of what to do. No one’s come to the front room, so there’s no one he can ask. When he turns back, the man has sort of relaxed, but is hanging his head, shoulders hunched trying to look small. Bucky bites his lip, and again notices the bagel on the table.

“Bagel not to your taste?” He asks, at a loss to what else to do, “I can get you something else if you’d rather have something else.” The blond man finally looks at him, confusion evident on his face. Whatever he sees, whatever he’s thinking, he goes pale. He stands quickly, and practically runs out the door. By the time Bucky realizes what’s happened and tries to follow, the man is gone.

~/*\~

It’s almost dark out by the time Bucky gets home. They had stayed late that night, finishing prep work for orders due and getting the store ready for the next day. It had taken Bucky longer than normal to complete each task, thinking about the blond man. What had happened? What had made him run?

Bucky wasn't sure what had gone wrong; if he did something wrong. He had hoped that the blond man would at least tell him his name. It would be nice to have something to call him.

Shaking his head, he opened his apartment door and turned on the lights. Or tried to, but the power was out again. Bucky hit his head against the wall. This was just perfect. First the guy, then work, now the power. Just perfect. At least he knew where the flashlights were this time. He made a mental note to contact his landlord. There had to be something he could do. This really shouldn’t keep happening in the city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, He sort of talks to Steve. :)  
> 


	5. The Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The Soldier was running late. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the exact same interaction as in the last chapter, only in the Soldier's pov.  
> I wrote this while I was writing the last chapter, trying to figure out some the reactions. And since I wrote it, I thought I'd share. If you decide to skip this chapter, that's entirely ok. It really is the exact same interaction just told from Steve's pov. :)

The Soldier stepped off a fire escape into the alley. He was late to the extraction point. The mission had taken longer than expected. If he hurried, he might still get there on time. If they sent someone after him…

A voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see a man standing there. There was something vaguely familiar about him (but then most handlers were). The man stepped forward, a strange look on his face. The Soldier resisted the urge to step away. They must have sent someone after all. He had taken too long. He was going to be punished.

“Are you alright?”

He watches the man silently, not responding to the question. It was a test, he was sure. The Soldier was functional.

“I’m Bucky,” the handler introduces his cover, “I’ve seen you around a few times. With your boyfriend?” The Soldier cannot suppress a wince. (He never liked that cover. Too often it meant unwanted lips on his, a possessive hand digging into his neck. But he knew better than to fight it. The Soldier was glad it was rarely used.) But it seemed that was to be the cover for taking him to extraction. He nods to show his understanding, hoping to cover his wince.“Are you running away?” The handler, codename Bucky, accuses.

Panic

“No! No, I’m not, I swear!” He says breaking his silence, trying to ward off the expected blow. Not only is he late, but if they think he was trying to run away too, he would be lucky if he only was put into the chair.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. Just breathe.” The handler put up his empty hands. Punishment would not come immediately than.  
“Why don’t you come in for a few minutes, get out of the rain?” A nod towards the door. An order. The Soldier nods to confirm.

The handler, codename Bucky, smiles at him and opens the door, gesturing for the Soldier to go first. He swallows and enters. It’s warm in the safehouse. He suppresses the urge to shiver, and follows Bucky taking note of the other people in the room. The handler ignores them, and their questions about the Soldier. The handler and the Soldier step into a shop, and the handler hands the Soldier a plate.

“Here, take this and go sit down over there. If you need anything else, let me know.” The handler smiles as the Soldier takes the plate and sits down as ordered, keeping watch of the room. The people in the back must be civilians. A group of people enter through a ringing door, and walk up to the counter the handler stands at. He watches the handler interact with the group, smiling. Part of their cover must be this store. There must be a reason they weren’t immediately going to extraction. Was the mission being extended?

(The Soldier wonders at Codename Bucky. If the Soldier was allowed to want things, he would want the cover to be real. The handler smiled easily and gave the appearance of being kind. Wouldn’t it be nice if it was real this time?) He glanced at the plate he had been given, before turning back to the handler. The handler said farewell to the group and looked up to catch the Soldiers eye. He immediately dropped his gaze. He had not been given permission. The Soldier was supposed to sit here and wait for the handler to take him to extraction or give orders about the mission.

The handler walked over.

“Hey, I never did get your name.” The Soldier remains silent. But an echo of someone calling him Stevie wanders through his mind, sounding familiar. “You don’t talk much, do you?” The handler mutters. A hesitant relief fills the soldier. Silence must have been the right answer.

“What’s your name?” The handler says. The Soldiers eyes go wide and his breathing starts to go funny. Had they sensed the name? He didn’t know what it meant, but he didn’t want to lose it.

“I-I can’t -- I do- I don’t-” not sure what the answer they wanted was. He wasn’t given a cover name for this mission. He didn’t have a name. But there was still that echo. The Soldier was certain it meant something, but he didn’t want to give it up. He didn’t want to report it.

“That’s ok, you don’t need to tell me.” The Soldier didn't believe him. “Is there someone I can call for you?” He closes his eyes, waiting for punishment. When none comes, he glances up at the handler, who is looking towards the back room filled with people. Of course. Their cover. It just means it will be worse later. He hangs his head, and hunches his shoulders, trying to look small. If he obeys now, maybe it won’t be so bad later.

“Bagel not to your taste? I can get you something else if you’d rather have something else.” Confused the Soldier looks up at Bucky. Concern is written across his face, evident in his voice. Why would a handler be worried about…?

His eyes go wide again, and in horror as he realizes this man must not be a handler. They didn’t offer bagels, or assistance, or concern. He shouldn’t have assumed. He jumps up, startling the man in front of him, running out the door. He was late, and the punishment was going to be awful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if I ever said, but this is all self beta'd. So all mistakes are entirely my own.  
> The current plan is to have a new chapter up within two weeks of the last update. RL permitting, I will keep to that. This doesn't really count as a regular update, so, I will hopefully have chapter 6 up in ~10 days.  
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting! Really makes my day. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad ya'll liked the last chapeter so much! I was very pleasantly surprised at the reaction. Thank you so much for the comments, it was a great boost for inspiration. :) 
> 
> TBH, I'm not sure if I need a trigger warning for this chapter, let me know? Very short discussion on past character death. Bucky gets into a fight. Sort of.

Bucky arrived at the gates and took a deep breath. For some reason he couldn't quite identify, he was nervous. He had taken the train, partially out of convenience. Partially because it meant he didn’t have to focus on driving. While he was glad of it, he kind of also regretted it. Maybe it would have been easier if he had had something to focus on while coming up here.

He pulled out his phone to look at the conversation he had with his sister earlier.

 _Bucky_ : I’m going to visit Mom, Dad, and Aunt Bea.

 _Becca_ : I would have gone with u, why didnt u say something last week??

 _Bucky_ : Spur of the moment. Have time off and wanted to visit.

 _Becca_ : k. Call me if u want.

 _Becca_ : love you Buck.

That hadn’t been the complete truth.While it had been spur of the moment, he had traded shifts around so that he could go the day before his day off. It had been a while since he had visited, but it wasn’t like they minded.

He took another breath and opened the gate. Despite having been here many times before, it still took him a minute to find them.

He stopped in front of the headstone with his parents names.

“Hi mom, hi dad.” He whispers. He looks to the headstone next to theirs. “Hey Aunt Bea.”

It’s a little cool outside, due to the breeze. But it’s a bright sunny day. He had remarked to Becca once that he always thought that it should be cloudy or something when they visited. She had replied that that only happened in movies. And if he wanted it to be a thing, he needed to plan his visits around the weather. They had laughed about it.

“Sorry it’s been a while,” he tells them, “I don’t really have an excuse. Becca’s still in school, and doing really well. I think she likes it, so that’s good. Maybe she’ll tell you more some other time.”

He looked up and around the graveyard. It was empty, but that was typical for midday during the week. Bucky sighs.

“I’m still working at that bakery. I like it,” he offers, turning back to their stones, “But there isn’t much to say about it. No funny stories today, though. People come in asking for coffee some days, but that’s more obnoxious than funny now. I think I’ve told you that before.

“I met this guy a while ago. Sort of. He hasn’t said much to me. But I’ve talked to him a couple of times.” He gives a smile. “Yeah, Bea, he’s pretty cute. But no, I’m not going to ask him out. He has a boyfriend, for one thing.” Bucky frowns. “He seems like he’s having trouble though. Ever met someone, just randomly, and you couldn’t get them out of your head? He’s seems so scared all the time. And I was worried, the first time, it was me. But now, I’m not so sure. I think maybe it’s the boyfriend. No one should have to live like that.”

Bucky sighs, and sits down.

“I’m not entirely sure why I’m telling you. About this guy, I mean. But I ran into him recently so,” he shrugs, “and I don’t really have anything else to say.”

The wind blows, messing with his hair, making his nose cold. But he doesn't really pay attention. Just keeps his gaze between the two stones. After a while, he hears a car, and looks up to see someone else visiting a grave. He turns back to his family, ignoring the other family.

Bucky doesn’t know how long he sits there, lost in his own thoughts.

“I miss you guys.” He whispers.

~/*\~

The next morning found Bucky in a coffee shop. He wasn’t ready to go home, didn’t have anyone else to visit, and was just tired. He had ordered his drink, and sat at a table by the window. He considered calling Becca, but quickly rejected the idea, not knowing what to say to her either.

He snorted. Not knowing what to do or what to say seemed to be a regular thing now.

Someone approached his table and sat down, startling him out of his thoughts. Looking up, he sees Natasha smiling at him.

“Hey, stranger,” she greets, “fancy meeting you here.” He glared at her, choosing to say nothing. She raises an eyebrow at him. He sighs.

“What are you doing here, Nat.”

She blinks at him.

“Good to see you too. I saw you in the window and thought I’d say hi.”

Bucky nods tiredly.

“But what are you doing in Manhattan? You said you were going out of town for work.”

She frowns at him.

“Manhattan is out of town, Bucky.” Natasha points out, “what’s with you anyway?” He doesn’t answer, sipping his coffee instead. He griminces at the lukewarm taste. Bucky looks back up at her, to see her looking at him with something like concern. He’s about to get defensive when she says “It’s not _me_ , is it?” In a small voice. He immediately feels guilty.

“No, no Nat, it’s not you,” he says, touching her hand. She smiles, a flash of something in her eyes, before stealing his coffee. Natasha makes a face at it before looking back at him.

“So what are you doing here? Last I checked, you didn’t have any plans to come upstate,” He shakes his head and she continues “and I know it wasn’t for work.”

“I was visiting family,” he admits. She hands him back his coffee. He takes it, but rolls it between his hands instead of drinking.

“How are they?” She asks gently.

“Dead.” He says bluntly. She nods her head to the side, but doesn’t offer condolences.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asks instead.

“Not sure what the point would be.” He replies. Natasha nods a couple times, consideringly.

“You know, when I was younger, I lived in an all girls home. I never knew my parents.” She tells him.

“Natasha,” Bucky starts. Natasha has ever said anything about her past before. She shakes her head.

“There was an instructor there, my favorite instructor, you could say. He left, occasionally, traveling as part of his job. Sometimes, we got to go with him, when we were older. And then he died in an accident shortly after he… retired.”

“Nat,” he tries again. She smiles at him.

“Bucky, it’s ok. I’m telling you this, because I know it can hurt to talk about people who’ve died, but if you want to talk to me, I’ll listen."

Bucky nods. A couple times but doesn’t say anything. Not yet.

Natasha stands. “I’m going to get a cup of coffee. Be back in a minute.” She leaves for a couple minutes, and comes back with two cups, setting one in front of Bucky.

“You didn’t have to-”

She waves him off, sitting back down. “I know, you can pay me back sometime.”

Bucky smiles his thanks, and takes a sip. After a moment, he decides to tell her a little.

“My Dad was military, so he was gone pretty often. Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and we went to live with my Aunt. Mom didn’t live much longer after that.” He looks up at Natasha, who was looking back at him calmly, just listening.  
He turns his attention back to his cup. “With Ma dead, and Dad deployed, we just lived with Aunt Bea. When my dad was back in the states, he would stay with us there, spending time with us. Then a couple years later, we got news that he died while overseas.

“And Aunt Bea, well, she tried her best with us. But it’s never easy to have two teenagers. She told me, after I started college, that she had no idea what she was doing with us. Shortly after Becca graduated high school, Aunt Bea died in a car accident. We were told she died on impact.” He takes a sip of his coffee, and flexes his left hand a couple times before he looks up

“That was about five years ago now.” He shrugs.

“Thank you for telling me Bucky.” Natasha simply says. The corner of his mouth twitches, almost a smile.

They sat in a companionable silence, sipping their drinks.

“So, how’s work?” He ask her.

“Boring meetings, full of people telling me how to do my job.” Was the reply, with an eye roll.

“Yeah?”

She chuckles. “Sometimes I think certain members forget that I can do my job, and have been doing it longer than they have.”

“Was Clint there this time?”

“No, he’s out on a different assignment right now.” They talk for a few more minutes, making small talk, before Bucky sighs. Natasha tilts her head in question. He shakes his head.

“I’m going to need to head back sometime. When do you need to head back?”

“Pretty soon, actually.” She apologizes. He nods.

“I’m going to head home soon, I think. I might wander around a bit more or visit my family again.”

They both stand and throw out their cups.

“I’ll be back in DC tomorrow,” she tells him, “let me know if you want to talk anymore or just hang out.”

“Thanks, Nat.”

~/*\~

The sun was setting when he was finally driving home. He had left his car with a friend, and had to go pick it up. They visited for a while before Bucky left.

The bank near his apartment was busy, he noticed, despite the late hour. He wondered at it, but shrugged it off, not too concerned. Workers had to stay late sometime, after all.

~/*\~

Bucky was on closing shift that night. It had been a slow day, so there were plenty of things that needed to be bagged and placed on the “Day Old” counter. He was amused to see that the black board had been changed to say “Used Bread” instead. Thinking about it, it sounded fairly disgusting. He wondered whose idea it had been as he fetched the chalk to fix it and add the new prices to the board.

Ashley had left early, for a date, after finishing prep work for the next day. Which left Bucky to mop the store himself. It didn’t take long, and he was soon locking up the store.

He was walking to the bus station when he heard shouting in a nearby alley. He closed his eyes and sighed. It wasn’t like he could do nothing. Bucky considered calling the cops, but discarded the idea quickly, as it sounded like just two people. Turning into the alley, he saw a someone picking on a homeless guy.

“Hey jerk! Pick on someone else!” He called at the man, walking over. The guy squinted at him. He was obviously drunk.  
Instead of replying, the man swung at Bucky. Bucky stepped back, and the blow missed him. This seemed to anger the man, and he stepped forward and swung again. This time, Bucky hit back, connecting with the man’s jaw, knocking him down.

“Just go home, pal.” Bucky told him. He looked around and saw that the homeless man had left. He nodded once, before turning back to the drunk who was getting up. Holding a board. Great.

Bucky swore as the man swung the board at him. He did his best to avoid being hit with limited success. Eventually the guy got inside Bucky’s defenses, and hit his head, knocking Bucky down. Before he could stand, the guy kicked him, and hit his head again, causing him to lose consciousness.

~/*\~

For some reason, Natasha kept laughing at him on the drive back to his apartment.

When he had woken up, the guy was gone. He had pulled out his phone and found he was only missing about ten minutes. A call to Natasha, and a quick trip to the hospital, and now they were headed to his apartment.

“What?” He finally asked, unlocking the door. Natasha chuckled again, but shook her head.

“When I said we should hang out, yesterday, this wasn’t what I had in mind.” She tells him. “Also, It’s usually Clint I do this for.” Bucky grumble, but concedes the point. He steps into his living room and immediately flops down on the couch. Natasha walks over and immediately starts poking him. He grumbles some more.

“Nuh-uh, Barnes. You need to eat something first,” She tells him. He tries to ignore her. She digs her hand into his side, making him squeal and twist off the couch. She remains unimpressed by his glare. “And I think your sister wants you to call her.” He groans.

“Oh she’s going to be pissed.” He says.

“Yup.” Natasha says unsympathetically, taking his spot on the couch.

“What do you think my chances are for putting it off until tomorrow?”

“Not good.”

He nods a couple of times before reaching to pull out his phone. There are a bunch of texts and a missed call from Becca. Still laying on the floor, he calls her number.

“Are you alright?” She demands as soon as she picks up.

“No, I’m calling to let you know I died.” He snarks. Natasha kicks at him as she stands to go to the kitchen. He kicks back, missing.

“That is not funny, James!” She shouts into his ear. He winces at both the use of his name and the volume. “I got a call from Natasha, telling me you were in the hospital. and I’m nowhere near there and can’t see if you’re ok. Natasha didn’t know much and _you weren’t answering your phone_ -”

“Becca,” He tries, but she keeps talking. “ _Becca_.” He says again. She stops talking, but he can hear her heavy breathing.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. I should have sent you a text as soon as I could. And I’m sorry for making you worry.” She sniffles a little, and his stomach drops. He really hadn’t meant to make her upset. He stands and sits on the couch.

“What happened?” She asks quietly.

“Uhm, well, I was walking home from work,” He says “someone had changed our day old sign to read used bread, which sounds absolutely disgusting-”

“Bucky,” She warns.

“Ok, well, I was walking to the bus stop and I heard something in one of the allies-”

“Please tell me you called the cops.”

He remains silent.

“Bucky!”

“I couldn’t just walk away! And it was only one guy. I thought I could handle it!”

“Obviously you couldn’t! What did he do?” He tried staying quiet again. “James, tell me what happend.”

“A guy was picking on a homeless man. I stepped in.” He hesitated for a moment, before adding, “He hit me with a board.”

Silence on the other end. “I have a concussion. Nat took me home and is spending the night.” Becca remained quiet. “Becca?”

“Bucky,” she whispers. Then she’s crying.

“Becs, I’m ok, I promise.” He tells her. “No permanent damage, I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

“You said you weren’t looking for fights!”

“I didn’t go looking!” Bucky protested, “And I couldn’t just walk by, That guy needed help!”

“But you got hurt, again! Why can’t you call the cops or something?”

“I honestly thought I could handle it, the guy took me by surprise. I'm really sorry I made you worry.”

“But you’re really going to be ok?”

“Yeah, Becs,” he says gently, “Just a concussion, some light bruising, I’ll be ok.”

“Ok.” She takes a deep breath, exhaling noisily in his ear. “How was visiting?”

Bucky tells her about visiting, although there wasn’t much to say. They make plans to go together either over Christmas or maybe sooner if possible. She tells him a little about school, and mentioning that someone asked if one of her friends was her girlfriend because they had been seen hugging and holding hands. They laughed a little.

Natasha comes over and puts a sandwich in front of Bucky and says “Eat.” before curling up on the armchair with her sandwich.

After a minute more, they hang up. Bucky puts his phone down and eats his sandwich. By the time he’s done, he’s tired.

“Thanks, Nat. I’m going to go to bed now, though. I’m exhausted. You know where everything is.”

Natasha agrees with him. But says “I’ll come wake you up in a couple hours.” He’s tired enough he just waves on his way to his room. He flops down on his bed, not bothering to change, and falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, let it be known I don't actually know anything. I only did a little research into the concussion thing. And information about how a hospital would handle it, I have no information on. If I misrepresented how that works, please tell me, but it will stay that way for this story. It's just a good thing to know as a future reference. :)
> 
> Someone pointed out that Natasha would be great at emotuonal manipulation. Guilting yor friends and then offering a little information about yourself is a great way to make them open up. Sometimes. Not all the time. Depends on when and how you do it. 
> 
> I have no idea how to write action scenes of any kind, so hopefully, Bucky's fight wasn't too weird.
> 
> I know people who say 'used bread' instead of 'day old bread'. It's really weird.
> 
> And last, Becca's story about her friend happened to me (although that isn't _quite _the whole story just the importat bits). My friend and I thought it was great. And considering our weird relationship, it is no surprise at all.__


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought that this would get to 12k. I'm a little surprised. Thanks everyone for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos!!

Sure enough, Natasha woke him up every two hours all night long. The next morning, he was feeling better, if a little sleep deprived, and therefore a little upset with Natasha. Who was still laughing at him. But she was nice enough to make him breakfast, so there was that.

Bucky was cleaning up the dishes when Nat got a phone call.

“Romanoff.” She answers. Bucky tries not to listen in, and instead focuses on putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Natasha stands and walks into his guest room to take the call.

It doesn’t take long to finish the dishes, and by the time Bucky finishes the dishes, she comes out, hanging up her phone. She begins gathering her shoes and her jacket.

“I need to go. Something came up at work,” she tells him, putting on her shoes, “You should be good to go, and probably not going to die.” Bucky nods, ignoring the last part of her comment.

“Thanks for your help, Nat. I owe you one.” She smirks.

“Of course.” She stands and goes to leave. “You also owe me a coffee.”

“Just tell me when.” She waves, and leaves.

Bucky pulls out his work schedule and double checks that he doesn’t work until the evening shift today. Then he goes back to bed.

~/*\~

The next few days were relatively uneventful. Clint sent a text mentioning he was back in town. Becca called him again to check up on him, although she didn't say it like that. He understood why she was, but he wished she wouldn’t.  
Two days after Natasha had left, the news was talking abou a multi car pile up in a car chase. They didn't say anything about who the suspect was or if they had caught him. Bucky assumed they did. It was strange, but it was far enough away that he wasn’t too concerned. These things happened in a city.

Bucky was bored, and sent a text to Clint and Natasha asking if they wanted to do anything this weekend. Clint said maybe, depending on work. Natasha didn’t answer. Bucky shrugged it off, figuring she was busy. Or maybe asleep, he thought as he checked the time.

But when there was still no reply two days later, Bucky called to see what she was doing. He got a recorded message saying that the line had been disconnected. Frowning at his phone, he sent a message to Clint.

 _Bucky_ : Did nat change her number

Clint didn’t reply either.

~/*\~

Bucky woke up the next morning to a knock on his door. He reluctantly stands, going to answer the door, stopping very briefly in the bathroom to make sure he looks somewhat presentable.

Another knock, louder this time.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he mutters.

He opens the door to see Natasha, Clint, and a man he doesn’t recognize. He stares at them, only partially due to the amount of dirt and blood covering them.

“Hey man, sorry to drop in on you but..” The man starts.

“Everyone we know is trying to kill us.” Natasha cuts in. Bucky blinks, not sure how to comprehend this information, but he does open the door for them to come in.

Once they were all inside and standing in his living room, Bucky finally found his voice.

“So, what’s going on? _Why_ is everyone you know trying to kill you?”

The three exchange looks and the man that Bucky doesn’t know says

“A lot is happening. I don’t know how much you know about what these two to do-”

“Nothing.”

“Confidentiality, bro,” Clint says, “We aren’t supposed to tell anyone.”

“I think we’re a little beyond that now.” He says.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Bucky asks.

“Sorry,” The man says, shaking his head. He sticks out a hand “Sam Wilson, the new Captain America.”

“ _What_?!” Bucky says in surprise, dropping Sam’s hand.

“Not yet,” Natasha says, “it’s still being finalised. But he is our top candidate.”

“Why is there going to be a new Captain America?” Bucky asks faintly.

Clint shrugs.

“Fiftieth anniversary of finding the plane the original went down in or something like that. With all the new superheros, they figured a tribute to the first one would be a good idea.”

“Oh.” Bucky says. He looks at his friends. “Wait, how are you guys involved in whatever this is?”

Clint and Natasha share a look.

“We’re Avengers. Hawkeye and Black Widow. We also work for Shield.”

“Oh,” he says again. Then ”I guess that’s why…”

“Why we couldn’t tell you what we do? Yeah. We are the only two Avengers with a little bit of anonymity, and Shield wanted to keep it that way.”

“You're not going into shock, are you Bucky?” Sam asks, reaching for him. Bucky bats his hand away.

“ _No_ , I’m not. Just, my best friends are superheroes.” He says. “It’s just weird. Unexpected.”

Sam looks a little doubtful, but leaves him alone.

“Why don’t we go get cleaned up a little,” Natasha, Black Widow, says, “Give you a moment to think about all this.”

“Yeah. Yeah, good idea.” Bucky replies. They leave down the hall, and Buck sits down hard on the couch.

After he’s heard the shower stop and start up again, he stands to make breakfast. Superheroes get hungry too, right?

~/*\~

“So, you guys are spies for Shield, which is actually an evil corporation that supposedly went extinct sometime during World War 2, and you're now working on both exposing it and taking it down.” Bucky asks dubiously.

“That’s not-” Clint starts to say around a mouthful of food. He tilts his head before nodding. “Actually, that’s exactly right. Glad you caught on.” Natasha rolls her eyes at him.

“What I don’t understand,” Bucky says, “is why you came _here_. Don’t spies have safe houses or something if they get caught?”

Natasha pointed her fork at him.

“We didn’t get caught. And the problem with being _compromised_ by the same organization we work for is that they know where most of our nearby safe houses are.”

Bucky shakes his head.

“We really appreciate your help, Bucky,” Sam says quietly.

They finish eating breakfast in silence, Bucky still taking in the information that his best friends were Avengers. Soon the dishes were done, and they gathered back in the living room.

“So, what’s the plan?” Bucky asks. The three exchange glances again

“Bucky,” Natasha says gently, “I really appreciate your help. We all do. But this isn’t your fight. These people won’t hesitation to shoot you on sight. You aren’t coming with us.”

“I can’t just let you go off to potentially die without doing _something_!”

“You are doing something, Bucky.” Clint says, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Why do you think we came here? We knew we could trust you, and that is very important right now.”  
Bucky looks to Sam, hoping that maybe he’ll argue in Bucky’s favor. Sam shakes his head.

“I was military, and you don’t get civilians involved in combat.” Bucky feels oddly betrayed, considering he doesn’t know the man.

“I can help,” he says, “I need to do something. I can’t let you guy risk your lives by yourselves, without doing something.”

“Dude, we do that kind of a thing every other weekend, and you never knew about it.” Clint points out. Bucky glares at him.

“Not helping, Barton,” Nat says before turning to Bucky. “I understand you want to help, Bucky-”

“Then why are you telling me to sit and do nothing?” He interrupts.

“But look at it this way: We all have training that you don’t. We all know _exactly_ what we are getting into. Would you?” Bucky looks to the floor, but not ready to concede the point yet. Natasha continues.

“And how do you think we would feel, if we let you come with us, and you died, knowing we could have prevented it? Knowing that your death was our fault?”

Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times.

“That’s not fair.” He whispers.

“I know,” she says. Bucky takes a deep breath. And lets it out slowly.

“Fine,” he finally says. “But I want to know what you’re doing and you better check in with me as soon as you can.”

“Of course.” Natasha says.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” Clint says, “What’s first?”

“Tony’s prototype isn’t an option right now, so we need to break into Fort Meade to get wings for Sam.”

Bucky chokes a little.

~/*\~

They didn’t stay for very much longer. From what Bucky understood from their conversation, they were going to break into a high security building before kidnapping a government official for information. What got to him was they had talked about it so calmly, as if this was just an ordinary day. Bucky half expected them to tell him it was all an elaborate prank.

They finalized their plans, and said goodbye. Natasha told him they would be in touch when they could, and they left. Bucky sort of stared at the door for a while. Then he remembered he had to go and slowly got ready for work.  
As he was getting ready, he halfheartedly considered calling Becca to make sure she wasn’t lying about some weird secret in her life. Although, to be fair, Clint and Natasha had said they couldn’t tell them what they did for a living, so maybe it wasn’t entirely a lie. It was still a little surreal.

At work, Bucky was distracted, checking his phone every few minutes to see if there was anything from an unknown number, since they had all apparently ditched their phones.

That night, he still hadn’t heard anything, but saw a recap of a fight on the news. He almost turned it off when he saw the red hair in a clip.

Quickly, he flipped open his laptop and searched for the original story. He watched a couple clips of a fight on a highway, where he saw his friends fighting against a masked figure wearing all black. It ended with them being arrested. There was no other news about them.

His phone made a text noise. Picking it up, he turns on the screen to see who it is.

 _Unknown_ : We’re safe. Do not reply.

And that was all. Bucky let out a breath, figuring that everything would be alright.

~/*\~

It wasn’t all right. The next day, giant somethings were launched and within half an hour had fired on each other and were crashing into the Potomac. Bucky was mostly certain his friends had something to do with it, but he had no way of knowing if they were safe or not. They didn’t have phones, and there was no information on the news. They just described the event as a terrorist attack. There was no news as to whether or not there were casualties, who had stopped the attack, or anything.  
The bakery was closed early, as no one was able to work, distracted by the events happening.

Bucky went home, frantically trying to call Becca. He knew she wasn't in town today, but what if she was? What if she had taken a trip or the day off school or something?

When she answered her phone, he nearly cried in relief. Apparently the feeling was mutual. But she was safe at school, and he was in his apartment. They were both ok.

Bucky wished he knew the same about Clint, Natasha, and Sam.

But it wasn’t until the next day that he heard from Clint. He called late in the evening to say they were all alive.

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?” He demanded.

“We had debriefings to attend, and we were sort of in medical for a while-”

“You were in a hospital?!”

“Dude, we were literally getting shot at. And Sam got kicked off a helicarrier. It would be more surprising if none of us had to go to medical.”

Bucky curses and rubs his temples.

“But you’re all okay now? Nobody _actually_ got shot or anything?”

“Right. No one got shot.” Clint said, maybe a little too quickly.

Bucky narrowed his eyes.

“Clint?” He asks in a warning voice.

“Well, maybe Nat did. But she’s okay, really. We’re planning a trip.”

“You aren’t supposed to tell him that!” He hears her shout in the background.

“Whoops. Got to go. Bye Bucky.”

“Wait, Clint-!” But Clint hug up on him. Bucky looked at his phone, it flashed to tell him the call was disconnected before going dark. He scowled and threw it against the wall. At least he they were mostly ok.

He lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling, and let his mind wander.

Everyone was alive, and probably not going to die anytime soon. All his friends were fine. They were safe. The only person he knew that he didn’t know if they were safe…

With a jolt, he realized he had no idea if the blond guy he kept seeing every where was safe. He didn't have a name, or any idea where he lived.

He very briefly considered going and looking, but decided against it, knowing it wouldn’t do anything. He hadn’t seen the guy in a couple weeks. Maybe he traveled for work or moved or something. He was probably safe too. But it didn’t stop Bucky from worrying.

~/*\~

“You’re just leaving? Why?” Bucky asks, They sat on his couch, packed bags by his door. Apparently they had decided that they owed him more than a phone call for this discussion.

“We’re going after the Winter Soldier. This man is a very dangerous assassin and on the run. We need to bring him in.” Clint responds, nudging Natasha.

“Then why are you going after him? Didn’t you just destroy the agency you worked for?” He remembers they are also Avengers. “Or is this an Avengers thing?”

“I owe him,” Natasha says, “If he is too dangerous, too unstable, I owe him a bullet. If not,” she shrugs, looking down at her hands “he saved my life once, and if I can, I’ll save his.”

“How do you even _know_ an assassin?” Bucky asks her.

She gives him a sad smile.

“He was the instructor at the all girls school I went to.”

“I thought you said he died.”

“He did.”

Bucky was no less confused, but nodded anyway. Natasha didn’t seem like she was willing to talk about it anymore, so he let it drop.

Natasha picked up her bag and hugged him.

“We’ll be back. And we’ll check in every now and again.” She stepped back. “You still owe me coffee.” She tells him.

“I think at this point, you owe me.” He replies.

Her smile is much more genuine when she replies “You’re right.” She turns to Clint. “We need to get to the airport. Stay out of trouble.” She adds to Bucky before leaving. Clint stands and gives him a half hug.

“I knew you weren’t a pilot.” Bucky tells him, trying for smug.

Clint huffs and says “It’s not my day job, but I can fly.”

“Sure.” Bucky responds.

Clit flips him off, then leaves.

Bucky watched them go, wondering if he ever knew anything about them.  
He meant to go to bed early that night, knowing he had to be up by four. But between worrying about his friends hunting an _assassin_ , and the man whose name he didn’t know, he didn’t get much sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case you wantred to know, Fury was shot at Sam's apartment. Natasha was meeting with Sam to go over Captain America stuff when Fury showed up and got shot.
> 
> The next chapter will have Steve in it, promise!
> 
> I'm also working on a short Stucky fluff oneshot (completely unrelated to this universe) and am debating between finishing it now or waiting until I finish this, and can't decide. I would still be working on this at the same time. So. :) any thoughts?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, Steve is in this chapter! :)

Bucky definitely regretted staying up so late. But he still managed to get to work on time, so he was counting it as a win.  
He turned the corner to go through the backdoor, knowing that the front was still locked. Not sure what prompted him to do so, he looked around the alley. He assumed it was empty, but something next to the dumpster caught his eye. Leaning closer, he saw that it was a person. They were wearing an old ball cap, a couple jackets and both their pants and their boots had seen better days. Bucky couldn’t see their face, but he assumed they were asleep.

Bucky went into the store, shedding his jacket and putting it into a hook.

“Morning, Bucky!” Maya greeted cheerfully. Bucky made a face at her, but returned the sentiment. He pulled out ingredients and quickly got to work.

“Did you know,” Bucky starts, turning to look at Maya, “That there’s someone sleeping by the dumpster” she looks up with a frown.

“No, I didn’t notice anyone, when I came in. It’s still pretty dark out.” She looks to the door. Ashley walks in.

“Ashley!” Maya greets, “Is there someone by the dumpster?” Ashley gives a confused look, but dutifully checks.

“Yeah?”

Maya nods once.

“Would you go grab a few things from the day-old counter? I’m sure that they could use something to eat.” Ashley responds in the affirmative and Bucky smiles, unsurprised. Maya did this kind of thing regularly.

He quickly finishes the batter and puts it into baking pans, before moving on to the next thing. He hears the door open and close, and sees ashley come back in shaking her head.

“Poor guy,” she says, “I think he thought I was there to kick him out of the alley. Didn’t say anything when I offered him the bag. Didn’t even take it.”

“Did you leave it by him?” Maya asks. Ashley puts on an apron and starts on a task.

“Yeah, I did.” They start talking about Ashley’s new boyfriend instead, and Bucky chooses to ignore them in favor of working. He’s too tired to work and talk.

As things come out of the oven, he takes them up front and puts them in the display cases. There are a few things in the fridge that can be taken to the front, so he does that as well. Soon it’s time to open the shop, and Bucky is ready to go back to sleep.

Maya tisks at him, smacking at him with a towel.

“What time did you go to bed last night?”

“Late.” He responds, from where he has his head on the counter. She snorts and shoos him back into the kitchen, saying he could spend the rest of the shift working in the kitchen, but not to burn down the bakery.

He’s relieved when Rachel shows up on time for the shift change, and he could go home. He exits, looking around the alley. The man left, but he had at least taken the bag with him.

~/*\~

The next day, Bucky is walking home from meeting Becca at a coffee shop. After the disaster downtown, they had decided to meet up as soon as possible. She had taken a day off work, and Bucky had gone straight there after his morning shift. They had visited and affirmed that neither was actually hurt. And since they hadn’t told him he couldn’t, he told her about Clint and Natasha being Avengers. She had been unsurprised.

“What? How do you know!” He demanded.

“It's all over the internet, Buck,” she told him, sipping her drink. “All sorts of crazy files were put online, and that’s one of the things that came out first. Haven’t you been watching the news?”

“No,” he grumbled, “I stopped after the thing.” Becca had nodded and they changed the subject.

There was a slight noise as things were shifted around in an alley, interrupting Bucky’s thoughts. It was common enough in New York during the day, and Bucky almost ignored it. But it was followed by a small grunt of pain, which he couldn’t.  
Turning into the alley with a soft “hello?” There appeared to be nothing. Hoping he wasn’t making a mistake, he stepped further in to investigate. There was a man huddled against the wall of the building trying to make himself look as small as possible. He wasn’t successful.

“Hey, are you alright?” Bucky asked, stepping closer. He got a better look, and with a little surprise, realized it was the man from yesterday morning. Bucky crouched down in front of him, to get a look at his face. It was the blond man.

Bucky sucked in a breath as he looked the man over. His clothes, as he had noticed yesterday morning, were worse for wear. But he was dirty and had small cuts all over his face that looked to be weeks old. Bucky winced at the sight. Some of them probably should have been stitched.

The blond man was watching Bucky, looking uncomfortable with the scrutiny and maybe with a hint of fear.

“Sorry,” Bucky said, realizing how close he was to the guy and backing up a little. He relaxed a little bit. “Are you ok?” He asks again.

He hesitated, but nodded once, not saying anything.

Bucky nodded back. “Good,” he hesitates a moment before asking “Did you leave that guy?”

The man’s eyes dart around the alley, before returning to Bucky’s face, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Do you have somewhere you can go?” Bucky asks.

The man suges upright, moving towards to the mouth of the alley, only to collapse against the wall, with a harsh breath.  
Bucky curses and hurries after him

“I thought you said you weren’t hurt!” Bucky exclaims, going to help him. The man shakes his head, going tense under Bucky's hands.

“Don’t, don’t take me back,” the man rasps, “please, don't take me back.”

“I won’t, I promise.” Bucky says, gently. The man looks like he doesn’t quite believe Bucky, but doesn’t try to get away either.

“Look, why don’t you let me take you to my apartment. I have a first aid kit, it’ll probably help. Or I could drive you to a hospital?” The man shakes his head hard. 

“Ok, no hospital. But you should probably clean up those cuts, and I’m assuming you did something to your leg.” Bucky notices the way he’s holding his stomach, “maybe your ribs to.” the man searches Bucky’s face intently, but he finally nods. Bucky offers him a smile. “We’re pretty close to my apartment,” Bucky says, wrapping his arm more securely around his shoulders to help him. The man glares at Bucky for it, but again doesn’t pull away or tell him to stop.

After about fifteen minutes, they get to Bucky’s apartment. He quickly unlocks the door, and leads the man inside, depositing him gently on the couch. The man closes his eyes and hunches forward. Bucky leaves him there to go to the bathroom to. Fetch his first aid kit and a warm washcloth. He returns to see the man hasn’t moved at all. But he can hear his fast breathing and quietly kneels down in front of him.

“Hey,” Bucky says. Softly. The man’s eyes snap open and meet his for just a moment, before he looks down again, still breathing too quickly. Bucky reaches out to place his hand on the man's shoulder, but the man moves back. “Ok, ok, I won’t touch,” he says, still softly, “can you breathe with me?” He asks before exaggerating his breathing. He gets a soft glare in return, but the man begins to breathe with him. It takes a while, but he eventually calms down.

Bucky offers him a smile. Gesturing to the first aid kit he asks, “Can I help you with this?” He glances at the kit and swallows hard, but nods. Bucky picks up the washcloth, frowning when he realizes it’s gone cold. He stands and walks to the sink. When he returns, the man is watching him, his face unreadable. Slowly, so the man can move or tell him to stop, Bucky brings the wash cloth to his face, gently wiping away the dirt, mindful of his injuries. There’s a flash of something that looks like surprise before his face is unreadable again.

When he's done, he opens the first aid kit, pulling out a couple butterfly band aids for the cuts on his face.

“There,” he says brightly, “that wasn’t so bad, was it?” The man just blinks at him. “How about we check your ribs?” Bucky suggests when it becomes obvious the other man isn't going to contribute. “And your leg, since it was bothering you.” The man hesitates but begins removing his hat and jackets.

All in all, Bucky was surprised the guy was still standing. He had dried blood in his hair, which Bucky thought meant a head wound, but was just a bump. He was covered in bruises, and had a several cuts, a couple looking more recent and still bleeding, on his torso and what Bucky could only assume is a bullet wound in his calf.

“How were you even standing?” Bucky asks incredulously. As he has come to expect, the man says nothing. When Bucky tried to insist that they go to a hospital, at least for stitches, the man refuses.

“I’ll do it” he says. Bucky is surprised he said anything, but tries to argue with him over it. As much as you can argue with someone who doesn't talk. When it becomes clear that the idea of going to a hospital terrifies the man, he eventually gives up and watches in fascinated horror as he does indeed stitch himself up.

As they cover all the wounds with gauze and wrap them as best as possible, the guy starts to droop a little. When they finish, Bucky starts to clean up, putting the first aid kit back together.

“I meant to ask, what’s your name?” Bucky asks, looking up after finishing with the kit. But the man had leaned back, and appeared to be asleep. At first, Buck was surprised, but then rationalized that he was probably exhausted from his injuries and walking here. Maybe an adrenaline crash.

As quietly as possible, Bucky finished picking things up and putting them away. He wondered how he had gotten hurt so badly. Perhaps it was from his boyfriend. Bucky really hoped that he didn’t go back.

After putting the kit away and making a mental note to buy more stuff for it, Bucky went to his closet and pulled out a blanket. Going back to his living room, he gently covered the man, who didn't even stir. He must have really been exhausted.  
Leaving him there, Bucky went to his room and checked his messages. There was a new one from Nat, who had given him a new number before she left.

 _Natasha_ : This is me checking in. We’re alive.

Bucky frowns at the message, but replies.

 _Bucky_ : Any luck finding yur guy

 _Natasha_ : we have a lead.

Bucky nods, really not sure how to answer that. It’s not like he knows anything about finding people who are supposed to be dead.

He debates telling her about finding the blond man, since he’s mostly certain she knows he was looking out for him over the last few months. She was an Avenger, she was busy. But he would have told her about it before he found out she was an Avenger, so he was going to talk to her about it now.

 _Bucky_ : Remember that guy I tripped over a while ago?

 _Natasha_ : Yup, knock him out this time?

 _Bucky_ : No rude. He has a boyfriend, and Im prety sure it might have been an abusive relationship

 _Natasha_ : Ok, how do you know this?

 _Bucky_ : He told me last time I saw him he had a bf.

 _Natasha_ : Did the boyfriend see you with him? That could be a lot of trouble, for both of you. And you're using past tense.

 _Bucky_ : I may have brought him home. Pretty sure he got away from his bf, since I found him on the street

 _Natasha_ : Bucky, take him to a hospital or the police. You do not want to get mixed up in that.

 _Bucky_ : hes scared nat. Im going to help him.

 _Natasha_ : Exactly. So take him somewhere he can get help. That’s helping.

His phone buzzed with a different conversation. It was Clint.

 _Clint_ : Dude, listen to Natasha. If the Ex comes looking for him, you don’t want to be im the middle.

He frowns at his phone. He thinks about how the man had asked not to be taken back, how worried he had been the last time he had talked to him. He wonders how long he had been on the street before Bucky found him, bleeding. There was probably nowhere else he had to go.

 _Bucky_ : You guys know I can handle myself in a fight. At least for now, he’s going to stay with me

He sent that to both of them before turning off his phone. Bucky was determined to help. He wasn’t really sure how, but he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Clint and Natasha don't think Bucky should get involved in an ended abusive relationship. Bucky is very determined to help anyway, no matter what. :)
> 
> In case anyone's interested, I did write a one shot thing. Stucky on a rainy day. You can find it [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13932708) Yay for being productive! :)
> 
> I think I mentioned I like smiley faces? :) We'll see how many I can get into my notes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there's some German in this. I chose German instead of Russian because I know a tiny bit of German and don't really feel comfortable using Google Translate for Russian for anything longer than two words. Even then... Anyway, I'll put the translation at the end.
> 
> Panic attack and nightmare in this, be aware.
> 
> I also considered making this into two chapters, because it's longer than I thought it was, but couldn't figure out a cut off point I would be happy with, so it's a longer one. Enjoy. :)

When Bucky wakes up the next morning, earlier than he meant to. He tries to fall back asleep, but fails. Grumbling to himself he gets up, figuring he might as well bet up if he can't sleep, and decides to make breakfast.

On his way to the kitchen, he looks over at the man on the couch. It looks like he hasn’t moved at all, and he’s still asleep. Bucky looks at a clock at sees that it’s only 6 am and scowls. Why is _Bucky_ up so early? Muttering quietly to himself he goes into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Looking through his cupboards and the fridge, he quickly decides on pancakes and sets to work. After a while he hears movement from the living room and looks up. He still isn’t awake. He goes back to mixing the batter. When that’s done he goes to the cupboard to pull out a pan. He tries to be quiet, mindful of his guest, so of course he loses his grip on it and drops it. He curses and looks to the living room. The man is no longer asleep on the couch but standing with his back pressed up against a wall and a... knife in his hand? Where did he get the knife?

“Hey man, sorry about that. I dropped a pan.” Bucky says apologetically, Holding his hands up a little.

“Where am I?” The man growled. Bucky blinks at him

“My apartment? I took you home last night after I found you in an alley. You’re pretty beat up.” He reminds him. “Don't you remember?” The man’s expression shutters, going completely blank.

“Who are you?” The man asks cooly

“Bucky Barnes,” He answers immediately. Then “I’m not going to hurt you.” The man looks him over before making the knife disappear. Bucky nods a couple times before turning to pick up the pan he dropped.

“I’m making breakfast. You don’t have any allergies, do you?” He asks, looking back up. The man hasn’t moved from his place against the wall. Bucky frowns at him. “Come sit over here.” Bucky tells him, gesturing with the pan to a chair. He watches as the man hesitates, but cautiously makes his way over before slowly lowering himself onto the chair, watching Bucky the entire time. Bucky returns his distrustful stare with a smile, turning to the stove. He turns the burners on and goes over to the fridge. He pulls out a carton of blueberries, before asking

“Do you like blueberries?” No reply. He turns around and raises an eyebrow at the man, who looks down at the counter. He walks around the counter, still holding the blueberries. The man scrambles out of his chair away from Bucky as he approaches. Bucky stops.

“Sorry,” He holds out the container towards the man. “Try a few, would you like some in your pancakes?” He looks between the container and Bucky’s face as if trying to find the catch. Bucky tries to smile encouragingly, despite the pit in his stomach. The blond man reaches out, and takes one from the container, watching Bucky as he puts it in his mouth. His eyes widen minutely and Bucky smiles at him.

“Want some in your pancakes?” Bucky asks again, gesturing to the batter. The man looks between the batter, the blueberries, and Bucky. He swallows hard, but doesn’t say anything. Bucky sighs, and turns around, missing the man going tense at the sound.

“I’ll do some with and some without. You can decide which you like better.” Bucky decides, going to the stove and putting batter on the hot pan. As Bucky makes the pancakes, the man eventually sits back down in the chair.

When Bucky’s finished, he puts a plate with both plain and blueberry pancakes in front of him, before getting out the syrup. Bucky chooses to stand at the counter, and watches the man poke at his pancakes rather than eat them. After Watching him for a few minutes, Bucky says

“I didn’t poison them or anything, you can eat them.” The man startles and looks up. He glances back down at the plate before looking up at Bucky, tilting his head and narrows his eyes. Bucky squirms under the scrutiny. Finally he asks “what?” The man looks down at the plate again, without saying anything. But he starts eating, slowly, so Bucky isn’t sure what just happened.

Bucky finishes his own breakfast and begins cleaning up. By the time he’s done, he notices the man has eaten less than half of his pancakes and is back to poking at them.

“If you’re done, we can just cover it until you’re hungry later,” Bucky suggests. At Bucky’s words, the man pushes the plate away from him slightly, but doesn’t look up. Bucky takes the plate and puts plastic on it before sticking it the fridge.

“You can get that whenever you want it,” he tells him. The man doesn’t react. “You really are quiet, aren't you.” Bucky mutters, so that the man can’t hear him. “What’s your name?” He finally asks, leaning on the counter across from him. The man had scooted back a little when Bucky leaned on the counter. Bucky frowns, but waits for an answer this time. He eventually shrugs.

“Ok,” Bucky says, looking at him in confusion. “What do you want me to call you?” No reply. “How about, what do other people call you?” There's a beat of silence before the other man shudders slightly and hunches in on himself.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Bucky says, standing up, and moving to comfort the other man. But the man knocks over his chair in his haste to get away.

“ _Bitte, bitte nicht. Es tut mir so leid. Es tut mir leid, bitte. Bitte nicht.._ ” He says, repeating the same phrases over and over again. Bucky stops, his heart breaking.

“Hey, It’s ok pal, I’m sorry. I’m not going to hurt you.” He crouches down, trying to get the other man’s attention, but mindful to keep distance between them. He keeps murmuring reasurances, not sure what else he can do, until the man stops some time later and hesitantly looks up at him. Bucky offers a small smile. “Hey, pal,” He says, “I’m sorry about that. Didn't mean to scare you.” He backs up a bit more, so that when he stands he’s not towering over the other man. “Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll get you something to wear and we can wash your clothes, huh? You can think about the name thing for a while longer.” The man looks exhausted again, but nods and stands up. Bucky walks him to the bathroom, showing him where the towels are, before running to his room to get a pair of sweats and a shirt that’s always been a little big on him.

He returns and places the items on the counter.

“Go ahead and shower. I’ll just be in the living room. Let me know if you need anything. When you’re done, if you want, I’ll help you with bandages and things again.” Bucky says, closing the door behind him.

Bucky breathes out before going to his room to fetch his phone. He pokes at the buttons before remembering he had powered it off last night. He sits on his couch and powers it on. He has 5 text messages from Nat and a missed call.

 _Natasha_ : Last time you got into a fight you got a concussion Bucky. I’m not very reassured.

 _Natasha_ : It would probably be better for both of you if you take him to the police.

 _Natasha_ : Bucky.

 _Natasha_ : Don’t ignore me James

_Missed Call from Natasha  
_

_Natasha:_ If you’re dead I’m going to kill you

Bucky snorts.

 _Bucky_ : I’m still alive Nat. Worst thing that’s happened is I made him breakfast. And He maybe had a panic attack

Nat’s reply came moments later.

 _Natasha_ : And how is he now?

 _Bucky_ : Fine, I think. He’s in the shower.

 _Natasha_ : And How about you? Are you ok? If he’s having panic attacks, they aren’t going to stop any time soon. If you can’t handle them then he needs to leave, for his sake

 _Bucky_ : I am fine nat. I handled it.

 _Natasha_ : I really think it would be better if you took him to a hospital or police station.

 _Bucky_ : He doesn’t want to go to a hospital.

 _Natasha_ : That’s not a good enough reason to let him stay in your house.

 _Bucky_ : I offered Nat. If he wnts to stay here then I’m going to let him

Several minutes pass before she responds.

 _Natasha_ : Fine. Make sure to call the cops if he sees the ex. If you die because of this guy, I’ll kill both of you.

 _Bucky_ : Thx nat

Bucky rolls his eyes and puts his phone down. At least she was concerned. He thinks. He listens and realizes that the shower has stopped. A few minutes later, the man comes out into the living room shoulders hunched, and wearing Bucky’s clothes. He stops by the entryway, falling into parade rest, looking down.

“Why don't you sit down while I get the first aid kit again.” Bucky says, standing. The man quietly walks over to the couch and sits down and Bucky goes to get the kit. He stands on the opposite side of the coffee table, setting the kit down in front of him.

“Can I help you, or would you rather do it yourself?” He asks softly.

“Myself. Please.” He says, not looking Bucky in the eye. Bucky smiles and pushes the kit towards him before sitting on the chair behind him. The man looks up, surprised, before pulling the kit towards himself and removing his shirt.

The bruises looked days better, rather than hours. Faded from the deep purple to a lighter color. The smaller cuts were mostly healed, and the ones with stitches looked like the stitches could come out soon.

“Do you have super healing or something?” Bucky asks in amazement. The man gives him a weird look, before going back to putting bandaids and wrappings on the worst of the injuries.

Bucky shakes his head and checks the time. He frowns, realizing he needs to get ready for work. He debates between calling in sick to stay home and leaving the man alone. He wasn’t afraid the man would rob him or anything, but he was concerned that he would be alright. That he would still be there when Bucky got back. He decided it’s not his choice if he stays or goes, and stands to get ready for work.

When he stands, the other man looks up at him, going very still.

“I have to get ready for work,” He tells him apologetically. Bucky walks to his room to change, feeling the eyes of the other man on him as he goes. He changes quickly and grabs his jacket. When he returns to the living room, the man has finished and put his shirt back on. He sits with his back straight, gazing at nothing.

“Hey bud,” Bucky says softly, trying to avoid startling him. After a minute, the man blinks a couple times before turning to look at Bucky. “I have to go to work now,” He tells him, “But you’re welcome to look around or help yourself to anything in the fridge. I should be back around six-thirty.” The other man nods once in confirmation. Bucky smiles and leaves.

~/*\~

They weren’t very busy today, and Bucky tried to distract himself from thinking about his guest with his phone. He ends up googling information on what to do for someone who had left an abusive relationship. Most of the information he finds is how to help someone still in the relationship. But he reads a couple of those and decided that the information was still relevant. Encouraging self care, letting them know you were there for them, and not questioning their decisions were all things that he could do. He wondered if it would help.

He’s distracted from, his thoughts when Jared comes in from the kitchen.

“Did you hear that the Smithsonian is going to do an exhibit on Superheros? They’re even going to do part of it on Captain America!” Jared tells him. Bucky looks up from his phone.

“What?” He asks. Jared grins, as he puts a tray of cinnamon rolls in the glass case.

“The Smithsonian, they’re doing an exhibit about superheros in honor of Captain America. The fiftieth anniversary of when they found the Valkyrie is coming up. Apparently there's going to be a display about the guy, and some old interviews about him. Theories on why they never found his body and that kind of thing. And then there’s going to be a whole ‘nother part dedicated to the Avengers, since they are the current superheros around here.” Jared tells him with obvious excitement. Bucky smiles.

“All of the Avengers?” He asks. “Hawkeye and Black Widow too?” Jared nods

“That’s what I’ve heard. Since a lot of information at Shield was dumped on the internet, there’s a lot more information about each of the Avengers. Their identities aren’t really a secret anymore. And there’s a rumor that a new Avenger is going to join the team, but there’s no solid information on that.”

Bucky snorts and shakes his head. He had to tell Clint and Nat.

“What?” Jared asks.

“Nothing,” Bucky says, “Are the Avengers saying anything about this?”

Jared shrugs.

“Not really, I mean the only one who might would be Tony Stark, and he hasn’t released anything on it yet, so.” Bucky nods.

“It might be worth checking out.” Bucky says. “In about a month you said?” Jared nods.

“Yep. I expect their website will have more information soon. I’m going to see if Rachel wants to go with me.”

“Yeah, well good luck.” Bucky says lameley. Jared smiles, before going back into the kitchen.

Opening up his messaging app, he sends a text to Clint.

 _Bucky_ : Guess what :)))

He doesn’t expect an answer soon since they are looking for someone and probably busy. A group comes in and he helps them as they order a few things. When He finishes helping them and bids them a good day, he turns back to his phone to see Clint replied

 _Clint_ : You’re not dead.

 _Bucky_ : yeah, but guess what the Smithsonians doing

 _Clint_ : I already know, dude  
_Clint_ : Its the Cap exhibit. We’re doing a press release the same day about Sam.

 _Bucky_ : Bbbut did you know that they are also doing an exhibit on the Avengers

 _Clint_ : awe museum, no.

 _Bucky_ : Your ugly mug is going to be in the museum

 _Clint_ : Please, everyone loves my face

 _Clint_ : I think I liked having a secret identity

 _Clint_ : gtg dont die

 _Bucky_ : you’re the one hunting an assassin

 _Clint_ : :)

He checks the time. Just four more hours to go.

~/*\~

Bucky arrives home to find the man standing behind the couch, tense and wary as he watches Bucky open the door.

“Hey bud, how’s your day been?” Bucky asks cheerfully, walking in. The man frowns a little as if confused. Bucky walks to his room to take off his shoes and puts away his jacket and wallet. He picks up the bag from the shop and goes back into the kitchen. The man has moved to the chair at the counter, watching Bucky as he comes in, frown still in place. Bucky walks over to a cupboard and pulls out a couple plates. Reaching into the bag, he pulls out the cinnamon rolls he had brought and puts them on the plates.

“Here,” he says sliding one over, “It’s not hot anymore, but they’re still pretty good.” He picks up his own plate and wanders into the living room to sit on the couch to flip on Netflix. When Bucky looks over to the kitchen he sees the other man still watching him, his head tilted a little bit. Bucky decides to just let him be and goes back to watching his show and eating his dinner. After an episode he looks back to see that the man has disassembled the roll and is slowly picking at the pieces. Bucky smiles.

He watches another one before deciding to get the guest room ready. He stands and stretches, ignoring how the other man freezes. Bucky offers him a smile and watches as he relaxes slightly and goes back to eating his roll.

Bucky goes to the closet where he keeps sheets and grabs a set to put on the bed in the spare room. Going into his room he grabs a spare pillow and a blanket from his closet and puts those in the spare room as well.

When he returns he sees his guest standing in the living room, examining the TV remote. When he spots Bucky, he drops the remote and steps away. Bucky frowns as he picks up the remote.

“Why did you do that?” He asks. The man flinches and takes another step back. Bucky’s eyes widen. “No, sorry, sorry. It’s ok, just,” Bucky runs a hand through his hair, “I didn't mean to startle you. Is there something you wanted to watch?” The man doesn’t move away from the wall, but he does lose the wary expression, falling into something more blank. Bucky sighs and puts the remote onto the coffee table. He walks back into the kitchen, noticing the empty plate.

“Want another one?” He asks, gesturing to the pan of rolls. The man doesn’t say anything, but does move closer. Bucky takes that as a yes. He smiles and puts another one on the plate, before giving it a gently push in the man’s direction. He turns to the fridge and opens it. He frowns when he sees that the plate from this morning doesn’t look like it’s been touched. He grabs a cup from the cupboard and fills it with milk, putting it next to the plate. Selecting a roll for himself, he jumps up onto the counter by the fridge before eating it. After a minute of Bucky carefully not watching the other man, the man edges closer to the counter and sits on the chair again. He glances at Bucky before slowly pulling the roll apart, looking at each piece as if to make sure there was nothing inside of it. Once pulled apart, he begins to eat it. Bucky wonders at it, but chooses not to comment. Even though he’s finished before the other man, Bucky chooses to stay sitting on the counter, still carefully not watching him. Even if he is. A little.

“I made up the guest room for you,” he says when the man is almost done eating. There’s still no reaction. The man just keeps picking at his decimated roll. “It’s probably more comfortable than the couch was.” Bucky adds, looking over at said couch. When he looks back, the other man has finished and is staring at his hands in his lap.

Bucky sighs and jumps off the counter. At the sound of his feet hitting the floor, the man’s head jerks up.

“I’m going to get ready for bed,” he tells him, “come on, I’ll show you the guest room and get you a toothbrush.” The man follows him as Bucky shows him the guest room and fetches him a toothbrush. When Bucky bids him a goodnight and lets him know he’ll just be in the other room, he still says nothing.

Bucky goes to bed, a little disappointed that the other man still wasn’t saying anything, even though he rationalized it had only been a day.

He hopes the next day will go better.

~/*\~

Bucky is woken up by someone screaming.

Disoriented, he falls out of bed, his heart pounding. He picks up the bat he keeps by his bed, before running into the other room. He bursts into the guest room to see the blond man lying on the ground. At the sound of the door hitting the wall, he surges upright, scrambling away from the sound, breathing hard, trying to mask the wounded noises he was still making. Bucky puts down the bat and turns on the light, to which the other man flinches.

“You’re okay, you’re safe, it’s okay, it was just a dream,” Bucky says, approaching slowly. He reaches out to touch the man’s shoulder, but the man smacks his hand away. “Right, no touching, I forgot. Sorry” Bucky says a little ruefully, shaking his hand. The man has stopped making noises but is trembling and still breathing too quickly. Bucky crouches down a few feet in front of the man. “Hey, you’re okay, you’re safe, take deep breaths, like this.” He says before exaggerating his breathing. After a minute the man starts to copy him. His breathing gets better but he continues to tremble slightly.

“Sorry,” the man mumbles, “sorry, sorry, sorry…” Bucky shushes him, refraining from reaching out, telling him he was okay, that there wasn't anything to be sorry for, that it was just a dream.

When the man finally looks up at Bucky he’s pale and his face is streaked with tears.

“Hey there bud,” Bucky says quietly, “you're okay now, you're safe.” The man searches Bucky's face for a minute before slumping against the wall and closing his eyes again. He takes a couple of deep breaths before reopening them.  
Bucky looks over at the clock to see it’s about an hour before his alarm clock is set to go off. Bucky groans, and the other man shrinks further in on himself, looking remorseful.

“It’s fine,” Bucky says, “I just have to be in to work early today. It’s about time for me to be getting up anway.” The other man looks doubtful, but doesn't comment. Bucky stands with a sigh. He reaches a hand out to help the other man up. He looks at the hand, then at Bucky, before slowly reaching up to take it and allowing Bucky to help him stand up.

“Do ya want to go back to sleep?” Bucky asks him. He shakes his head. Bucky nods and goes to leave the room. He frowns at the blankets on the floor. “Did ‘ja fall out or something?” He asks, looking over at the blond man. He just hunches his shoulders and doesn’t say anything. Bucky nods and leaves, the blond man following behind him. Bucky goes to the coffee machine and turns it on, blinking tiredly. He turns to see what the other man is doing and finds him sitting on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest, staring at nothing. Bucky watches him sadly until the machine beeps at him to get his attention. He pours it into two mugs, doctoring both of them with milk and sugar, before taking one over to the man on the couch. He stands by him holding out the mug with a quiet “hey” and waits. The man blinks a couple times, coming out of his head, before turning his head to look at Bucky, confusion and perhaps fear on his face.

“Bucky?” He asks uncertainly. Bucky gives him a soft smile.

“Yeah, pal. I’m Bucky.” He says, holding out the mug for him to take. He nods before taking the cup from Bucky, holding it and staring into it. Bucky leaves him to it and fetches his own.

He drinks it and pours himself another one. When he hears his alarm go off in the other room, he goes to turn it off and get ready for the day. When he returns, Bucky sees him sitting in the same position, still staring at the cup.

Checking the time again, he decides he has enough time to eat some cereal.

“You might feel better if you eat something.” Bucky calls out. The other man looks up at him. He unfolds from the couch and sits on the same stool s yesterday. He holds out the mug to Bucky. Bucky shakes his head and says “No thanks, if you don’t want it, leave it on the counter or pour it down the sink.” And turns to get bowls and spoons for both of them. He pauses while in the fridge when he sees the pancakes from yesterday.

“Do you want cereal or would you rather eat pancakes from yesterday?” He asks. ‘Or cinnamon rolls,” he adds, remembering the pan. The blond man says nothin, but pushes the mug in slow circles by poking at the handle.

Bucky pulls out the plate anyway and sets it down. He also puts a bowl next to it in case he decides he wants cereal. The man stops pushing at the mug and frowns at both the plate and bowl.

Bucky leaves him be and pours himself some cereal. He finishes quickly and places his dish in the sink.

“I'll be back later,” he tells him, “You should eat.” He adds, with a nod to the dishes in front of him. He blinks up at Bucky and goes back to spinning the mug, somewhat pointedly.

“Punk,” Bucky says to him.

~/*\~

Despite his somewhat early morning, he makes it through the morning and afternoons shifts easily. He double checks the schedule and is pleased to see that this morning was his last early morning for the week.

When he arrives home, he doesn’t see the blond man in the kitchen. The bowl is still out, but the pancakes are gone, so Bucky assumes that the man didn't decide to just go hungry today. Looking around, there doesn’t seem to be any indication that the blond man was still in the apartment. A quick glance down the hall showed he wasn't in the bathroom either though. Maybe he left? Bucky’s shoulders slumped at the thought. It wasn’t like he could stop him or had any claim on the man. He didn’t even know his name.

Bucky trudged towards his room to take off his shoes. The door to the guest room was mostly closed and Bucky wondered if perhaps the man was in there. Pushing open the door, he sees the man sitting on the bed, hands clasped in front of him, knees resting on his elbows. Bucky smiles in relief.

“Hey,” he says warmly.

The man licks his lips and opens his mouth, but changes his mind before he says anything. He offers a hesitant smile back.

“I’m going to put my things away,” Bucky says, “You eat anything since this morning?” He gets a blank look back. Bucky rolls his eyes and sighs.

“I’m going to bake some potatoes,” He says leaving the room, “You're welcome to have some when they’re done.” He washes a few potatoes, covering them with butter and salt before putting them to bake in the oven. After washing his hands, he stops by his room to grab the book he got from work and sits on the couch to read. The blond man comes in a few minutes later, stopping by the couch Bucky’s sitting on, just out of reach. Bucky looks up at him. He fidgets slightly but doesn't say anything. After a minute, he sighs and moves over to the couch.

“You could read a book if you're bored,” Bucky tells him, gesturing to the bookcases, and then turning back to his own book. He hears the man stand and make his way over to the shelves before sitting on the couch again. When he looks up, he has a book in his lap but is looking at Bucky instead of reading. He looks down when Bucky catches him looking.

The timer goes off and they go into the kitchen. The man again pokes at his food before eating it, and Bucky finishes before he does. Throughout the rest of the day, Bucky catches the guy watching him, or looking like he’s going to say something before changing his mind.

Bucky gets ready for bed and goes back into the kitchen to turn off the lights. When he stops by the guest room to say goodnight, he sees the man standing in front of the bed, looking at it, shoulders hunched.

“Everything alright?” Bucky asks. The man nods without turning around. Bucky raises his eyebrows in surprise at the response, but bids him a goodnight.

Bucky sleeps later than he meant to, but wakes to the smell of coffee. He takes a few minutes to finish waking up before stopping in the bathroom on his way to the kitchen. When he gets there, the blond man slides a mug towards him. Bucky picks it up and sips at it

“Thanks, pal,” he says with a yawn.

“Steve.”

Bucky looks up in surprise to see the man looking at him, his head raised so he was looking Bucky in the eye. Almost defiant.

“My name is Steve.”

“Alright,” Bucky says, “Thanks, Steve.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> " _Bitte, bitte nicht. Es tut mir so leid. Es tut mir leid, bitte. Bitte nicht_ " roughly translates to: " _please, please don't. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, please. Please don't_ " In case you wanted your heart broken just a little more. :)
> 
> Thank you so much for comments and kudos, it really makes my day so much better to see that people like what I'm doing! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grocery shopping, 'turn about is fair play' and Bucky gets in trouble with Becca. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took a lot longer to write than I thought. Mostly because I kept rewriting it because I wasn't happy with it. I probably had three or four versions of each thing. So, sorry about the delay.

The next few days pass easily. Steve still doesn’t really talk, but Bucky wasn’t really expecting him to go from almost completely silent to chatterbox. He had hoped that Steve would respond to questions like what did he want to eat, or if there was anything he wanted to go get from his ex’s apartment. The last one had gotten him a strange look. But that was about the extent. Not that Steve was still non verbal. Steve would occasionally comment on what they watched, or yesterday he asked about Bucky’s job. They were getting along, and Bucky was glad to see Steve getting more and more comfortable.

Bucky was walking home one day when he heard someone behind him. He turned to see who it was, and was surprised to see Steve. He was still dressed in Bucky’s clothes (and Bucky has had to keep pushing the weird feeling that that brought up as far down as it could go) carrying a duffle bag over his shoulder. Bucky smiled and waved at him, stopping so they could walk side by side.

“Hey, Steve” He greets when the other man had caught up to him, “What you got there?”

“Some of my stuff,” He replies. Bucky had assumed as much.

“I would have gone with you to get it, you know,” Bucky tells him, “you didn’t have to go back by yourself.” Steve shakes his head.

“Wouldn't’ve been safe,” he says.

“But it was safe for you?” Bucky retorts. Steve stops walking and looks at him thoughtfully, forehead creased. Bucky simply looks back at him, eyebrow raised. Steve lets out a puff of air before shaking his head again. He looks back up at Bucky and gives him an amused smile before continuing to walk. Bucky, feeling confused, walks after him.

They get back to the apartment and Steve has put his bag in what Bucky has told him is his room before Bucky says anything.

“You're ok, though? He wasn't home, didn't hurt you on your way out?” Steve shakes his head again, amused smile still in place. “You're sure?”

“Yes Bucky. See?” He lifts the hem of his shirt to his chin and does a slow twirl to reveal that the old damage was completely healed and there was no new damage. Bucky clears his throat and rubs at the back of his neck.

“Ok, good.” Steve puts down his shirt and walks over to the couch where he curls up a little and picks up a book sitting on the table. “Uh, looks like you're all healed up from the other day. That's good.” Steve glances at him briefly but continues to read his book.

Bucky shakes his head, and goes to make a shopping list. Steve still in mind, he remembers he needs to buy more things for his first aid kit. After writing that down. He goes through the kitchen looking around for what he needs and writes that down too.

“Steve,” He calls, grabbing the other man's attention. “Is there anything you want from the store?” Steve tilts his head slightly, but looks back blankly, not saying anything. Bucky waits, but Steve still doesn’t say anything, just looks steadily back. Bucky sighs at hin, and Steve winces slightly. “Sorry,” Bucky says, “If you think of anything, let me know.” Bucky turns back to his list, and after a few minutes, Steve did the same.

Bucky finishes and begins to work on dinner, making a simple pasta. Every now and again, he feels like he's being watched, but when he looks over at Steve, he's still reading. He turns off the stove and pulls out a couple plates before walking over to Steve, who is steadily reading his book.

“What you reading he asks, leaning over the couch, but careful to keep a little distance from Steve. Steve shows him the cover of False Prince. “Huh, I forgot I had that one. It's pretty good. Anyway, I made dinner.”  
They ate in silence, as had become the custom over the last week. Steve still poked at his dinner but didn't do it for as long, meaning they finished at about the same time.

“Why don't you pick something to watch, I'll work on dishes.” Bucky said, turning to do so. IT didn't take long, and when he was finished he turned to the living room to see what Steve had chosen, only to find im sitting on the couch and staring at the remote.

“Everything alright, Steve?” Steve didn’t even look up at him. Bucky went to stand near Steve. “Steve? Can you hear me?” Steve still didn’t look up. Bucky started to reach out, before remembering that Steve didn't like to be touched. He ran his fingers through his hair instead, and decided to turn on music, to see if he would react to that. It takes a few minutes, but Steve shakes himself out of his stupor and looks up at Bucky.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky says quietly, “Where’d you go?” Steve closes his eyes briefly, a pained expression making an appearance.

“You still want to watch something? Or would you rather do something else?” Steve swallows and curls in on himself, not answering. “Ok, we can just sit here for a while.” Bucky sits on the couch next to Steve, who shudders slightly.

Bucky’s playlist plays in the background as they sit there quietly. “If you want to talk about it, Steve,” Bucky says into the quiet, “I would listen.” Steve nods, but doesn’t otherwise react, and they fall back into the silence.

Bucky must fall asleep at some point in time, because when he wakes up, he’s covered with a blanket and Steve is nowhere in sight, the music having been turned off. He stands up and stretches before going to bed. Bucky notices Steve’s door is closed, but stops outside it anyway saying a soft ‘goodnight” before going into his room.

~/*\~

When Bucky gets up the next morning, he finds Steve already dressed and reading in the living room. Bucky notices he's still wearing Bucky’s clothes rather than his own.

Bucky goes and makes himself coffee, bidding Steve a good morning. Steve looks up and smiles but goes back to reading. Bucky grabs his mug and sits across from Steve.

“You're still wearing my clothes?” Bucky says. Steve looks up and meets Bucky’s gaze, head tilted. Bucky waves a hand at him saying, “I don’t mind, it’s fine, I just figured you would have gotten some clothes yesterday from your old apartment.” Steve shifts a little.

“I don’t have any clothes,” Steve mumbles, looking down.

“Oh,” Bucky says. He hesitates before saying “I’m going to the store today, want to come? We could get you something to wear.”

Steve looks down at what he's wearing and the up at Bucky.

“Am I doing something wrong?” He asks. Bucky shakes his head, wondering where that idea came from.

“No, of course not. I just thought you might like to have your own clothes.” Steve frowns, thinking.

“I’ll go to the store with you,” he says after a moment, “We'll see. About the clothes.”

“Alright.”

They go to the nearest superstore after breakfast. Bucky decides to have Steve find something to wear first, but Steve doesn't offer any opinions, shrugging when asked about style or colors. They end up getting a few shirts, a couple pairs of pants that fit, a jacket because it's fall now, socks and underwear, before calling it good and moving on to food.

It didn’t take long for Bucky to get the things on his list. Shopping trips were usually faster when he had a list. Every now and again he would try to get Steve to help choose something, or would ask if there was something he wanted to get, but like with the clothes, Steve never said anything; occasionally shrugging but mostly looking at him blankly.

“Some help you are,” Bucky grumbled, making Steve chuckle, which made Bucky smile a little.

After getting everything on his list, he ended up wandering the isles, trying to decide if there was anything else he wanted, since Steve was still no help. When he looked up at one point though, Steve was gone. A quick glance around showed that Steve really wasn't nearby. Frowning, Bucky steers his cart out of the isle to go looking for him. It was entirely possible that Steve had decided he wanted to get something after all, and had simply gone to go get it.

He almost crashes into a guy as Bucky comes out of the isle. The guy has a hand over his bloody nose and curses at Bucky while Bucky stares at him in shock. The guy continues on his way and Bucky shakes his head slightly before continuing his search for Steve. He finds him down an isle talking quietly to a girl, who nods and places a hand on his arm, replying just as softly and then leaving. Steve turns to where Bucky is standing and offers a smile.

“Someone you know?” Steve shrugs, tucking his hands into his pockets. “Ok,” Bucky says “Well, I think I'm just about done here, unless there’s something you want to look at?”

Steve shakes his head.

“No, thanks.” He replies. Bucky rolls his eyes, but smiles a little at the real answer.

~/*\~

Steve disappearing didn’t turn out to be a one time thing. Once or twice a week, Bucky would go shopping and Steve always came along. He didn’t disappear every time, that rarely happened. But when it did, Bucky went to find him. Usually someone talking to him quietly, or he was helping someone put things in a cart or reaching for things on top shelves. Once Bucky found him while a girl hugged him, sobbing into his shirt, while Steve patted her on the back looking a little uncomfortable. Other times Steve would leave and it wasn’t until he was coming back that Bucky noticed he was gone. Bucky asked about it sometimes, but Steve would just shrug and not reply.

Each time they went, Bucky made sure to ask Steve’s opinion on things or if he wanted to get something. The day Steve chose something and handed it to Bucky with a hesitant expression, Bucky wanted to cheer. After that, Steve always chose something, and it became a fun thing to try something new.

~/*\~

The first time Bucky came home from work to find the apartment empty, his heart sank. Steve definitely wasn't there. He rationalized that maybe the guy didn't have to spend every second in Bucky's apartment. But Bucky liked having Steve there over the last three weeks. It was nice to come home and have someone there, rather than an empty apartment.

Steve came back within minutes of Bucky’s arrival. He froze in the door when he saw Bucky, but closed the door and cautiously walked in.

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky says cheerfully, wondering at the other man’s unease. “Where’d you go?”

Steve shrugged and walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

“Just walking.” He said. After he finished, he walked over to the bookshelf to choose a new book before sitting and reading again.

Bucky watched him for a minute and noticed his knuckles were red. Frowning, he asked “Did you hit something while you were out?”

Steve hunched his shoulders slightly.

“A guy. Getting in a shop owners face, ‘n being rude.”

“Oh, well ok.” Bucky said. Steve relaxed and glanced up at Bucky. And that was that.

While Bucky was gone, Steve would occasionally go out on walks. Sometimes, he would still be gone before Bucky got. Back, and a couple of times Bucky met up with him on the walk back. Occasionally, Steve would return and it would be obvious he had been fighting someone. He didn’t always say what happened. Bucky was a little worried about him, but so far he seemed to be okay, and it wasn’t like he was getting hurt. It might also be hypocritical of him to ask him to stop. So Bucky let him be.  
More and more recently, Steve would be out walking around the same time Bucky was arriving home from work. When Bucky walked into work, Steve would meet him halfway home. If he had driven, he would be near the parking lot and they would walk up to their apartment. Steve was still quiet, but he would share interesting insights, or they would discuss books that they had both read. It was a lot different than a month ago when Steve had first come to live with him. Bucky was pleasantly surprised that he was doing this well after his failed relationship. Steve still had nightmares he wouldn’t talk about and Bucky tried to avoid touching him casually or unexpectedly, but all in all, he seemed to be doing well.

~/*\~

Steve had met Bucky on the way home again. Bucky was tired after working for most of the way, and they walked in silence. It was mostly dark, the sun setting earlier and earlier these days. Bucky noticed as Steve stiffened, but before he could ask what was wrong, Steve ran ahead. Bucky cursed and tried to catch up to him, calling his name, but Steve was _fast_. He saw Steve turn into an alley a couple blocks ahead, and made his way there as fast as he could. A girl ran out, pulling at her jacket, her makeup smeared as if she had been crying. She was gone before he reached the alley. Bucky turned into it to see Steve fighting three guys.  
Well, two since one was already KO’d and on the ground. Bucky was in time to see one of the standing guys hit Steve in the face. When Bucky cried out, Steve turned to look at him briefly. If the other two thought that they could take advantage of Steve's distraction, they were wrong. A few more hits and they gave up, grabbing their buddy and running past Bucky  
Bucky walked over to Steve, who hadn’t moved from the end of the alley.

“Steve? You alright?” He asked, walking to stand in front of him. Steve took a deep breath and blew it out before replying.

“Yeah, fine.” He says, turing to walk out.

Bucky hurried after him.

“What were you thinking, taking three guys at once?”” He demands.

“She was calling for help, I couldn’t just leave her,” Steve defends.

“Of course not, but I was right there with you, and could have helped.”

“There wasn’t time!”

“You could have at least told me before you ran off! You could have been seriously hurt. There were _three_ of them, Steve.”

“I had them.” Steve says.

“You got hit in the face.”

“I'm fine.”

“You're icing it When we get back.”

“I really don't need to.”

“You're icing it when we get back.”

They finished the walk without saying anything else. Bucky unlocked the door and dumped his stuff just inside.

“Go sit on the couch,” Bucky orders. Steve stiffly does as he's told. Bucky stops by the bathroom first for the first aid kit, grateful they had restocked it a few weeks ago, before getting an ice pack from the freezer.

For the most part, Steve did look ok. The beginnings of a black eye showing, and a couple scrapes on his knuckles.  
With permission, Bucky washes Steve’s hands and decides they are fine without bandaids. Handing Steve the ice pack for his eye he says,

“You're lucky they didn’t get you more than once. _Three_ of them, Steve, by _yourself_.”

“Lucky shot,” Steve says giving Bucky a look when handed the ice pack, dutifully putting it on his eye.

“Lucky shot,” Bucky says in disbelief, “Seriously, I would have helped.” Steve puts the ice down and lifts his chin.

“I didn’t need help,” he insists, “and I'm not going to apologize.” Bucky sighs and stands.

“You don’t have to apologize, Steve,” he says, “I'm just worried about you. I was scared you were going to get hurt.” He walks around the couch to pick up his things. “You should put that back on your face,” he tells him, walking to his room.  
He quickly puts his things away and pulls out his phone. There’s a new message from Becca. A picture of her home work, with a frowny face. He smiles. With a glance out his door, he sends her a message back.

 _Bucky_ : I'm sorry for every time I got in a fight and made you worry.

He puts his phone in his pocket and walks to the kitchen. Steve is still sitting on the couch, with the ice on his face. His pocket pings saying there's a new message.

 _Becca_ : Thanks, Buck

 _Becca_ : Wait, what did you do

 _Bucky_ : Nothing. Just thought I should apologize

 _Becca_ : thks? But what brought it up

 _Bucky_ : Nothing just being nice

_Incoming Call from Becca_

“Hey Becs,” Bucky says answering the phone, with a glance over at Steve. Steve looks back blankly from his spot on the couch. His ice pack resting between his hands again. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him and gestured for him to put back on his face. Steve does so with an eye roll.

“What did you do?” Becca demanded.

“Why do you think I did anything?”

“You almost never apologize for getting into fights, so what happened?”

“Geeze Becca, nothing. Can’t I just be nice,” He gripes, ignoring Steve’s gaze.

“No. You’re never nice,” She retorted. Bucky let out a startled laugh.

“Wow, Becca. Rude.” He tells her.

“Well,” he could imagine her shrugging. “Come on Buck, spill. What’s up?” Before he could say anything, she adds with alarm, “You’re not dying are you? This isn’t one of those _please absolve me of all my wrong doing_ things is it? Are you dying in an alley somewhere? You are aren't you. Bucky-”

“Rebecca! Give me a moment to talk. I’m not dying in a random alley somewhere, what’s wrong with you?” Bucky demands. He hears a chuckle and looks over to glare at Steve, who looks back unashamedly.

“That kind of thing is all over the internet,” She defends, “and like I said you’ve never apologized for this before.” Bucky sighs and rubs his face.

“Alright fine, sorry. It's still overly dramatic.” she huffs a little.

“Seriously Bucky. What brought this on?”

“Friend got in a fight today and got hurt fighting a couple guys.”

“I’m fine, Bucky.” Steve says from the couch.  
“Three guys, Steve! Three of them and one of you! You’re incredibly lucky it was only a black eye!”

“They were going to hurt her!” Steve says, moving the ice to glare at Bucky, “I had it, and better me than her anyway.”

“You didn't have to get hurt! I was right there, I could have helped you.”

“I can do it on my own,” Steve says, looking down, still glaring.

“You don't have to.” Bucky says.

“Bucky,”Becca says into his ear, reminding him he’s on the phone. He startles and Steve smirks at him. Bucky resists the urge to flip him off, and motions for him to move the ice pack back. He grumbles a little, but dutifully does so. “I thought you were apologizing for getting into fights, not admitting to wanting to be involved in another one.”

“I don't want to get into another fight,” He defends, turning his attention back to his phone, “But the idiot could have asked for help,” he heard Steve mumble something, but ignores it, “It was for a good reason,” he admits to her. She sighs.

“It always is, Buck. Just, be careful.” Bucky smiles a little.

“Always, Becca.”

“Now, there’s something else I want to know.”

“And what’s that?”

“Who’s Steve?”

“He’s, um, a friend of mine. Who's, staying with me. For a while,” Bucky hesitantly admits.

“I don’t know Steve, I thought I knew all your friends,” Becca says in confusion.

“He’s a new friend,” Bucky says.

“Hmm. How long has he been living with you?”

“A few weeks?”

“A few _weeks_? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn't like I was hiding it, it just sort of, happened.”

“Someone living with you doesn't just happen, Bucky. Neither does not telling me about it. For weeks.”

“Well, it did.”

“hmph. Well, is he hot? Are you dating? Because if it turns out he's your live in boyfriend, I'm going to be disappointed you didn’t tell me.”

“Becca, no,” he groans. “I’m not dating him. He was having a rough time and I'm helping him out.”

“So he is hot?”

“I didn't say that,” he replies just a little too fast. She laughs at him. So does Steve. Bucky glares at him again, and Steve smirks back.

“You should ask him out.”

“I’m not talking to you about this right now Becca.”

“Aww, Bucky! What about…”

“Nope,” he interrupts, “not doing it. Talk later Becca, love you bye.” And hangs up on her. Bucky groans. When he looks up, Steve is still looking at him, ice pack resting between his hands, looking faintly amused.

“This is your fault you know,” Bucky tells him, grabbing a couple apples and sitting next to him. Steve raises an eyebrow.

“If you didn't keep getting in fights, I wouldn't have felt guilty and apologize.”

Steve shakes his head a little.

“There there,” he says, placing his cold fingers on the back of Bucky's neck. Bucky squeals, and falls off the couch, trying to get away. Steve laughs at him and stands up. He tosses the ice pack at Bucky’s chest, wandering down the hallway, with Bucky cursing at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wish I could put my commentary in the actual chapter. That said, I don't really have anything to say right now, because I forgot it all. XD But I did do the obligitory steal lines from MCU cannon thing. I'll probably do it again at some point in this. 
> 
> I will try so hard to have another chapter up in two weeks! But it might be a little late. I unexpectedly started a new job (been unemployed for a while) and I have so many conflicting ideas for how I want the next chapter to go. But I'm so excited to get it done, it's going to be a good one. Hopefully. But I'm going to try and aim for April 12, or earlier if by some miracle I finish early. (Sorry, no promises).
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting and leaving kudos! It makes my day to know people like this! (And to those who celebrate, happy Easter weekend!)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of Cupcakes and Crushes. (Sort of.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I did it! It's a Christmas Miracle. :D

“Hey, Steve?” Bucky calls over to where Steve is standing in the kitchen. Steve turns to him eyebrows raised in question.

“What?” He says.

“A coworker was telling me about an exhibit in the Smithsonian. Looks like it’s starting in a couple weeks. Want to go?”

Steve shrugs.

“What's it about?”

“Superheros, apparently.”

A funny look crosses his face, but he looks like he's considering it. Eventually he shrugs again.

“Sure,” Steve finally says with an exhale. Bucky smiles at him and turns back to his laptop. 

“It looks like it's going to be interesting,” Bucky offers, scrolling through the site, “It’s going to have information on some old superheroes and the Avengers,” Bucky chuckles thinking of Clint and Natasha. He bets they aren't too thrilled.

Steve walks over with a glass of water, setting it on the floor by the couch before sitting across from Bucky. 

“Ok,” is all Steve has to offer. He's still frowning though.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, you know,” Bucky pointedly tells him. Steve rolls his eyes.

“I know, there’s just something about Superheros-” he cuts off and shakes his head. 

“You don’t have to go,” Bucky mumbles, feeling oddly disappointed.  

“I want to go,” Steve says, “It could be interesting. You never know what you might learn.”

Bucky smiles at him, before his phone pings.  He looks over at it to see a new message from Natasha.

_Nat_ : Checking in. We’re alive. Are you?

Bucky laughs a little, and replies.

_Bucky_ : Nope. :P Steve is still a gentleman and we haven’t seen the ex anywhere.

_Nat_ : Hmm

_Bucky_ : admit you were wrong about him

_Nat_ : I admit nothing, not until I’ve met him

_Bucky_ : When are you coming back? 

_Nat_ : For the press conference at the latest. We may have found something indicating a base near DC. We will need to check it out when we have a location.

_Nat_ : Don’t die

_Bucky_ : Srsly hunting a world wanted killr

_Nat_ : not wanted if he doesn’t exist. :p bye

Bucky shakes his head fondly and puts down his phone. Steve is looking at him with a complicated expression.

“What’s that look for?” Bucky asks.

“Who you talking to?” he asks. 

“Natasha,” he says, not quite a question.

“You text her everyday?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “She’s away and worried. So she checks in to make sure I’m ok.” Bucky intentionally leaves out it’s Steve and his ex that has her worried.

“Oh.”

Bucky frowns at him.

“Steve?” He asks. Steve just shakes his head, looking down.

“Steve, please, talk to me.”

“It’s nothing Buck. I’m just tired. I’m going to lay down.” He says standing. Bucky looks up at him, worried, but doesn’t try to stop him.

Bucky continues his nightly routine of doing mostly nothing. When he makes dinner, he knocks on Steve’’s door. When he gets no response, he softly calls that he’s opening the door. When he looks inside, Steve appears to be sleeping. Just in case, he softly tells him that dinner is done and he's welcome to come join Bucky in the kitchen. Bucky goes to bed that night without seeing Steve again.

The next morning Bucky wakes up early to make breakfast, figuring something better than cold cereal might be nice for Steve if he still wasn’t feeling great. Except when he got to the kitchen, Steve was at the stove making pancakes.

“Hey,” Bucky says, surprised. Steve gives him an uncertain smile.

“Hi,” Steve replies. He gestures to the coffee pot. “I, uh, I made you coffee. Wasn’t sure when you’d be up, so I didn’t actually fix it.” 

“Thanks,” he says. He goes to the cupboard and grabs a random mug, before fixing his coffee. Bucky sits in Steve’s usual seat to drink it.

“So, um,” Steve clears his throat, focusing on the batter in the pan, “sorry. About yesterday.”

“It’s fine. You want to tell me what happened?” Steve shakes his head, not looking at Bucky.  “Ok, but you know you can, right?”

Steve looks up and smiles a little, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Sure, Buck.”

Steve was a little withdraw over the next couple days. He would still talk to Bucky, but only if Bucky started the conversation, and even those didn’t last long. As far as Bucky could tell, he didn’t leave the apartment. Steve was home when he left for work, and was often in the same place when he got back from work, staring at nothing. After about three days of this, he perked up again, as if nothing had happened. It started with Steve meeting him near the parking lot when he was getting back from a shift. Bucky really realized Steve was doing better when later that night Bucky tripped over nothing and Steve laughed unabashedly at him. He thought about being indignant, but he was just relieved Steve was feeling better about whatever had been bothering him.

~/*\~

Bucky arrived home one day to find Steve sitting at the counter, writing.

At least, that’s what it looked like he might have been doing. Steve had looked up at the sound of the door opening, slamming the notebook closed and pushing it away from himself hard enough that it fell off the other side of the counter. Still standing in the doorway, Bucky looked between Steve and the notebook on the ground. Steve had that blank look on his face again.

“Hi Steve,” Bucky says, finally closing the door behind him. Steve is still watching him, sitting stiffly as Bucky walks to the counter and picks up the notebook which now has crumpled pages.

“Don’t-!” Steve says in alarm, standing and reaching out. He closes his outstretched hand and sits back down on the chair, shoulders slumped.

“I’m not going to look,” Bucky promises, putting the notebook in front of him again; closed and top up. Steve looks at Bucky as he slides the notebook closer to him and into his lap. Bucky just smiles back gently at him. Steve lets out the breath he was holding and relaxes, returning the smile slightly.

“Sorry,” he says, standing up, “how was the bakery?” 

Bucky shrugs, walking down the hallway. Steve follows.

“Not bad. I’m mostly certain Jared and Rachel are starting to date, although neither said anything. Pretty sure the local high school is getting ready for a dance because a bunch of kids came in and special ordered cookies and cupcakes.”

Steve looks confused.

“What’s that got to do with dancing?” 

“Dance asks, Steve. Or possibly replies. Make some stupid poster or something and give it to someone to ask them out.” Steve looks like he thinks that’s the stupidest thing he’s heard. “You must have seen it when you were in high school.”

Steve raises an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“Not really.” Is all he says. Now Bucky’s confused, because he’s pretty sure most schools did that kind of thing. Except maybe private schools. He shrugs, gesturing that he’s going to leave the room. Steve steps out of the doorway.

“Well, it’s a thing.” He tells him, going back down the hallway. 

He sits at the counter and grabs a notepad to make a shopping list. Steve enters a moment later without the notebook. 

“It doesn’t make sense,” Steve insists, “it seems more complicated than just asking someone.”

“It’s high school, Steve. Nothing about it makes sense.”

Steve grumbles something and sits on the floor behind Bucky, leaning against the back of the couch. 

“There’s chairs, you know.” Bucky says, not looking up.

“Yup.”

“You  _ could _ sit on one.”

“Nope.” Bucky hears a rustling sound, proof that Steve’s moving. When he looks behind him, Steve is sprawled out on the floor. 

“Comfortable?” He asks in amusement.

Steve hums, looking pleased with himself. Bucky shakes his head and turns back to his list. He taps it thoughtfully a couple times, no idea what to put on it. He hears Steve stand up again.

“What should we get?” Bucky asks him. 

“Whatever you want, Bucky.” Bucky scowls. 

“You have to eat too, ya’ know.” He looks up and sees Steve shiver.

“No, I-” Steve stops himself and clears his throat. “I know. Why don’t we just go and decide there.” 

“Alright.” Bucky says, standing. “You want to go now?” 

Steve shrugs, and Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Yeah,” Steve says, “let’s go.”

As per Bucky’s expectations, they sort of wander around the store aimlessly for a while before actually getting a cart and choosing food. Steve was actually helpful, making suggestions a couple of times. He made his random selection while they were getting milk.

“Coffee creamer?” Bucky says doubtfully, “You don’t even drink coffee.” The first few times Bucky had made coffee for Steve he had pushed the mug around before dumping it out (Bucky now assumed) while Bucky was gone. He had also dumped it into Bucky’s coffee while Bucky wasn’t paying attention, stuck it in the freezer with a sticker with Bucky’s name and a popsicle stick in it, taped a “drink me” note on it leaving it by Bucky’s bed (which he found  _ after _ work), and ignored it completely before Bucky realized he wasn’t going to drink it and stopped making it for him. Steve just shrugs.

“But you do. You also like it sweet, so.” He gestures again at the display. Bucky frowns.

“I thought the point was something we could both try.”

“I can find something to put it in.” Bucky narrows his eyes and Steve smiles back, eyebrows raised.

“Fine, we’ll try it.” 

They finish up with their shopping and are about to check out when Steve glances at Bucky thoughtfully for a moment, then looks away. Bucky, of course notices.

“What?” 

“Nothing.” He says.

Bucky looks at him suspiciously. Steve raises his eyebrows in challenge. THey load everything onto the conveyor belt and Bucky realizes he forgot something.

“I need to go grab a couple things, wait here.” Bucky tells Steve.

“Where are you going?” Steve calls after him.

“I forgot something!” Bucky calls over his shoulder. He runs into the baking aisle and grabs a couple cans of frosting before heading back. He hands them to the cashier and pulls out his wallet. But the machine beeps and the cashier hands them a receipt.

“Have a nice day,” they say. Bucky blinks at her in confusion, while Steve takes the receipt and thanks her, beginning to walk away. Bucky follows after him.

“Wait, what?”

“It’s time to go.” Steve says, looking straight ahead. 

“But I didn’t pay for anything.”

“I know.”

Bucky’s face scrunches as he thinks.

“Did you pay for it?”

Steve gives him a look that says ‘ _ who else, idiot.’ _

“I didn’t know you had a bank account.”

“Most adults  _ do, _ Buck. I had to figure out a way to access it though.”

“Oh.” Bucky says, thinking of the ex.

Steve glances at him. 

“And since you ran away, leaving me all by myself, I figured it would be a great time to pay you back.”

“You don’t need to pay me back, Steve.”

“Yes I do. You’ve already done more for me than you should have to.”

“I don’t have to help you. I want to.”

Steve looks like he wants to argue but doesn’t say anything more. Instead he says

“So, you’re saying I would have had to trick you into letting me buy groceries. If you hadn’t run away.”

Bucky laughs a little, letting the subject slide.

“Jokes on you, pal,” Bucky tells him, “If you wanted to pay for the groceries, I wouldn’t’ve stopped you. No tricks required.”

~/*\~

They get home and put everything away. Bucky decides he doesn’t actually want to make dinner, so they order a couple pizzas. While they wait, Bucky gets out ingredients for cupcakes.

“I thought you didn’t want to make anything?” Steve asks, sitting at the counter.

“I didn’t want to make  _ dinner _ ,” Bucky corrects, “Cupcakes aren’t dinner.” Since Steve is sitting there watching him, he narrates what he’s doing. Steve listens but doesn’t offer to help.

The doorbell rings as Bucky is starting to put the batter into the trays. He directs Steve to finish while he goes to the door and pays. He turns back to the kitchen to see Steve very carefully measuring out the batter and carefully putting it into  the cups. 

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, Steve, you won’t ruin it if it isn’t perfect.” Steve looks up at him. He considers for a moment before getting a giant spoonful and placing it in a cup. He does it again and puts it in the same cup. Then he gets a tiny spoonful and puts it in a cup by itself. The next he fills about halfway. He looks up with a smirk.

“Like that?” He asks innocently. Bucky stares at him for a moment before he puts down the pizza boxes. Bumping Steve out of the way, he take the spoons from him. Steve moves without protest. When Bucky takes some of the batter out of the full cup and goes to move it into the smaller cup, Steve stops him, knocking his hand out of the way.

“No, you’re ruining it!” he exclaims. The batter falls off the spoon and lands on the pan and Steve’s hand. Steve frowns at his hand while Bucky laughs at him. He looks at Bucky and wipes his hand across Bucky’s shirt. Bucky yelps and steps back, spilling more batter onto his feet. Now Steve laughs

“That’s what you get for laughing, you jerk.”

“You- what - Steve!” Bucky splutters as Steve continues to laugh. Bucky steps forward and grab another spoonful and throws it at Steve’s shirt. They go back and forth throwing batter at each other until the mixing bowl is empty. By the time they finish, the kitchen is a little bit of a mess, and so are they. Steve sits on the floor, grabbing a pizza box and starts to eat it, while Bucky looks around.

“There’s cupcake everywhere.” Steve shrugs and continues to eat his slice of pizza. Bucky pulls a face at him.

“You have chocolate on your hands still.”

“It’s not too bad.” Bucky wrinkles his nose. Steve finishes and stands. “But it’s not good either,” he admits, going to wash his hands. Bucky follows suit and they sit on the floor to eat their pizza. It wasn’t quite cold yet. 

Steve looks around the kitchen.

“I’ll start cleaning up if you want to shower,” he offers. Bucky looks around again an sighs. 

“Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” They stand up and Bucky puts the surviving cupcakes into the oven. He thanks Steve again, who waves him off, before going to get some clothes and taking a quick shower. 

When he goes into the kitchen, Steve has all the dishes stacked in the sink and is working his way through washing them.

Bucky stops and watches him for a moment, a weird fluttery feeling in his gut.

_ Uh-oh. _

Nope, he decides, he’s not doing this. Not now. Having a crush on a guy leaving an abusive relationship isn’t happening. He shakes his head a few times and steps forward. 

“Your turn,” he says, his voice doing something weird. He clears his throat and tries again, “You can take a shower, I’ll take over.”

Steve looks over and smiles at him.

“Thanks, Bucky.” He says, drying off his hands. He stands in front of Bucky and looks at him for a moment. Bucky squirms under his gaze, heart pounding.

“What?” he finally asks.

“Missed a spot,” Steve says, poking his nose, smearing batter on it. Bucky goes cross eyed and Steve laughs. He walks past Bucky to the bathroom, still laughing as Bucky yells at him.

“You’re a real jerk, you know that,” He calls as Steve closes the door.

Bucky grumbles and wipes at his face. He hears the shower start and resolutely starts working on the remaining dishes. The timer goes off a minute later and he pulls the cupcakes out and into the fridge to cool. Bucky turns on some music. When he finishes with the dishes, he turns to see Steve leaning against a wall, watching him. 

“How long were you standing there?” he asks. 

“Not long,” Steve says, straightening. Bucky raises an eyebrow at him but chooses to go see if the cupcakes are cool yet. Close enough, he decides, pulling them out of the fridge.

“We,” he tells Steve, getting out frosting bags and butter knives “are going to decorate cupcakes. It is not going to turn into another war.”

Steve smiles a little and shakes his head. He steps up to the counter and they start to decorate cupcakes.

There are only about seven, since the majority ended up all over them and the kitchen before they got baked, so it doesn’t take long. None of them are fancy, either. Bucky gets an idea and, smirking, grabs one of the plain frosted cupcakes and writes on it. 

“Steve,” he says holding out the cupcake to him. Steve looks up from where he was covering a cupcake in blue dots. He glances at Bucky, then at the cupcake. In yellow letters Bucky had written  _ Dance? _ Steve looks back at him, unimpressed, and Bucky resists the urge to giggle.

Steve reaches out and gently takes Bucky’s wrist in his hand. Bucky’s eyes go wide. He bends down a little, and positions his frosting bag over the cupcake. Bucky watches Steve’s face instead of looking at whatever it is he’s doing to the cupcake. After a moment, Steve straightens, looking pleased with himself turning back to putting dots on his own cupcake. Bucky blinks at him a moment too long, before looking down to see what he did. Written over the word  _ Dance? _ Steve had written in caps  _ NO. _

“Awww,  _ Stee-eve _ ,” he says, “Don’t you want to dance with me?”

“I don’t dance.”

“You could dance if you want to.”

“I don’t.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Yup.”

~/*\~

Another week goes by and the exhibit is due to open in three days. Bucky didn’t talk about it much, and was grateful he didn’t have too many shifts with Jared who would tell anyone who would listen that the exhibit was opening soon. Steve seemed a little apprehensive about going, but didn’t elaborate why. He still seemed interested in going, so they decided that to avoid the biggest part of the crowds, they would go a week after it opened.

Natasha hadn’t said anything to him in the last week. He had texted her and Clint, asking them to text him and let him know if they were still alive.

Steve noticed he was worried about his friends, and tried to tell him they were probably ok and would get in touch when they could. Bucky wanted to tell him that he couldn’t know that, that they were looking for someone who was possibly the most dangerous person on earth (he was feeling dramatic, ok?), but he wasn’t sure that was a good idea. He didn’t know how secret what they were doing was. So he had nodded and tried to smile.

Late that night his phone pings with new messages. He opens them and breathes a sigh of relief. 

_Clint_ : We’re alive and unhurt. We found some new information that we had to go through about Bases they kept him at.

_Nat_ : We’re coming back to DC tomorrow morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coffee creamer is good in milk. Or in milk heated up as flavored hot chocolate. I personally don't drink coffee, but will drink creamer so. I think Bucky's worried Steve is going to put it in something it doesn't go in. like in Bucky's breakfast cereal instead of milk.  
> So, I was originally going to have Clint and Natasha come back in this chapter and all the excitement they bring with them. But I wanted more happiness/ recovery first and then I also realized that after they come back I need A, B, and possibly C to happen first. Unless I rearrange my outline. Again.  
> So, that part is going to be fun. :) Thank you for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! I reread the comments to give me 'feel goods' to be inspired to write. it means a lot to me that ya'll keep reading. Thank you!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update is so late! Life got difficult.  
> If ya'll are looking for fluff after Infinity Wars, this ain’t it. I’m pretty sure this is mostly angst.  
> Reminders: 1) I don’t know anything about anything ever. 2) this is self beta’d, so all mistakes are completely mine. Maybe trigger warnings? Par norm (see reminder 1) let me know if I need to warn for anything.

The next morning, Bucky half expected Natasha, and probably Clint, to come over. Just to talk about whatever they were doing and to meet Steve (since Natasha wasn’t very happy he was living with Bucky). But they didn’t visit that day, or the next, and Bucky was worried something had happened to them before they arrived, since they hadn’t contacted him in any way whatsoever. Surely it would be on the news if a couple of Avengers died, right?

Steve was out of the apartment doing whatever it was that Steve decided to do that day when Bucky’s phone rang. He glanced at it, noticing the unknown number. He frowned at it, but answered.

“Hello,” He said cautiously.

“Bucky,” Natasha greeted warmly. Bucky released the tension he hadn’t realized he was holding and huffed a small laugh.

“Nat, good to hear from you.”

Natasha hummed.

“I’m afraid this isn’t a pleasantries call. I have a question for you.” Something clanked in the background and several voices were saying something indistinguishable.

“Ok?”

“Have there been power outages in your area recently?”

Bucky blinked in surprise. That was random.

“No, not recently.”

“When was the last one?”

“Umm, a few months ago I think? Maybe. Why?” The people in the background got louder, although he still couldn’t make out what they were saying. He heard a door open and close, and then nothing. “Natasha?”

“Don’t worry about it. Testing a theory.”

“Hypothesis!” someone yells in the background.

Bucky blinks a couple times, confused.

“What do power outages have to do with anything?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

“Come on, Nat,” He tries.

“Thank you for your help, but this isn’t something you need to worry about right now. We found something, and we are dealing with it.” Her tone was final.

“Are the power outages dangerous?” He asks, worried.

“No.”

“Oh,” he said, slumping back a little, “That’s ok then.” There was a beat of silence before he asked “are you coming to visit any time soon?”

“When we have a minute. I want to meet your new roommate.” She says innocently.

Bucky snorts.

“I’m sure you do.”

“It might be a few days,” she adds, slightly apologetic, “Clint and I need to get caught up on things and get the others caught up on what we’ve been doing. And other Avengers business.” Bucky smiles.

“Thanks for letting me know, Nat.”

She hummed again.

“Bye Bucky.” and hangs up.

Bucky moved the phone and looked at it for a minute, before sighing. Alive and investigating power outages. At least she had contacted him.

It’s another hour or so before Steve comes back. Bucky looks at him, trying see if there is any new damage.

“Hey Steve,” he greets. Steve barely glances at him not saying anything. Instead, he walks around the room, checking doorways and the bookshelves, and the underside of the tables.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asks, eyebrows drawing together. Steve still doesn’t say anything and does the same thing in the kitchen. When he leaves down the hall, Bucky stands and follows him.

“Steve? Are you looking for something?” Bucky follows him, room to room as Steve sweeps the apartment for...something. He’s a little surprised, and embarrassed, when Steve goes into Bucky’s room last.

Steve sighs when he doesn’t find whatever it is and leaves Bucky’s room in favor of returning to his. Bucky watches as he looks around hisroom again before sitting on his bed and puts his head in his hands.

Bucky leans against his door frame and looks at him in concern.

“Steve? Is everything alright?” Steve starts and looks up at Bucky. Bucky holds up his hands and Steve shakes his head and breaths out.

“Yeah, um, fine. Everything's fine.” he says, glancing around the room before turning his gaze on Bucky.

“What are you looking for? Maybe I could help?” Steve shakes his head.

“Not really looking for anything,” he admits, “I just, saw someone while I was out. I was worried that maybe..” he shrugs

“Maybe what?” Bucky asks gently.

Steve doesn’t say anything, just sets his jaw.

“That they had been here? Who was it?” Steve doesn’t answer. “Your ex?” Steve tilts his head a little, frowning, but nods.

“Something like that, yeah.”

“No one’s been here all day.” Bucky tries to reassure him, “just me.”

Steve doesn’t say anything for a minute. He eventually lets out a deep sigh and drags a hand over his face.

“Alright. I’m - I’m gonna take a nap.” Bucky nods.

“Alright. I’ll be here if you need me. Or if you want to talk about it.”

“Thank you, Bucky,” Steve says softly.

“Sleep well,” Bucky says, closing his door.

It’s about an hour later when Bucky hears Steve moving around inside his room. He ignores it until he hears something _thump_ as it hits the floor.

“Steve? Are you alright in there?” he asks, knocking on the door. Silence. He knocks again. “Steve? I’m coming in.” He steps in to see Steve half on the fire escape, duffle over his shoulder, looking vaguely guilty.

“Steve? Where are you going?” He asks, looking around the room, his hand still on the doorknob.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.”

Bucky huffs and crosses his arms.

“I’m getting tired of people telling me not to worry about things. Is this about earlier? Seeing that guy on the street?”

Steve doesn’t respond. But he doesn’t look Bucky in the eye either.

“He isn’t going to find you here. You’re safe.”

“It isn’t safe, not for you. When they find me… Bucky, it’s better for me to just go.”

 _They?_ Bucky thinks. He shakes his head, deciding to worry about it later.

“Steve you got away, you’re safe here. You don’t have to leave. No one’s going to find you here. It was probably just a  coincidence that you saw them today.”

Steve looks at him with a pained expression.

“What about you?” he asks, “When they come for me-”

“ _If_ they come for you. Which they won’t.” Bucky says. Steve rolls his eyes.

“ _If_ they come for me, which they _will_ , they’re looking for me, Buck, They won’t hesitate to hurt you to get to me. It’s better if I just go.”

“I know people who can help, besides, shouldn’t that be my choice?”

“You don’t understand, Bucky-”

“I know that they hurt you. That you’re scared of going back. That you don’t want to go back. But I’m not scared, Steve.”

“You should be.” he says quietly, looking down.

“Please stay.”

“You don’t know what you’d be getting into.” Steve says wearlily.

“Then tell me,” Bucky counters, “but don’t leave just because you’re scared.”

Steve looks up and narrows his eyes at him.

“If you really want to go, I won’t stop you. But please, Steve. Please stay.” Bucky says, stepping forward to offer Steve his hand. Steve looks between his hand and outside the window.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Positive.” Bucky responds firmly. Steve reaches out and takes Bucky’s hand, letting him pull him inside.

“Alright. Thank you, Steve.” Steve gives him a sad smile and drops his duffle back on the bed.

~/*\~

Steve is quiet for the rest of the night, lost in whatever is going through his head. Bucky tries to talk to him, or get him to watch a show with him, but nothing seems to help. When he eventually says goodnight to him, Bucky hopes that he doesn’t change his mind and leave in the middle of the night.

When Bucky gets up the next morning for his shift, he finds Steve string blankly at nothing, sitting on the couch and looking like he hasn’t slept. Bucky wonders if it’s from nightmares or from yesterday, but doesn’t ask. Instead he makes breakfast, making a cup of hot chocolate (something he discovered Steve would drink) and pressing it into Steve’s hands. Steve accepts it, but doesn’t even blink, still staring blankly. When the rest of the meal is done, he makes a plate and sets it in front of Steve on the coffee table, before taking his own plate and sitting on the chair nearby. Bucky is about halfway through his own plate before Steve blinks and notices the cup in his hands. He looks at the plate in front of him and then up at Bucky.

“Good morning,” Bucky says. Steve blinks at him and takes a sip instead of replying.

“Couldn’t sleep, huh. Want to talk about it?” Steve shakes his head minutely. “Ok. But you should eat. It might help you feel better.” Steve gives a small nod, and Bucky tries not to worry. He hasn’t been this non responsive in a while, seeing the ex must have really thrown him off guard.

“Steve, it’ll be ok. No one’s going to get you here.” Steve just absently gives another small nod.

Bucky finishes his breakfast in silence. After another reminder to Steve to eat his, Bucky stands and goes to do the dishes. He finishes quickly, despite all his glances over at Steve. Steve isn’t eating, but at least he’s sipping at his drink.

Bucky goes into his room and gets ready for work. Steve’s door is closed and he resists the urge to see if the duffle is still packed.

Glancing at the time, he curses. He’s going to be late.

He stops by the couch on his way to the door.

“If you need anything, you can call me,” he tells Steve. Steve doesn’t look up, but he nods again. “I’ll be back this afternoon. Maybe,” he hesitates, “maybe stay inside? Just in case.” he adds. Steve doesn’t react. Bucky bites his lip and rubs the back of his neck, resisting the urge to give Steve a hug until he feels better.

“I’m going to lock this, so no one can get in. Maybe, maybe it’ll help.” Steve does look up at him this time and his lips twitch in an almost smile.

“Alright, well, see you later then,” he finally says, going to the door, “And, maybe eat something?” Steve nods again and Bucky smiles at him.

“Bye, Steve.”

~/*\~

Steve watches as the door clicks shut. He hears Bucky turn the lock - locking the door like he promised he would - then steps as Bucky walks away to work.

He finally puts the cup down and goes to sweep the apartment again. He had swept the apartment for bugs daily, sometimes several times a day, back when he first arrived. Before he knew that Bucky was safe and not going to turn on him. He had grown complacent, lulled into a false sense of safety as nothing happened. As no one came for him. And he had allowed himself to stay with Bucky, a civilian who didn’t know what was going on, and put him in danger.

Reality had come screaming back when he saw the Widow at the base yesterday. He hadn’t gotten close enough to hear who she was talking to, or even what she was saying. But he had seen her and immediately knew that she was looking for him. He was willing to bet the rest of the Avengers were with her as well. Or was she with the Red Room still, a double agent? He had to leave. But he also had needed to make sure Bucky was going to be safe when he left too.

Steve finishes his first sweep of the apartment. He looks around, and decides he might have missed something and begins to walk it again.

He should have left yesterday. Maybe he should leave now. It would be so much safer for Bucky. Bucky shouldn’t have to deal with anything that might come. If the Widow was in the area, she must know that Steve was too. And if the Widow knew, there was a good chance that Hydra knew too.

Steve considered the fact that one of their neighbors was actually a Hydra spy - they were everywhere - but discarded the idea. Possible, yes, but they had no new neighbors move in recently, and he would have been reported much sooner than this.

The bedroom was the last place he looked. Again, he found no bugs or traps anywhere. They were safe for now. He’d have to check again soon.

His eyes slid to where he had left the duffle bag by the closet. He hadn’t unpacked it yet. He could take it and run, lead everyone who was hunting him away from Bucky. Away from the innocent people living here.

Or he could turn himself in directly to the Avengers. It was potentially safer than going back to Hydra. Maybe they would execute him for his crimes. He could finally be done. Finally stop fighting. Steve might not remember much, but he was sure that he had been fighting most of his life. He wondered if he had ever fought for a good cause, or if Hydra had been right and he had been theirs for his entire life.

But he remembered a woman. He thought she might be his mother. Although most memories with her her were of him lying down, chest tight as his heart pounded heavy in his ears, and everything hurt. So maybe she was just another one of his doctors.

Steve tried to shake the thoughts away. No, he was certain he had a life before Hydra. He remembered fragments of being a child, happy moments with the woman, and none of those had anything to do with them. He must have been someone, once. He wondered if he would ever remember it.

Refocusing on the bag in front of him, he again considered leaving. He reaches out and picks it up, holding it in his hands, weighing it as he considers.

It would be safer for everyone here, he reasons. Bucky would be safe. He had friends, and a job, and a sister. Bucky would be ok.

He’s halfway to throwing the bag over his shoulder when he stops and thinks about Bucky yesterday, asking him to stay. Making him breakfast that morning. Looking worried.

“Being worried is better than being dead,” he reasons out loud to himself. He takes a step towards the window and freezes as another thought enters his mind.

_What if Hydra finds out he was here? Bucky would not be safe then._

They would never believe that Bucky didn’t know who he was. That Bucky didn’t have any information on him or where he was going. Not until after they had ripped him apart.

He swallows hard, now torn as to what to do. On one hand, if Hydra - or the Avengers - don’t know where he is, then leaving now will be safer. But if they do know he is in this apartment, leaving will kill Bucky. Possibly their neighbors too. Better him captured than anyone else being hurt because of him.

Steve doesn’t know how long he stands there, deliberating. In the end, he decides it would be better to stay. If someone comes for him, he can fight back, protect Bucky. Or turn himself in, if that’s the only way to save him.

He ignores the thought in the back of his head that he’s just staying because he doesn’t want to leave.

~/*\~

Bucky has been a little worried about leaving Steve on his own. Partially because of whatever happened, but also because he’s worried Steve won’t be there when he gets back. He really wants Steve to stay.

He sighs as he goes into the kitchen. They had run out of cookies and he was sure they had made more that morning. Bucky is greeted by the sight of Maya and Jared looking at something on Jared’s phone.

“What are you looking at?” he asks walking over to peer over their shoulders. Maya glances up at him but Jared stays transfixed to his phone.

“Avenger’s press conference,” she tells him, “they’re opening the Captain America, Superhero exhibit today, and announced a new Avenger.”

“ _Shhh,_ ” Jared hisses at them. Bucy rolls his eyes and shares a smirk with Maya, but dutifully remains quiet to see what’s going on.

The Avengers are all standing behind a podium. Natasha standing next to Sam with Clint on either side and Dr. Banner next to Sam. Tony Stark is speaking at the podium.

“ _-tribute to the first Captain America. We firmly believe he would have approved of our decision to bring Samuel Wilson on as the new Captain.”_ Stark is saying, dressed in a red and gold suit, reminiscent of the Iron Man armor. Bucky thinks it looks ridiculous but the rest of the Avengers were in their uniforms (except Banner, who is just dressed nice), Sam was holding the shield. Bucky guessed that Stark probably shouldn’t wear the armor at a press conference and had made due.

 _“Is Captain America going to be the team leader?”_ One of the reporter calls out. Natasha steps forward.

_“The Avengers have never had an official leader, each of us taking charge as needed. We each bring different experiences and skills to our team. Captain Wilson, as part of this team, will share his experience and lead us as needed.”_

_“So he won’t be?”_ Natasha shares a look with Stark, who looks at Dr. Banner, who steps up.

_“Our main team leads are Black Widow and Iron Man. Captain America will be joining them as a team lead.”_

“Isn’t Wilson going to say anything?” Bucky asks.

“He already gave a speech about what an honor it is to be the Captain, how he is going to try to be what he believes Captain America should be.” Maya tells him. Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“And what’s that?” Maya shrugs as Jared hisses at them again. Bucky flicks him in the back of the head. Jared glares at him briefly before turning back to the phone.

_“Why have a new Avenger join now, why not after the Battle of New York? Why Captain America?”_

Bucky saw Clint whisper something in Natasha’s ear. He was pretty sure Nat roll her eyes at it.

 _“If you had been listening to the good Captains wonderful speech earlier,”_ Stark says, _“You would know that Captain America was chosen and chosen now in honor of finding the_ Valkyrie _fifty years ago. Howard found the remains of the ship, along with the Captain’s shield, today, fifty years ago. If you had -”_

 _“It has been a privilege to work with the Avengers over the last few weeks, and an honor to be chosen to work with them as Captain America,”_  Sam cuts in. _“I intend to help make the world a safer place.”_ Stark looks back at Natasha who shakes her head a little. Bucky wonders if anyone else noticed.

 _“What does the exhibit have to say? Both on Captain America, and the Avengers?”_ The bell above the door rings, signalling a customer. Bucky grabs the cookies he originally came in for and goes out to greet them.

“Tell me about it when it’s over!” he calls over his shoulder at Jared and Maya.

An hour later he’s regretting having asked. Jared, in his superhero excitement _will not shut up_.

“Jared,” Bucky says, interrupting the rant about how the new Captain’s suit doesn’t look exactly like the original suit, he has _wings_ and Captain America definitely didn’t fly, or have that much white on his suit. “If it makes you mad, why did you watch it?”

“It doesn’t make me mad!” Jared protests, “it’s just different. Captain America was in the army, not the airforce, and I think that’s a big difference.”

“Why?” Bucky asks wearily.

Jared shrugs.

“Different experiences?” he says.

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Bucky asks incredulously.

Jared looks a little sheepish.

“Nothing, I guess. It’s just, I’ve looked up to him my whole life. I have all his comics, ya’ know?” Bucky definitely doesn’t roll his eyes at that, “I’ve read the history books and, I just hope this guys can live up to the Captain’s legend.”

“You know that legends are often exaggerated, right?” Bucky asks.

“I guess.”

“If Captain America were still alive, he probably wouldn’t live up to your expectations either.”

Deflating a little, Jared says, “I guess not.”

“Never meet your heroes, kid. At least in this instance, you won’t have to worry about meeting him.”

Somehow, that perks him right up.

“I’m going to the museum tonight, though. They said that they were releasing never seen before information on _The Valkyrie_! Also, did you know, they never found his body and-”

“You know they teach that kind of stuff in high school, right? I know _some_ about Captain America. I didn’t drop out before learning about him.” That gets Jared to pause.

“You dropped out of high school?”

“No.” Bucky deadpans.

“Oh,” Jared says, taking a moment to think that over apparently. Then he turns back and says, “Did you know no one has ever been able to recreate the serum that made Steven Rogers Captain America? Closest was Dr. Banner, but he ended up turning into the Hulk instead. I think they said something about having some of that information at the museum too! And someone donated a bunch of stuff that belonged to Rogers before he joined the army. And there’s a lot of speculation about how he joined in the first place and surrounding his first mission. Do you think-”

Bucky groans and hits his head against the counter as Jared rambles on. He looks up a moment later to see Jared has stopped and is looking at him expectantly.

“What?” he asks, a little cautiously.

“I said, are you going to the museum?”

Bucky straightens and shrugs.

“Yeah, eventually. In a week or so, with my roommate.”

“You have a roommate?” Maya asks, coming in with a couple of trays, “You didn’t tell me that. Becca didn’t tell me that.”

Bucky shrugs again.

“It’s not important. He’s only been living with me for a few months.”

“ _Oh,_ ” Maya smirks, “is he a roommate, or a _roommate_.” she asks innuendo heavy in her voice. Bucky flushes.

“No. He’s just my roommate.”

“Not a live in boyfriend?” she pouts.

“Definitely not.”

She looks him over and he resists looking away.

“But you want him to be.” she says triumphantly.

Bucky glares at her and turns away.

“Ha! I knew it! I’m telling Becca!”

“Maya,” he groans, slumping back onto the counter “please don’t.” He counts himself lucky that Maya pauses in getting her phone.

“Does she know you have a roommate?”

“You think I would still be here if she didn’t?” She nods conceding the point.

“Fine. But you should ask him out.”

“He said he’s taking him to the Cap exhibit,” Jared pointed out helpfully.

Bucky scowls at both of them.

“Yeah, as _friends._ ”

“It could be a date.” Maya says.

Bucky shakes his head and goes into the kitchen, hoping to avoid them. He wasn’t sure if talking about his love life or listening to Jared was worse.

~/*\~

Steve is still home when Bucky got back. Bucky feels a little silly over how relieved he feels, especially due to the teasing he had endured from Maya.

“Hey, Steve,” he says smiling at him. Steve turns from his spot at the stove and gives him a smile.

“Hey Bucky,” he greets. “I’m making some stir fry, if you’re hungry.” Bucky stands there staring at him, and Steve starts to fidget a little. “What?” he asks, a little defensively.

“You, uh, shaved.” Steve rubs his face a little. It wasn’t that he really ever had a beard, but most of the time, he had some kind of shadow on his face. Bucky hasn’t seen him clean shaven in the time that they had lived together.

“Yeah.” Is all Steve has to say. “Go put your stuff down. If you’re hungry, come eat.” he adds turning back to the stove.

Bucky does as he’s told and puts his things away. When he goes back into the kitchen, Steve is dishing up a noodle and vegetable thing.

“When did you learn how to cook?” Bucky asks, sitting. Steve puts a plate in front of him.

“I found a recipe online,” he replies by way of a non answer. Bucky looks over at where his laptop sits, screen now dark, and frowns.

“I thought I had a password on that.”

“Do you?” Steve asks, taking a bite. Bucky narrows his gaze at Steve who keeps eating, not looking at him.

“Not that I mind you using my laptop,” Bucky says carefully, “but did you hack into it?”

“Not hacking if there’s no password,” Steve replies.

Bucky stands and pokes at the laptop. The screen pulls up asking for the password. Glancing at Steve, he types in what he thinks is the password and it opens to the recipe Steve was using.

“Must have left it unlocked,” he says.

“Must have,” Steve agrees.

Bucky huffs and sits back down to enjoy the food Steve had made. It was surprisingly good.

It seems Steve thinks so too, because he eats more than Bucky thinks he’s ever seen him eat before. Bucky smiles at him, but doesn’t mention it, not wanting him to feel self conscious.

After they both finish, Bucky volunteers to do the dishes, saying that since Steve had cooked, Bucky had to do the dishes. Steve said that he should do the dishes, since Bucky always cooked and usually did the dishes too.

Eventually Bucky won, and Steve watched, arms folded and frowning. Bucky ignores him in favor of washing. Not that there were many of them. It looked like it had only used a single pan so it didn’t take long for him to finish. He turns back to Steve who is still frowning at him.

“If doing the dishes means that much to you, you can always do dishes after dinner.” Bucky points out. Steve shakes his head.

“It’s not that, it’s just-” He stops himself and sighs, covering his face with both hands. Bucky takes a step closer.

“Okay to touch?” he asks softly. Steve doesn’t react, so very slowly, he lays a hand on Steve’s shoulder. When Steve relaxes a little, he rubs small circles. Steve doesn’t move his hands away from his face though.

“There’s things you need to know,” Steve says heavily, pressing his hands together in front of his face as if praying.

“Only if you want to tell me,” Bucky responds quietly.

Steve drops his hands and looks over at Bucky with such sad eyes, before looking away again.

“You need to know,” he mumbles. Bucky nods.

“Alright,” he agrees gently, “why don’t we move over to the couches,” he nods towards them, “at least it’ll be more comfortable.

Steve nods and steps away from Bucky.

“You,” Steve clears his throat, “You go ahead. I need to grab something.” He turns away and walks, head bowed, towards his room. Bucky watches him walk away before going back to the sink to get them both glasses of water. He sits down, placing the cups on the table to wait.

Before Steve comes back, though, someone knocks at the door. With a sigh, Bucky stands to send whoever it is away. He really hopes it isn’t Becca.

Steve has appeared at the opening of the hallway, eyes wide and looking defensive. Bucky tries to smile reassuringly at him.

“I’m going to see who it is and send them on their  way. Don’t worry.” Steve didn’t look very reassured, but takes a step closer, which Bucky assumes is a good thing.

Bucky opens the door a little to see Natasha on his doorstep, no longer in her Widow uniform. He tries to smile, opening the door just a little bit wider.

“Natasha, it’s good to see you, but now’s not really a good time.”

She raises her eyebrows at him, looking him up and down, before demanding “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, now just isn’t -” He stops as she forces the door open, pulling her gun out, making him to take a couple steps back or be hit by the door. Everything happens very quickly then. As the door bounces off the wall, Natasha looks around the apartment, noticing Steve. Something flies by Bucky’s ear, as a hand roughly grabs him from behind, throwing him to the floor. He hears the door snap shut and looks up to see Steve and Natasha. Steve has a knife pressed to her throat, glaring murderously, while Natasha has a fist, holding something, pressed against his stomach, the gun held in her other hand, pointed at the floor. Glancing at the door, there was a knife embedded in it.

“What the hell is going on?” Bucky croaked from his spot on the floor. They both ignore him, speaking in a foreign language.

Natasha speaks first, tone cool.

Whatever it was she said, Steve doesn’t like it, growling his reply in the same language, pressing on the knife briefly.

“Steve!” Bucky says in alarm, scrambling to his feet, wondering how and if he should intervene.

Natasha narrowed her eyes, but doesn’t otherwise outwardly react. When she replied it’s in a very an unaffected manner. As if she deals with this kind of thing all the time.

Steve replies in his same tone.

Natasha blinks once, slowly. She raises her gun, pointing it directly at Bucky.

“Natasha...” Bucky says shakily, holding his hands up. She doesn’t even glance at him.

She repeats a word Steve said, as if curious how he would respond.

Steve’s eyes dart between her face and Bucky. Steve swallows hard, steps back and drops the knife, kicking it towards Natasha.

Natasha nods and retrains the gun on Steve. Bucky still feels shaky, but again asks, “What the _hell_ is going on here?” his voice isn’t as strong as he’d like.

“Bucky, meet the Winter Soldier.” Natasha says.

Bucky’s legs give out from under him and he almost falls, except Steve, _the Winter Soldier_ , is there  to catch him, and guides him over to the couch. He sits him down and hands him one of the glasses of water. Bucky’s hands are still unsteady and he almost drops it. Again Steve helps him, and Bucky can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed.

He looks up to see Natasha standing near them, gun and knife put away now, arms crossed and head tilted as she examines them. Steve stands, and Bucky looks up at him as he does.

Bowing his head, Steve says one more phrase, devoid of any inflection.

“That’s not necessary, Soldier.” Natasha says unfolding her arms, looking a little more at ease. Steve nods stiffly. He watches Natasha for a moment but then takes a step back and sits on the floor near Bucky’s feet. Natasha walks around to sit in the armchair.

“Hey, sit up here?” Bucky says to Steve, voice cracking just a little. He resists reaching out to tug on his sleeve. Steve looks towards Bucky and searches his face. Whatever he finds, he slowly stands and sits on the other side of the couch. He clasps his hands and does his best to looks small, unthreatening.

“I’m sure you have questions,” Steve says, breaking the heavy silence. He glances at Bucky, then at Natasha, prompting Bucky to do the same. She nods once. Steve looks back down at his hands.

Bucky waits for Natasha to speak, assuming Steve was talking to her. She looks right back at him, and he realizes that she is waiting for him. Bucky swallows.

“You pointed a gun at me,” He says to Natasha.

“I did,” is all she has to say. Bucky scowls.

“Why.” he demands.

“Testing Winter’s sincerity.”

“Over what?”

She glances over at Steve, Winter apparently, before saying, “I came here to meet your roommate. Catch up with you, that kind of thing. You were acting fishy-”

“I was not!” He protests.

“You were,” She says firmly, “You were acting ill at ease and nervous. Now I assumed you were in danger. When Winter attacked, I reacted accordingly. We discussed something,” Bucky glares at her and she raises an eyebrow at him before continuing, “and I wanted to see just how far he would go. He protected you, and I wanted to see how far that would extend.” Bucky gapes at her in disbelief.

“You were going to _shoot me_ to test him?”

“You were never in any danger,” she says calmly, “I wouldn’t have shot you.”

Bucky isn’t very reassured. He leans forward covering his face, breathing hard.

A hand tentatively reached out to him and rubs circles on his back. He looks up to see Steve (Winter) looking back at him.

“Just breath, Buck,” he says quietly, “Deep breaths.” Bucky tries, and after a few minutes his breathing has evened out again.

“I guess, was this what you were going to tell me?” Bucky asked. Steve removes his hand, and nods.

“I was hoping to ease you into it, but I was going to tell you the truth,” he says, “I knew people were looking for me, and if they found me here,” he stops, looking down at his hands again, “you deserved to know. To have be informed on who you were keeping in your house.”

“I thought you were leaving an abusive relationship,” Bucky tells him. He gets a grimace in return. “You told me you had a boyfriend.”

“I never said that, Bucky. You assumed, and I let you. It was easier in the beginning, and by the time I trusted you to not be part of Hydra, I thought it would be better to not correct you. I, I didn’t want to leave.”

“You were trying plenty hard yesterday,” Bucky says bitterly.

“I realized I was putting you in danger. I never wanted you to be hurt.” He looks up at Bucky for a moment, meeting his gaze, but looks away again.

“You did tell me you had a boyfriend,” Bucky says after a moment. Steve looks up at him again, concern and confusion evident on his face. “Outside the bakery one day.”

“I’ve never been to the bakery before, Bucky. You know that.” Steve says, scrunching his eyebrows together and sitting up.

Bucky starts to feel angry. He waves a hand, dismissing what Steve said.

“Not since you were living with me. Before that. It was raining and I told you to come inside. You ran away while I was talking to you. Remember that?”

Steve flinches away from him.

“No,” He rasps. He clears his throat. “No Bucky, I don’t remember that.”

Bucky looks at him incredulously, but Steve doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t meet Bucky’s gaze, wearing a pained expression.

“He might not remember anything,” Natasha says. Steve flinches again and Bucky starts, having partially forgotten she was there. “Hydra takes his memory.” Bucky widens his eyes and opens his mouth to say something but can’t think of what to say. He glances at Steve who is looking at Natasha now. Natasha gives Bucky a calculating look. She nods once, deciding something, before she speaks again.

“Remember when I called you about the power outages earlier?” When Bucky nods, wondering where she’s going with this, she says “Those were caused by a couple things. One was a cryo-chamber, freezing him in a suspended animation, and the other was a mind wiping technology. Blocking any and all memories made, so they would have a blank slate to work with. They tried very hard not to let any memory come back.” Bucky feels sick at the thought, and glances at Steve who has closed his eyes. “So it’s entirely possible, very likely actually, that he doesn't actually remember meeting you.”

“I didn’t. I don’t,” Steve says lowly, “My first memory of you is you taking me here from the alley. I’m so sorry, Bucky.”

“If you didn’t know who I was, why did you go with me?”

“Because I thought you were Hydra,” Steve admits, and Bucky reels back. “They were trying to get me back. I had gotten into… a fight with some of them. I got hit. Bullet was covered in some kind of slow acting sedative. Not enough to take me down, whichever group must not have known enough about me, but enough to slow me. When you showed up, you were familiar. The only familiar thing I’ve ever known is Hydra. I wasn’t really able to get away from you. I didn’t want to get away, which was scary enough. And then you were, you were _kind_ to me, Bucky. It didn’t take me long to realize you weren’t with them. And then I learned to trust you.”

Bucky remains silent for a moment, taking in the information.

“You should have told me. From the beginning, or at least when you realized I wasn’t who you thought I was.” he says quietly, still feeling hurt.

“I know. I _am_ sorry. I finally realized that today.” Steve says,leaning towards Bucky a little, “I was planning on telling you everything.”

“You said.”

They fall silent again. Natasha stands and gets a glass of water from the kitchen, refilling Bucky’s while she’s there. They all sip at their water.

“You’re the Winter Soldier, huh.” Bucky says, breaking the silence.

Steve grimances.

“Natasha was looking for you.” Steve give Nat a side glance.

“I assumed.”

“We had leads all throughout European continent and parts of the Asian as well. If you were here the whole time, how did you manage to blow up bases?”

Bucky’s looks at Steve in surprise as Steve replies, “I don’t know how you got the first lead, but the DC base is one of the bigger ones. I was able to get into other bases self destructs from there and set them.”

“You were on the camera footage in some of them,” Natasha points out. Steve gives a humourless smile.

“Edited the video feed. You would have expected me to duck cameras, so there didn’t need to be much. Just a glimpse. There’s plenty of footage of me in this base. A couple I just rearranged the dates.”

Natasha frowns, possibly thinking of whatever footage she had found in destructed bases.

“Weren’t there people in those bases?” Bucky asks.

“Some of them,” Steve says, unapologetically.

“Winter has been active for over fifty years, at least this time, he was taking out the bad guys.”

“Fifty…”Bucky looks over at Steve, at Winter, who looks down and shrugs. “And you’ve been killing people that entire time?”

Steve hesitates.

“Yes,” he finally says.

“Between training, cryo, and experiments,” Natasha reminds him.

Somehow, that was it for Bucky. He puts down his cup and stands, walking towards his room.

“Bucky,” Steve says in concern. Bucky shakes his head and keeps walking. He hears Steve stand up (or is that a fake name? He had forgotten to ask), but ignores it.

“Let him go, Winter. Give him some time.” He hears Winter (Steve?) start to say something back, but closes his door and ignores it.

Bucky falls onto his bed and stares up at his ceiling.

Assassins, brainwashing, lies, friends threatening to kill him, all of it swirling around in Bucky’s head, and he was exhausted. The beginnings of a headache were starting to show too.

Bucky turns over so he’s lying on his stomach instead and closes his eyes. He’s tired and he doesn’t want to deal with this anymore.

A short time later, he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE let me know what you think! The next chapter will possibly be short before they take a trip down memory lane, I mean to the museum. If there’s something that you want me to consider for Hydra or Captain reveal stuff, let me know. I do have most of it planned, but I do want to know what you think!  
> Also, a hello to people who have discovered this on The Stucky Library. :) I was kind of surpised to see my fic on there.  
> And a HUGE thank you for everyone who has commented or left kudos. Seriously, makes my day and helps me feel like my hard work ain't been in vain for nothin’. ;) (kudos to those who get that reference)  
> See ya'll in two weeks! (Hopefully!)


	13. Chapter 13

When Bucky wakes up, it’s dark outside. He curls up, not quite wanting to get up, despite the gross after nap feeling. He yawns and makes a face. With a sigh,  he opens his eyes again. There’s a light on, outside his closed door. Steve must be -

It all slams back into him, everything that had happened before he fell asleep, and he pulls his blankets over his head. One of his best friends was going to _shoot him_ to prove a point. What was wrong with her?

And Steve. Winter. Natasha kept calling him Winter. He had been lying to Bucky this whole time. Not only had Winter been lying about who he was, his name of all things, but about why he was running. Who he was running from.

Bucky vaguely wondered why he had never sent Nat a picture of Steve. This whole thing would have been resolved faster. Maybe then he wouldn’t have felt so betrayed.

 _But,_ a little voice in his head said, _He was finally going to tell you. He lied, but he was trying to make amends._

Bucky grumbled at the voice. _Stop being reasonable_ , He thought, _Steve - Winter still lied._

 _Not on purpose. Your whole relationship is based on your own assumptions. Would you have let him stay if you had known before? If he introduced himself as Winter who Natasha_ told _you was dangerous? Would you have fallen for him or tried to get to know him?_

_Shut up, voice._

Bucky uncovered his head to glare at the door. There were no sounds coming from outside. No movement, no voices.

 _I should have known._ Bucky sighed to himself.

_Winter acted abused. Maybe he was._

_He’s a spy. He can probably act._

_For months? You should talk to him._

_Shut UP, voice._

Bucky covered his head again. Maybe he could fall back asleep and forget anything ever happened. Wake up and find it was all a horrible dream. Winter would still be just Steve, a dorky guy Bucky accidentally had a crush on, and Natasha would come over and meet him and there would be no possible shootings or stabbings.

He kind of wondered what they had said in their little whatever it was. He decided he didn’t actually care. Natasha still threatened to kill him. Winter was still a liar.

Bucky couldn’t fall back asleep. Slightly irritated, he kicks until all the blankets are bunched up at the end of the bed. He huffs and moves to sit on the floor, back against the bed frame. Folding his arms, he glares at the strip of light showing from under the door frame.

Maybe he should go talk to Natasha and Winter. He still had questions. The image he had of The Winter Soldier was not the same as the person he had known over the last few months. Maybe he owed it to himself to hear what Winter had to say.

With a sigh, Bucky stands up and does his best to quietly open his door. No need to let them know he’s leaving his room just yet. He goes to the end of the hall and stands watching the two people in his apartment.

Natasha and Winter are both sitting on the couch. Not quite as far away from each other as possible, but not sitting close either. The only lights are the lamp in the corner and the tv, the sound turned almost all the way down. There are a couple of pizza boxes on the coffee table. Natasha is watching the tv, legs tucked underneath her, while Winter is staring forlornly in the general direction of the tv. The knife is no longer in the front door.

When Bucky steps forward, heading into the kitchen, he can feel both sets of eyes on him. He ignores them for a moment, grabbing a cup and pouring himself some water. He drinks it, still with his back to them, and debates just going back to his room. Squeezing his eyes shut, and putting the glass down by the sink, he dismisses that idea. He needs to talk to them.

Bucky takes a deep breath and turns to the living room. Natasha has gone back to looking at the tv; Winter is looking at the ground but glances up and catches Bucky’s eye, only to drop it quickly, looking down again.

Another breath, steeling himself, and Bucky goes to sit on the armchair. After he sits, Winter again glances up while Natasha turns to him.

“There’s pizza,” she offers quietly, waving a hand at it, “we thought you might be hungry when you woke up.” Because of course she knew he fell asleep.

Bucky scowls at her, but opens a box. It’ll put the conversation off a few more minutes anyway. There’s not much missing from the box. He opens the other one to see a single piece is missing.

“Did you guys eat?” He asks.

Natasha turns to look at Winter, raising an eyebrow. Winter attempts to make himself look even smaller. Bucky assumes this means that Natasha did, but Winter didn’t.

“You should eat something too,” Bucky tells him, pushing one of the boxes closer to him. Steve glances at the box, then Natasha, gaze settling on Bucky for a moment. Lowering his gaze, he just shakes his head. Natasha just rolls her eyes and gives Bucky a _what can you do_ kind of look.

Bucky decides he doesn’t want to eat anything right now either. He flips the box closed and leans back a little. Steve - _Winter_ , Bucky reminds himself - looks back up, brows furrowed.

Winter licks his lips once before saying, “You should eat something.”

“So should you,” Bucky points out. Winter shakes his head again.

“He thinks I poisoned it,” Natasha tells him.

“What?” Bucky asks startled. Glancing at Winter, he sees that Winter has looked up and is frowning at her.

“Hydra did that to him sometimes; gave him poisoned food.”

“If I thought it was poisoned, I wouldn’t let Bucky eat it,” Winter says, giving her a look, “I’m just not hungry.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow at him and hums, obviously not convinced.

“They poisoned your food?” Bucky asks incredulously. Winter side eyes him but returns his gaze downward. He shrugs.

“You thought he was abused,” Natasha reminds Bucky, and both the look at her, “You weren’t too far off the mark.”

“Natasha,” Winter warns.

She looks at him, as if telling him to contradict her. Winter sits back further, looking away from her.

“You didn’t ask to be made,” Natasha tells him gently, “You didn’t want to kill anyone.”

“And you did?” Winter mumbles. She shakes her head at him.

“We’re not talking about me.”

“How do you kill someone involuntarily?” Bucky asks. Steve flinches back, and Bucky immediately feels bad. Upset as he is with Winter, he didn’t want to hurt him.

Natasha places her feet on the ground and leans forward.

“Do you really want to know?” She asks softly, not unkindly. Bucky swallows hard, glancing at Winter; who has returned his gaze to his lap, face blank.

Bucky looks back at Natasha.

“Yes,” he says, voice tilting upwards a little, so it’s almost a question. Natasha nods and leans back. Gently, she kicks at Winter’s ankle, getting his attention. She raises her eyebrows, and he frowns at her. They look at each other for a moment, but Winter is again the one to look away first. He looks down, clasping his hands, elbows on knees. Natasha gives him a kind of sad smirk before turning her attention back to Bucky.

“I won’t do specifics,” Natasha starts, “You don’t need to know that. You don’t want to know that.

“First, they broke him. Isolation, torture, humiliation, making him lose hope, the normal kinds of things.” Bucky shudders at her matter-of-fact tone. He glances up at Winter, who is listening to Natasha, his face blank. “They did tests on his healing factor, pain tolerance, and capabilities. They discovered just how much faster and stronger he is than the average person.”

“You’re enhanced?” Bucky asks Winter, surprised.

His lips twitch as if he’s trying to smile, and nods.

“Surprised?” Winter asks drily.

“You just never seemed…” Bucky fades off.

“I wasn’t trying to hide it,” Winter says softly, actually looking at Bucky this time, “But it never came up.” Winter turns to Natasha, who nods once and continues.

“Once they knew what he could handle and what he was capable of they found ways of controlling him. Drug regimens, mind wiping - which we mentioned earlier - and punishments.”

Bucky opened his mouth to ask something, but Winter said something first.

“Order through pain.”

Bucky snapped his mouth shut.  

“Drugs don’t work well on him, he burns through them too quickly. They gave up on that. Wiping worked best, although they quickly learned that he would regain a sense of something wrong if they didn’t wipe him often enough. Punishments were deterrents to misbehaving, failing, and running away.”

“Not that that stopped me,” Winter added, ruefully.

Bucky looked at him, confused.

“I thought you wanted to get away.”

“I should have done it sooner.” Winter says darkly, looking away again.

“You tried,” Natasha reminds him. Winter scoffs and shakes his head.

Bucky clears his throat.

“I think, I think the first time I saw you, you were running.” Winter looks up from his clasped hands, eyebrows pressed together. “I was walking around a corner and we literally ran into each other. We both fell, you got up and started running again.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Winter tells him.

“You were running from something,” Bucky tells him, “I was pretty sure you were scared.”

Winter looks aways and shrugs.

“I don’t remember that.”

Bucky shrugs in return, and they fall silent for a minute. It’s Bucky who breaks it.

“Natasha said that they had to… break you. You didn’t work for them willingly.” Winter looks up at Bucky, sitting back. He shakes his head. “Do you remember how you got captured? How they got you there in the first place?”

Steve sighs, and closes his eyes, hands tightening into fists on his legs.

“Not, not really. My earliest memory, from Hydra, It’s,” Winter stops, and opens his eyes to look bleakly at Bucky, “I remember lying on a table, half frozen, and in pain, surrounded by people. But I woke up that way so many times, I don’t know if that’s the first time they woke me from Cryo or something else.”

“Oh.” Bucky says, looking down at his own hands. He looks up at Natasha. “Do you know how he got there?” He glances at Winter, who is sitting up straighter and looking at Natasha, eyes wide. She glances at Winter, but addresses Bucky.

“Some, enough to have a basic idea.”

“What happened?’ Winter asks anxiously.

Natasha looks at Winter with something like sympathy.

“Please, Natasha. I need to know.” Winter pleads.

Natasha shakes her head.

“I’m sorry, котенок, it will be better for you to start to remember it yourself.”

Winter growls in frustration, burying his head in his hands. Natasha gently places a hand on his shoulder, and whispers something in his ear. Whatever it is, it makes him slump a little, but doesn’t make him look up.

“I think that’s enough from me tonight,” she says, her hand still on Winter's shoulder, but looking up at Bucky. “I’ll leave you boys to it.” She pats Winter once, before standing. He doesn’t look up. Looking between Winter and Natasha, Bucky stands and walks her to the door.

“Are you going to the museum?” Natasha asks as she puts her shoes back on by the door. Bucky gives her a weird look.

“Probably.”

She smiles and nods.

“You should go. Sooner rather than later,” She spares another glance at Winter but looks back at Bucky before speaking again. “It could be informative.” With that, she slips out the door.

Bucky takes a deep breath, and leans against the door. He releases the breath before turning around to face Winter.

From his spot by the door, he can only see Winter’s back. Bucky approaches him, and hesitates a moment by the arm next to him before sitting down in his armchair again. Winter has his hands clasped, index fingers steepled and tapping against his mouth.

The silence was a little bit strained, so Bucky said the first thing that came to mind.

“I guess this is why you always said you had those guys. Whenever you came back from a fight.”

Winter smiles, briefly.

“Yeah.”

“Still think you should have let me help you.”

“I had ‘em on the ropes.”

“I know.”

Winter doesn’t say anything else, although he isn’t tapping any more. Bucky plucks at his jeans, not sure what else to say.

“I understand that you don’t want me here anymore,” Winter finally says. Bucky looks up in surprise. Winter isn’t looking at him, but is addressing his clasped hands instead. He sounds so defeated. He begins to stand. “It won’t take me long to be gone, I’m -”

“I never said that.” Bucky interrupts. Winter is standing now, and looks down at Bucky with something like pity. Bucky stands up, anger flaring. “I never said that. I never asked you to leave. If you want to leave, then do it, but don’t stand there and blame it on me.”

Winter holds his palms out in a placating manner.

“Bucky, you can’t tell me you aren’t scared of me now. I’m an assassin, a _murderer_. You would be much safer if I left. I’m not entirely stable. You have a pretty good idea of what I’m capable of.”

“I don’t _know anything_. You and Natasha aren’t giving me details, remember?”

“You don’t want to know them.” Winter insists.

“Doesn’t matter. I do know that you’ve been living here for months. You’ve been an assassin, a _murderer_ ” he adds, turning Winter’s words on him. Winter flinches a little, “this whole time. If you were dangerous, or unstable, or whatever it is you think, why am I still alive?”

“You were pretty mad when you found out I was lying to you,” Winter points out, eyes narrowing.

“I still am. But, according to Natasha, you _were_ abused. You were made to think things that weren’t true. And you were hurt. My initial assumptions were right. Just the details were off.”

Winter clenches his jaw and looks away.

“I’m still angry at you,” Bucky admits, “but I understand. I meant what I said yesterday. If you want to leave, then do it. But don’t blame me for it. Don’t make me your excuse.”

Winter’s shoulders slump a little, and he collapses back onto the couch. Bucky lowers himself back into the armchair.

“I’m still mad at you,” he says again softly, “you lied to me, and that hurts. And then there’s all this,” he says waving a hand, “Just give me a couple days.”

Winter nods a couple times.

“Do you want me to leave for a few days?” Winter asks. “To give you some time?”

Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Winter, if I wanted you to leave, I wouldn’t have told you to stay.” Bucky says drily. Winter recoils as if Bucky had hit him. “What’s wrong?” Bucky asks, instantly concerned.

“Don’t, don’t call me that,” is the reply in a hoarse voice.

“What?” He asks, a little confused.

“Winter, don’t call me that. _Please_ , Bucky.” the other man pleads.

“That’s what Natasha called you,” Bucky replies, confused.

“That was what they called me when she met me,” he explains, “I talked to her about it too.”

“Oh,” Bucky says wincing a little. He wasn’t trying to hurt him. “What do I call you then?”

The other man hunches his shoulders, looking very much like a kicked puppy.

“Steve,” he says softly, “my name is Steve.”

Bucky nods, and tries to choose his next words carefully.

“Is that something you remembered? From before Hydra?”

Steve looks up, eyes sad.

“Yes,” he finally says, “Yes it is.”

“How?” Bucky asks gently, curious. Steve gives a small smile.

“Someone, I think she’s my mother, calling me that.” Bucky smiles back.

“Tell me about her?” Bucky requests.

“I really don’t remember much, just pieces. And maybe speculations. But she was kind, and I cared about her. She was blonde. Whenever I got hurt, she would help take care of me.” Steve frowns a little. “I think it was pretty often.” he shrugs and looks down again.

“Thanks, Steve.”

They again fall into silence, but it’s much more comfortable this time.

“Natasha thinks we should go see the museum exhibit that opened this morning.” Bucky tells Steve. Steve looks up and raises an eyebrow at him. “You still want to go to that?”

Steve searches Bucky’s face, maybe looking to see how sincere he was.

“Yeah, sounds like fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My use of "Steve" before they resolved everything is not typos. In those moments, Bucky was seeing Steve, not Winter. Or he forgot that he thinks Steve's name is Winter.
> 
> Natasha telling Bucky about what happened to Steve _was_ done with Steve's consent. They had a... lovely... chat while Bucky was sleeping.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and comments! I really appreciate every single one!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not _quite_ late. sort of.

There was a sense of unease between them over the next few days. That night, Bucky had put the leftover pizza in the fridge and turned up the sound on the tv. He didn’t really pay attention to it, glancing over at Steve every now and again. Steve wasn’t paying it much attention either; and Bucky would catch him looking at him every now and again, only for Steve to quickly look away.

After awkwardly sitting through a few episodes, Bucky decided he had had enough and was going to try to go back to bed. He bid Steve goodnight, reminded him he should try and get some sleep, and left.

The next day, when Bucky got up, the TV was off, but Steve was asleep sitting up on the couch. Bucky stops in the hallway, frowning at him. He debates leaving him there, since he had to go, but grabs a blanket from his room to cover him before leaving.

When Bucky gets back, the blanket is folded on the edge of the couch, and Steve is standing, in the living room, looking out of place. Bucky ignores him, going straight to his room. He emerges an hour later and heats up the pizza for them. He gets out two plates, waving one at Steve, who is sitting now, watching Bucky. Steve stands and sits in the usual chair at the counter.

They eat in silence, and when they finish, Bucky puts the plates in the sink. He’ll do them later.

When Bucky goes to sit on the couch, Steve quietly says, “I can still leave.”

Bucky glares at him.

“Don't be stupid, Steve.”

Steve sort of smiles, nodding once. He hesitates a moment, before turning and disappearing into his own room for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, the next three days are much the same. Bucky and Steve don't really talk much, and barely spend time in the same rooms together. Steve doesn’t offer to leave again, but seems to be holding himself on edge, waiting for Bucky to change his mind.

On one hand, it meant that Steve was doing the dishes, making coffee for Bucky every morning, and generally trying to be as kind and considerate as possible, even if he didn’t stick around. But on the other, it wasn’t _Steve_. Not really. He didn’t talk about whatever he was reading (Bucky wondered if he was still reading) and the notebooks that Bucky had started to notice were nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t doing mildly annoying things, or leave the apartment as far as Bucky could tell. He didn’t offer his opinion on anything.  

It probably didn’t help that Natasha texted Bucky everyday for a status update. He wondered if she was texting to see if he was still alive. She did request to talk to Steve one day, and they had a conversation in whatever language it was they spoke, Bucky trying not to listen in while Steve stood talking in the kitchen while he was fidgeting with a 3D puzzle in the living room. He couldn’t get the pieces apart and he’s been working on it for a while. Not that he was trying very hard right now.

Steve finished the conversation with Natasha and handed Bucky back his phone with a strained smile. Bucky wordlessly took it, and Steve sat opposite him, quietly watching as Bucky returned to his puzzle. After a few minutes, Steve stood and went to his room. Bucky looked up and watched him go.

When Bucky goes to his room a while later, he hesitates by Steve’s door. He’s ready to be done with giving each other the silent treatment. He wants Steve to be his friend again. He's ready to move past the Winter Soldier thing.

Bucky decides he'll tell Steve tomorrow. He hasn’t been very fair to Steve the last few days, and the least he can do is not bother the guy if he's trying to sleep. As quietly as possible, Bucky slips into his own room.

~/*\~

Sometime in the middle of the night, Bucky wakes up with the urgent need to pee. He rolls out of bed and stumbles to the bathroom to relieve himself.

As he's about to re enter his room, he thinks he hears something from Steve’s room. Turning around, and stepping closer, he waits to see if he hears it again. Steve’s moving around, he can tell that much.

“Steve?” He calls, knocking softly on his door. He hears him whimper, for sure this time, and Bucky opens the door.

Steve is tangled in his sheets, squirming, trying to get out, letting out pained frightened noises.

“Hey, hey Steve, wake up, it's okay, you're okay,” Bucky says kneeling by Steve’’s side. Steve doesn't seem to hear, still fighting the sheets. “C’mon, Stevie. Whatever you're dreaming, it's not real. You’re not there.” He says, running his fingers through Steve's hair. Steve stills and sighs at the contact. Bucky keeps murmuring reassurances to him gently, waiting for him to wake up. Rolling to face him, Steve opens his eyes, confusion evident.

“Bucky?” He whispers, almost as if he couldn’t believe that he was seeing him.

“Hey, Stevie.” Bucky replies, giving him a tired smile, moving his hand to rest between them.

“Bucky…” He says again, closing his eyes, and curling in on himself, “Bucky, ‘m so sorry, please, not him too. I'm sorry, Bucky I'm so sorry.” He begins to shake again.

“C’mon Steve, stay with me, wake up, it's okay. No one’s hurting you, you're safe.” Bucky says, moving his hand back to Steve’s hair.

It takes longer this time for Steve to look up at him. When he does, Steve looks like he had forgotten Bucky was there.

“You awake now Stevie?” Bucky asks gently. Steve nods.

“I’m so _sorry_ Bucky.”  He says brokenly.

“It's ok, there's nothing wrong, we’re ok.” Steve shakes his head at that, struggling to sit up in his tangled sheets.

“I should have told you, you deserved to know, and now you hate me, and-”

“I don’t hate you,” Bucky says, cutting him off. Steve stops struggling giving him a tired look of disbelieving. “I don’t,” he says again, standing to help Steve untangle himself. “I was upset, but I forgive you. _I’m_ sorry. I haven't been very fair to you this week. You didn’t choose any of this, and I was taking out my hurt on you. I'm sorry, Steve.”

Steve closes his eyes again.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“Yeah I do.”

Steve gives a tired scoff, but doesn't say anything more, apparently too tired to argue.

Bucky sits down on the edge of the bed. Steve opens his eyes to look at him.

“You want to talk about it?” Bucky asks gently. Steve starts to shake his head but stops, looking unsure. “If you want to tell me, I'll listen.” Bucky offers gently.

Steve sits up, and hugs his sides, as if trying to keep himself from falling apart.

“I was, was drowning. It was dark and it was cold?” He glances up at Bucky, as if looking for permission to continue. Bucky nods, trying to be reassuring. “I was scared and alone, and then a door opened and I was being pulled out of cryo.” Steve makes a wounded noise and closes his eyes tight. Bucky scoots closer, and puts his arm around Steve. Steve leans into him a little. “Then you were there. They were going to put you into the chair, instead of me. Bucky, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” Bucky pulls Steve into his chest, wrapping both arms around him. Steve grabs onto Bucky’’s shirt, still apologizing over and over again.

“Shhh, it's ok. We're not there, we’re both safe. It was just a dream, Stevie, it's gonna be alright. You're here with me, in our apartment, it’s stupid o’clock, but we're both here and you're safe and away from them.”

Eventually, Steve stops apologizing, but Bucky doesn’t let him go yet. Steve hasn’t stopped gripping his shirt yet either. But when he does, he pulls away slightly, just far enough to look Bucky in the eye.

“Sorry I woke you.” He says, voice a little rough.

“You didn’t, I was awake anyway.” Bucky replies softly. Steve scoffs, but rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder. running his hand up and down Steve’s back, he adds “We should probably go back to sleep.”

Steve hums slightly, not moving. After a minute, Bucky reluctantly pulls away, making to leave the room. But Steve grabs onto his hand before he’s left the bed.

“Stay,” he insists. Then, he winces slightly, and lets go of Bucky's hand, looking down. “Sorry, you can go but, please. Please, will you...” He fades off and doesn't look back up. Bucky sits back down. Steve smiles at him in relief, moving over so Bucky can lay down next to him. Bucky does, facing Steve. He intends to only stay until Steve falls asleep, not wanting to overstay his welcome, despite _wanting_ to stay. But when Steve falls back asleep, and grabs his wrist, he tells himself he can stay a little longer.

~/*\~

When Bucky wakes up the next morning, he’s a little disoriented. He's not in his room. He looks around and realizes he's in Steve’s room, tucked into bed, but Steve isn’t anywhere to be found. He stumbles out of the room into the kitchen where there's coffee waiting for him next to a note.

_Out for a run. :) - Steve_

Bucky nods a couple of times and drinks his coffee. He has some time to kill, and decides that maybe today he can figure out the puzzle he's been working on. Walking around the couch he freezes when he sees it all the pieces laying on the table, pulled apart. He hadn’t done that last night, he was sure. Glancing down at his mug and then at the note on the counter, he realizes Steve must have done it. He curses at him, but smiles in spite of himself.

Everything was going to be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, obviously no museum visit in this chaper. Sorry. This was actually the introduction to that, but the whole thing has been kicking my butt. It's been harder to write than I thought. But I _really wanted_ to get something out on time, so here's me fixing what got screwed up last time? 
> 
> Big thank you for comments and kudos, really helps my motivation!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Museum, Part 1
> 
> (Just in time for Steve's Birthday! Happy 100th! :) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Things to know that Steve doesn't know:**  
>  At this point (As the chapter starts) Steve does not know his last name. Therefore Bucky doesn't know. Steve is aware he is very old, but not exactly how old. He isn't sure if he was a soldier Before or if he has always been with Hydra in some fashion as an adult. (He is almost certain at this point that he was a child, that he had a childhood separate from Hydra.) In my mind (be aware I'm not a soldier and have no real knowledge) fighting in a war (i.e. Shootings, stabbings, killings, blowing things/people up) is very similar to what he did as the Winter Soldier that it's hard to differentiate those memories from time as Captain America. War is ugly. He doesn’t know he was Captain America. But he knows he has been fighting and killing for a very long time. Again, it's why he has a hard time separating memories of the war and the Soldier.  
> His childhood memories are a little hazy. Remembered in a halfway sort of way. There, but not really clear. And definitely not all there. He has a vague sense of what people looked like. His description of his mother from earlier: Blond and kind, really is all he could remember about what she looked like. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter. (My excuses are in the end notes. :) )

When Steve gets back from his run and they make small talk as they make breakfast together. Bucky’’s glad that he had resolved the issue between them. Steve doesn’t bring up last night, though, so neither does Bucky, but the tension from the past few days is definitely gone.

“Did you know Captain America?” Bucky asks, out of the blue. They had finished breakfast and the dishes before moving to the living room. Steve startles and looks up at him.

“What?”

“Or collect his comics or something,” Bucky says waving a hand. “If you’ve been around for as long as Natasha says, you would have been a child during the war, and maybe you met him on his circuit or collected the  _ Captain America _ comics.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“I hated those comics.” He say emphatically, before blinking in surprise.

Bucky raises his eyebrows a little.

“You just remembered that, huh.” Steve nods, with a self deprecating laugh. “Do you remember why you hated those?” Bucky asks. Steve shakes his head a little.

“They weren’t very true to life,” He says. 

“They're comics, Steve. Of course not.” Bucky points out.

“No, I know that. But they just.” Steve stops and frowns. Bucky lets him try and gather his thoughts. Steve shakes his head. “I don't remember. I never liked them though.” Bucky shrugs.

“Ok. You don't have to like them.” Steve gives Bucky a strange look, before slowly smiling.

“You collected them as a kid, didn’t you.”

“What! No. I didn’t.” Bucky defends. 

“You did!” Steve laughs, leaning back. Bucky resists the urge to smile at Steve’’s laughter. He crosses his arms instead.

“I admit nothing. But so what if I did.”

Steve waves a hand at him, still grinning.

“Nothing. It's just cute to see you be defensive about it.” Bucky feels like his heart skipped a beat.  _ Cute? _ “Besides,” Steve continues, still smiling, “Just because I don't like something, doesn't automatically mean you couldn't. That's not how being friends works.” 

Bucky feels his heart drop. Friends. Of course. 

He gives Steve a hesitant smile, and shrugs again before changing the topic. 

“Well, speaking of, did you want to go see that exhibit tomorrow? I think I have the day off.”

Steve frowns a little, tilting his head. He mouths something, but shrugs.

“Sure, could be fun.”

“Yeah, should be.”

The silence they sit in isn’t quite comfortable. Steve is still frowning and looking over Bucky as if trying to figure something out. 

Bucky ignores it and looks around the room. The puzzle that he had been working on was still pulled apart on the coffee table. He leans forward and picks up one of the pieces and examines it. 

He holds it up and shakes it a little at Steve. 

“You did my puzzle.” He accuses.

“Yup,” Steve replies popping the ‘p’.

Bucky mock scowls.

“How?” He demands.

“It was easy,” Steve replies with a smirk, standing up and walking into the kitchen.

“Hey!” Bucky squawks, “You have to put it back together so  _ I  _ can take it apart.”

“ _ Or, _ ” Steve says grabbing a package of cookies off the fridge and returning to sit down, “You could put it back yourself. Then you would know how to take it apart.” 

When Bucky opens his mouth to argue the point, Steve takes the opportunity to put a cookie in his mouth, effectively silencing him. While Bucky sputters around a mouthful of cookie, Steve laughs at him, clutching his chest. 

Bucky starts laughing too, Steve’s making him want to join in.

~/*\~

Stepping inside the exhibit, the first thing they see is a navy blue wall with a replica of Captain America's Shield. Bucky steps forward to read the plaque underneath it. 

_ Replica of Captain America’s Shield. The original Shield is currently held by Samuel T. Wilson,  _ Captain America _. The original is made of Vibranium, the most rare metal on Earth. The Shield was created by inventor and weapons expert, Howard Stark, for the First Captain, Steven G. Rogers. It is iconic of the Captain, and defined his time as Captain America. _

Bucky scoffs. 

“ _ Defined his time as Captain America, _ ” he repeats, turning towards Steve, “If  _ that _ is the most important thing about- Steve?”

Steve is standing still in the entryway, looking at the replica with a slightly dazed expression. Bucky looks between Steve and the shield before stepping closer to the other man.

“It sure is something, isn’t it,” Bucky says softly, not quite questioningly. Steve continues to look at the replica, and Bucky does the same. It’s large, almost the size of a child's sled (which does not make Bucky wonder if Captain America ever used his in such a way.) Red and white bands circle the blue center with the star. It’s very shiny. As far as Bucky can tell, it looks exactly like the original one that he saw on TV with the new Captain America.

Steve takes a hesitant step forward, approaching the shield on the wall. He reaches out slightly as if he's going to touch it, before stopping himself and rubbing the back of his neck. 

Clearing his throat, Steve says, “Yeah, it's something alright.” Bucky looks at him strangely, but Steve refuses to meet his gaze.

“Do you… Want to look at the rest of the stuff here? We could just go home.” Bucky offers. He tries not to be disappointed. While curious about Captain America, he doesn't want to make Steve stay if he's uncomfortable.

Steve shakes his head.

Bucky’s shoulders slump a little but he nods.

“Alright, let’s head back then.”

Bucky turns and goes to leave, expecting Steve to be right behind him. He stops when a hand grabs his. He turns back in surprise. 

“That's not what I meant. I don't want to leave. I think this could be... informative.” 

Bucky gives Steve an unimpressed look. 

“You don't have to stay for my sake, Steve. I can always come a different time if I wanted to.”

“I  _ want  _ to stay Bucky,” Steve says, almost pleading, gripping his hand a little tighter, “Just, stay close by? Please?”

Bucky searches Steve’s face for a moment. Steve looks back steadily. Finally, Bucky nods, and squeezes Steve’s hand. 

“Alright,” he concedes, “But if you get bored, or need a break, or anything,” he punctuates with another squeeze to Steve’s hand, “you tell me right away.”

Steve gives Bucky a grateful smile and nods.

“Of course, Buck.”

“Alright. Shall we then?”

Steve gives him a smile and squeezes his hand one more time, but doesn’t let go. They walk around the corner to see what the Smithsonian has to say about Captain America, Steven Rogers. 

Around the corner was a large room. Glass cases holding things were around the room, a couple screen above those cases. Large pictures of drawings covered the wall. In the center of the room was a glass case holding a quilt and a couple other things. 

Looking at the quilt, Bucky follows Steve as he walks to the nearest display with a screen. 

Inside the case was a couple of sketchbooks, each opened to drawing of a room. Bucky examined the pictures, not really paying attention to what they were before looking at the monitor.

_ Press ‘Start’ _ it said. The background was of a drawing of an apartment building. Bucky reaches forward and taps the screen.

_ “The apartment that Captain Rogers grew up in was a small tenement building,” _ the Narrator says. Bucky looks over to see if Steve is watching. He had been examining the pictures, as if fascinated. Bucky glanced over in time to see Steve snap his head up to watch the video.  _ “He lived with his mother, Sarah Rogers, until the time of her death, leaving him there, alone. The Building itself was torn down soon after the Captain had been found. However, due to the many sketches Rogers did while living there, researchers give us an idea of how they lived.”  _ An animation of the apartment pulls up, starting at a door opening into a tiny kitchen living area moving through it, talking about the different parts. Bucky was bored by it quickly, and turned back to the actual drawings. Most of them were of what must be the bedroom in various states of lived in. Sometimes there was a woman in them, but most were did not. There was the livingroom/ kitchen with pans on the table. The video ended, and Steve was staring at the screen still.

“Steve?” Bucky questions. He doesn't react. Bucky frowns a little. “Steve, You alright?”

Steve clears his throat and tears his gaze away from the screen.

“Yeah. Yeah, fine. It's just. Familiar, is all.”

“You think you lived in a place like that?” Bucky asks. Steve shrugs, placing his free hand in his pocket and staring at the floor.

Bucky gives his hand a gentle tug. 

“C’mon, let's see what's next.” Steve swallows and nods. 

What’s next turns out to be information on Captain Rogers parents. There’s a wedding photo of the solemn looking couple standing in front of a church. Sarah Rogers in a nice dress, one hand holding a small bouquet the other through Joseph Rogers arm. The plaque next to it gives their wedding date, explaining they were both immigrants to America. It talks about Joseph’s deployment and untimely death, leaving Sarah alone to raise their as of yet unborn child. There’s another picture of a young Steven Rogers looking scowling at the camera, his mother behind him, with her hands on his shoulders.

“A lot of pictures were like this, I heard,” Bucky tells Steve, as he looks at the two photographs. “Everyone looking so serious. Or most everyone, I assume.” Bucky leans forward to see what the plaque next to the picture of Baby Captain America says. 

_ The only surviving photo of Young Steven Rogers. Estimated age: 5 _

As Bucky leans back, Steve mutters something. 

“What was that?” He says, turning to face Steve. Steve is still examining the photos intently, as if searching for something. 

“I don’t want to stand still,” Steve says, barely loud enough for Bucky to hear. Bucky tilts his head.

“We don’t have to,” he points out. “We could just wander and look, we don't  _ have _ to read everything.” Steve shakes his head slowly, but turns away from the pictures to look at the portraits of Sarah Rogers. 

Bucky, still holding Steve’s hand, follows.  

There are a lot of them, varying in details and likeness, obviously improving with time. The video that Steve reaches a shaky hand out to play tells them that she raised her son by herself, that she worked as a nurse before catching TB from her patients and dying in the fall the year the future Captain finished high school. 

When Bucky realizes that Steve is shaking and hyperventilating, he pulls him over to a bench, near a water fountain and makes him sit down. 

“Hey, it's alright, Steve, you’re alright. Just breath, deep breaths, come on Steve, you're ok,” he says, sitting next to him on the bench. He gently rubs Steve’s back, keeping a gentle stream of encouragement as Steve slowly becomes aware of his surroundings again and his breathing eventually evens out. When it has, Steve keeps his head buried in his hands, just taking deep breaths, while bucky falls silent, but keeps gently rubbing circles.

After a couple minutes, Bucky asks, “You alright?” Very softly. Steve jerks his head in a nod. “You sure? We can leave.” Steve shakes his head. Bucky looks at him a little worried, “Do you know what happened?” Steve shrugs and looks up. He’s a pale and looks a little sticken.

“I think, Bucky, I'm - ” His breathing starts to quicken again. 

“Hey, whatever it is, I'm sure it’s alright. You’re ok, Steve. You’re safe.” Steve gives a sharp humerlous laugh, burying his head again. Bucky frowns, but waits for Steve to calm down again.

He does, quicker this time.

“I'm fine. Let’s keep looking around,” Steve says, clapping his hands on his knees and standing. He falters a little at Bucky’s frown. 

“Steve, you just had a panic attack, are you sure it's a good idea to keep looking around?”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“I'm fine, Buck. I need to see this.”

Bucky continues to give him an unimpressed look, but stands. Steve turns to go back into the exhibit, and Bucky tells himself he isn't disappointed that Steve didn’t take his hand again. 

They walk over to a timeline of what must be Captain America’s school records. Bucky glances through them, finding out that he had graduated highschool and gone to an art college. He looks over the artwork, admiring the skill, but not really paying attention to the dates or timeline of any of it. 

There were drawings of still life and of models, all very well done in a variety of pencil and charcoal. There was a binder on the counter with copies of the inside of one of the sketchbooks (according to the note on the front). Steve was slowly looking through it, and Bucky decided that he was going to go look at the quilt in the glass case. 

When he's standing in front of it, he sees that there are also two sets of clothes. There's a paper attached to each one. A dress that belonged to Sarah Rogers and a set of mens clothes that said they belonged to the pre-serum Captain. The quilt is believed to have been handmade by Mrs. Rogers.They were found in the captains personal effects that he had left with a neighbor when he joined the army. Apparently a number of the sketchbooks were in the same chest as well. According to the same card, the pictures of the Captain and his parents were found in his personal effects from when he died.

After a few minutes, he goes back over to Steve, who is staring blankly at a picture of a storefront, people walking past, and signs in the window about specials, and an older man standing in front, arms crossed, but smiling. 

“Steve?” He says gently. Steve doesn't react, continuing to stare at the picture. Bucky places a hand on his back. “Steve,” he says again.

Steve blinks a few times, before closing his eyes and sighing. Bucky rubs circles into his back, concerned.

“I'm fine, Bucky. Really.”

“Of course you are,” Bucky says deadpan. Steve opens his eyes to look over at. Bucky.

“It’s just a lot,” Steve says, swallowing hard and looking back at the picture. 

Bucky blinks and suddenly realizes something.

“You’re remembering things, aren't you.” 

Steve turns to look at Bucky And Bucky drops his hand. He huffs and shakes his head.

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Want to tell me about it?” Bucky offers.

Steve opens his mouth a couple of times, before glancing around the room helplessly.

“I wouldn't even know where to start.” Steve finally says. Bucky nods a couple times.

“Why don't we keep walking,” he suggests, “You can think about it, or you can tell me things as you remember them.” Steve takes another deep breath.

“Alright. Yeah. We can do that.” He looks at Bucky for a moment, hesitating as if he wanted to say or do something, but turns on his heel towards the next part of the museum. Bucky quickly catches up to him and they walk into a section called  _ Creating Captain America _

Steve stops suddenly, and Bucky, who was walking behind him barely stops himself from running into him.

“Steve?” He questions, walking around the man to get a look at his face. Whatever's wrong, Steve isn’t giving it away. “Steve? What's wrong?” When Steve doesn’t answer he looks around the room to see what got Steve’s attention.

It was much like the last room, although the walls were navy instead. Pictures and screens were all around the room. But next to an arch, which said  _ Captain America _ were two life sized portraits. A small man, a picture obviously taken during basic training. The other was significantly taller and well muscled. They were clearly the same man. Someone Bucky has seen before.

“Bucky, I think I’m-”

“ _ Steve _ , you're  _ Captain America _ !”

~/*\~

“I, yeah. I-” Steve says lamely, not sure what else to say. He isn't really focusing on Bucky, instead he stares at the pictures of the two men on the wall.  The small one, and the larger one who looks exactly like him. He knows, somehow that he was both men. Even if he doesn’t understand how, exactly. 

“ _ Who the hell is Captain America anyway? _ ” He mutters to himself. He looks over at Bucky, who has his back to him looking in the room they just came from. 

Everything in that room had been familiar. The picture of the boy and his mother -  _ him _ and  _ his mother _ he realizes - had been familiar. he remembered taking the picture. Not wanting to stand still, preferring to go see if the other boys would let him play with them for once. That was before he realized they would never want anything to do with him. His mother had her hands on his shoulders to keep him still for the picture.

The pictures of the apartment, the drawings, all had seemed vaguely familiar, like he had seen them before, perhaps met some of the people, but he hadn’t thought that he had _made_ them. He had thought he had seen them somewhere since obviously this Steven G. Rogers was famous. Captain America was famous, but he didn't know who that was; why he was famous. How could _Steve_ , _The Winter Soldier_ , be Captain America? Someone people obviously looked up to and admired? He was the Winter Soldier. He had murdered so many people, caused so much destruction, There had to be some mistake - 

There's a hand on his arm. He looks at it and follows it to Bucky’s worried face. Oops, again?

“Hey, Hey, just breathe, you're alright. It’s okay, you're safe,” Bucky is murmuring, rubbing his arm. Steve closes his eyes, ignoring the voice in his head saying he had to keep watch, and slowed his breathing to match Bucky’s.

Steve opens his eyes and meets Bucky's.

“I'm fine, thanks.” He says. Bucky stops rubbing his arm, but leaves his hand there.

“Okay,’’ Bucky says, obviously humoring him. Steve gives him a weak glare. “Want to tell me what you're thinking?”

Steve doesn't say anything for a moment. Then he says,

“I can’t be Captain America. I'm the Winter Soldier. The Captain,” he says gesturing to the room behind them with the two men, “is someone that people look up to, obviously. They respect him.  _ You  _ were excited to come see this exhibit about him.I'm  _ The Winter Soldier _ . People fear me. They don’t, few people know I exist, and those who do would shoot me on sight.”

“Natasha didn’t.” Bucky points out.

“She was going to,” Steve mutters, “or shoot  _ you. _ ”

Bucky frowns at him.

“The  _ point _ , Steve,” Bucky says, and Steve shudders at his name, at the  _ Captain's _ name, “is that there are people who don't care what you’ve done. Who aren't afraid of you for it. You  _ were _ the Winter Soldier, but you were also Captain America. Right now, you're just Steve. Steve Rogers.” Steve shakes his head, taking a step away from Bucky. He aches when he sees the hurt flash across Bucky’s face, but crosses his arms anyway.

“I don't even know who that  _ is _ , Bucky. I don't think I can be anyone I was before.”

“If you think I want you to be Captain America, that's stupid, Steve.  _ I  _ don't even know who that is. Right now, to me? You're my best friend Steve. You don't like coffee, and you wake up way too early most days. You're kind and like pranks too much. You’re the guy who doesn’t hesitate to run into fights that you might not win. You were hurt, but you're healing and learning who you are. Captain America, The Winter Soldier. They don’t matter. It's just you now, Steve. Who ever you want to be.”

Steve swallows hard and makes an aborted step back towards Bucky. But, Bucky, bless him, seems to know what Steve wanted and steps forward to wrap his arms around him tightly. Steve returns the embrace, burying his nose in Bucky's neck. He shudders in Bucky's arms, but refuses to let the tears that started threatening while Bucky was talking fall. They stand there for a while before Bucky speaks again, softly.

“If you don't want to know who Captain America was, what he did during the war, any of it, you don’t have to. But he did a lot of good, and I think you might need to know that you did something good in your lifetime.” Steve nods, but doesn’t move. Neither does Bucky. Finally, Steve squeezes Bucky one more time and steps away. He rubs his eyes before asking, perhaps unnecessarily,

“You'll stay by me, right? The whole time?” Bucky gives him a soft smile. And reaches out to take his hand, squeezing it once. Steve’s heart jumps at the contact, filling him with warmth.

“Of course, Steve. To the end of the line.”

“There isn’t a line, Buck,” he points out, “We’re the only ones here.” Which, now that he thought about it was weird, but he was grateful for it. Bucky rolls his eyes, but smiles and squeezes his hand again.

“Series of rooms in a specific order to go through? That’s a line, Steve.”

“If you says so,” Steve says, making his tone overly doubtful. He hesitates before adding, “and after?” What if after going through, Bucky decides he's disappointed with this Steve? Or after, decides that Steve, who is the Winter Soldier, could never match up to who he had been, had been tainted too much to want around. Would Bucky want him around still?

Bucky seems to understand the question. He steps forward and wraps his free arm around Steve’s neck in a hug. 

“ _ Always, _ Stevie,” He breathes into his ear. He steps back again, with a smirk, still holding Steve's hand. “To the end of the line.”

“It's still not a line, Buck,” he says, trying to hide how his heart is pounding from his words.  _ Oh wait is this…? _

“It's the thought that counts, Punk.”

“Whatever, Jerk.”

Bucky grins at him. 

_ Oh crap. This is a crush. _ Steve realizes.  _ Great timing. _

He swallows, pushing the thoughts aside, glad that Bucky’s here with him.

“Come on, Buck,” he finally says, tugging a little at Bucky's hand, “let's see about Captain America.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Steve and Bucky know now! and Steve realizes he might like Bucky. :P  
> I intended the whole thing to be Bucky's POV, But Steve wanted to say stuff too and in the end I let him. 
> 
> **My Excuses:**  
>  So, for some reason, I thought that after the Summer started, I would have more time to do things. I was so so wrong. Things have been rough, and finding time to write has been difficult. That and Characters won't always cooperate. Thanks for sticking around! :)  
> I don't think I can keep to a schedule, I really want to, but it doesn't seem possible right now. I'll update when I can (hopefully always sooner than later, but we'll see. :/)  
> Big thank you for continued comments and Kudos!! Really means a lot to me. :)
> 
> Happy Birthday Steve!! XD


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Museum, Part 2/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how I always say that I don’t actually know anything? That still applies, BUT I actually did some research (read: watched CATFA and read wiki pages) into MCU canon this time. So I guess I know a little now. :) Enjoy!

Steve was Captain America. 

His roommate, the guy he had a crush on, was once  _ Captain America. _

Bucky meant everything he said to Steve. What Steve had been through, everything, it had made him different. He wasn't the Captain America from the war, that he had learned about in highschool (and wasn’t  _ that _ a weird thought). He definitely wasn’t the Winter Soldier either. Steve referring to himself as such was a little bit worrying, but they could deal with it later.

Bucky had been worried about crossing a line or giving himself away when he had pulled Steve in for a hug. When he had grabbed his hand. Made a stupid comment about lines. But Steve hadn't noticed, thank goodness, didn’t suspect that Bucky had a crush on him (was  _ falling in love with him _ ), and now they were going to learn more about who Steve used to be. 

It had been strange, looking back at the room before, seeing everything in it with a relation to Steve. He hadn't even known Steve could draw. He would have to see about getting him to start again. 

It was interesting, but weird, and he had turned to make a comment to that effect when he saw Steve was panicking over once being Captain America. He hopes that whatever they find out about who Steve used to be, it won't bother him the way being the Winter Soldier does, that it really will help him.

Bucky refocuses as they stop in front of a wall titled  _ Project Rebirth _ .

There's a picture of a man that Bucky recognizes as the doctor who made Captain America. 

_ Many details about Project Rebirth, such as the formula for the Super Soldier Serum were lost with Dr. Abraham Erskine’s death, the day Steven G. Rogers took the step to become Captain America. Certain details are still classified or lost due to time. _

The wall has more photos than text. There’s a picture of a line of people in a military training ground, Steve being the shortest there. Bucky smiles at it, realizing that’s his Steve. Next to it is another picture of Steve looking to the pictures right, obviously with him not paying attention to his photographer.

_ Rogers was one of twelve men to be selected for the training to see who would become Captain America. Over the course of a week, Rogers went through tests designed by the SSR, run by both Col. Phillips and Dr. Erskine. Rogers passed each one with flying colors, and was ultimately chosen for the program. _

Bucky looks up at Steve, who is examining the pictures of the actual procedure carefully. There’s one of him talking with Erskine, of him on a table surrounded by scientists, a couple of Howard Stark as he works at control panels and stands near the table Steve had been on. The last one is of Steve standing shirtless with Stark and a  nurse, holding presumably a shirt, standing next to him, obviously after the procedure. A dark haired woman standing to the side of the photo, her back turned. 

The information under the set of photos simply says that Howard Stark assisted Erskine with the successful creation of a super soldier. Although Erskine was killed soon after.

Looking down a little, into the glass case is a newspaper front with the title  _ Nazis in New York, Mystery Man Saves Child  _ with a Picture of Steve holding a car door with the words  _ Lucky Star Car Company  _ surrounding a star.

Bucky again looks up at Steve, only to see Steve looking at him with a funny expression.

Bucky raises his eyebrows in a silent question of  _ what? _

Steve ducks his head, and turns back to the pictures on the wall.

“I don't know what to say about any of this,” he tells Bucky, waving his free hand at the pictures.

“You don't have to say anything,” Bucky tells him, squeezing his hand. “If you want to tell me something about it, do. If not,” he shrugs, “don’t.” Steve nods, distractedly, as he reexamines the pictures.

Bucky bites his lip, not wanting to push Steve, but still curious about everything in the pictures. He'll listen to what Steve wants to say about it, if anything, and leave it at that.

Steve glances at him, before quickly looking away, cheeks a little pink.

“What?” Bucky asks.

Steve shakes his head once before saying.

“I think - you, uh-” He clears his throat, “There weren't any tests. Not, not really. It was basic training, most everything was physical. And I’m pretty sure I failed most of that.”

“Did they ever tell you why they chose you?” Bucky asks, before snapping his mouth shut. He forgot he wasn’t going to ask anything of Steve.

Steve frowns, looking at the picture of him and Erskine talking together. Pain flashes across his face so briefly, Bucky isn't sure he saw it. 

“I don’t remember,” Steve says, turning abruptly. Bucky stumbles after him as he walks to the next display. 

“Steve, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Bucky tries to apologize, still a little off balance. 

“It's not you,” Steve cuts him off. He stops and sighs. He wipes his face with his free hand before turning to face Bucky. “I- you can ask, I don't mind. But that,” he looks back at where they were, “I don't think I can think about that right now.”

Bucky wants to reach out, and touch his face, to make the pained look that's definitely there go away. His hand flutters a couple times in the aborted gesture, before he pats their joined hands and then grips them. Steve looks down at his hand between Bucky's before looking him in the eye.

“I'm still sorry,” Bucky says softly, leaving it at that. Steve gives him a sad smile. and squeezes Bucky's arm. He crosses the room to the next display, squeezing Bucky's hand as they walk to it. They ignore the arch for the moment.

The wall is a picture of Captain America surrounded by chorus girls, saluting the camera with a cheeky grin. Bucky snorts and tries to smother his urge to laugh. 

“You look ridiculous!” Bucky tells Steve when Steve asks what's wrong. The offended look he gets back makes him start laughing. 

Steve ignores Bucky’s laughter and looks at the picture. 

“You're not wrong,” Steve finally mutters, a smile tugging at his lips. Bucky covers his mouth, still giggling a little. “It's not that funny, Bucky.” Steve flicks Bucky’s ear, completely ignoring his squawk of indignance and reaches down to press ‘play’ on the screen under the picture.

_ “Before Captain America joined the troops on the front line, he felt it necessary to bring hope to those on the homefront,” _ the narrator said.

Steve splutters.

“That's not what happened at all!” He protests. 

_ “--Senator Brant, who organized the  _ Captain America _ USO tour to help sell war bonds and let them know how to support their troops.”  _ The Narrator continues.

“So what did happen?” Bucky asks, turning to face Steve. Steve keeps his eyes on the video, which is displaying the rout the tour took, and talking about the acts they did.

“They didn't want me in the army. He said he was promised an army, he didn't want me.”

“The Senator?” Bucky clarifies. Steve shakes his head. 

“The Colonel.” Bucky nods a few times before glancing down at the screen which was going through pictures of Steve posing with babies, children, and families.

“Then how did you end up in the USO, if it wasn't your idea.”

Steve stays quiet, and Bucky assumes he doesn't know. Posters of Captain America pointing like Uncle Sam pull up, as the narrator talks about different things the Captain promoted.

“He asked me if I wanted to help my country, on the most important front of the war. That’s, that’s what I wanted, so I agreed. I didn't know it would put me in tights. But at the time, it felt like the only real option.”

_ “ _ It wasn’t? The only option, I mean.” Bucky clarifies. Steve shakes his head.

“Lab rat or dancing monkey,” he says in a way that sounds like he's quoting something. “I was glad to be doing that because,” he fades and slumps a little, something a lot like despair crossing his face.

“Steve?” Bucky asks in alarm. Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“They would have locked me in a lab, to see just what I could or couldn't do. What I could withstand. Try and recreate Erskine’s formula. Turn me into an experiment,” he shudders, eyes still closed, “Guess that happened anyway.”

Bucky lets go of Steve’s hand, and Steve makes a small hurt noise, but Bucky quickly wraps Steve in his arms; one behind his back, one cupping his head, holding him close to offer some amount of comfort. Steve returns the embrace, arms tight around Bucky, as he shudders on every exhale.

“I’m so sorry, Steve.” Bucky whispers into Steve’s ear. 

With a shaky laugh, Steve mutters, “not your fault,” into Bucky’s shoulder.

“I know,” Bucky replies, stroking Steve’s head, “but I'm sorry you had to go through it.” Steve nods but doesn't reply. 

Steve is the one to pull away first. He scrubs at his face with both hands, and gives the presentation that’s still playing a last glance before walking away. Bucky follows, just a step behind. They stop again in front of the arch labeled  _ Captain America. _ The men Steve used to be look at them, the smaller with his head held high, determined. The larger, in his Captains uniform, almost looking down at them as he stands tall with a solemn expression.

Steve takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out as he looks at the two men. Bucky notices there’s a list beside each man, and a closer look shows that it’s health information. The one beside the Pre-Serum Steve is significantly longer. 

Bucky whistles.

“Everyone knows you were sick before all,” he gestures at Steve, “but no one actually talks about it.”

Steve just nods. Bucky looks over at him, but Steve is just looking at the two men, perhaps with a little disbelief. 

“What are you thinking?”

“It’s just,” Steve sort of squints at the pictures, “hard to believe I was ever them.” Bucky nods and looks at the pictures again.

“Did you ever wake up and forget you had changed? That you were bigger, and healthier, I mean.”

Steve tilts his head, considering the question. Finally he shrugs.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Do you ever still?”

Steve takes another deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Not so much.” he says a little ruefully.

Bucky wonders at the tone, freezing as remembers that Steve has had the last  _ seventy years _ to get used to being his current size and strength. 

“Steve-” he starts, apologetically. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve says cutting off his apology. Bucky frowns.

“But - ” Steve places his hand over Bucky's mouth, giving him a smile. Bucky resists the urge to lick his hand. But he feels himself turn a little pink at the thought.

“It's okay, Bucky. No harm done.” Bucky nods under Steve’s hand, meeting Steve’’s gaze. Steve removed his hand and turned away from Bucky, rubbing at his neck. He clears his throat before adding, “let's keep going.”

Bucky nods. He debates taking Steve's hand again, but finally does. Steve hadn’t complained last time, and Steve had started it anyway.

“It's going to be alright, Steve.” He says, smiling, squeezing his hand.

Steve’s face softens a little, and he squeezes back.

“Thanks, Buck.” He says softly.

They step through the archway into a much larger room. The floor has large glass murals of each of the Howling Commandos, at the far end of the room, a dummy display with all their uniforms. Doorways were around the edge of the room, and only one of them had an exit sign. The people missing from before were scattered around this room, but still not very many. Most of them were on the far side, looking like they were leaving soon.

To their left, was a picture of Steve surrounded by men, all of them looking pretty beat up, but cheering. A half smile on his face as he talked to someone. 

_ Captain America’s First Mission _ read the banner. 

Bucky is the one to step closer first, pulling at Steve’s arm. Steve follows willingly, but keeps looking around the room.

_ In early November 1943, the SSR discovered that there was much needed information in a base in Azzano.  The 107th infantry was sent in to retrieve it, only to be captured. Captain America, who had just finished the USO tour of four and a half months,  was sent as their backup. The Captain managed to rescue five hundred men and gain the intelligence needed.  _

“Ya know,” Bucky says to Steve, still looking over the picture of the men post-rescue, “I always thought it was strange that you were sent as back up after the 107th was captured. Did you arrive late or something…” He fades off as he notices Steve’’s incredulous look. “No?” Bucky guesses.

“They weren’t going to go after them,” Steve says, “They were going to let them all die there.” Bucky gives him a confused look.

“But what about the,” he waves a hand looking for the right word, “information, intelligence whatever? At the base.” Steve shrugged.

“I don't think they knew.”

“Oh.” Bucky turns back to the display and reevaluates it with that in mind. “So why did you go if you weren’t sent, or retrieving intelligence? Wait, you went AWOL?” Bucky realizes, not giving Steve a chance to reply.

“I couldn’t let over  _ five hundred _ men die, Bucky,” Steve says, “That's just the number that made it out. And they weren’t all from the 107th.” He stuffs his free hand in his pocket, hunching his shoulders.

“How did you hear about it?” Bucky asks. Steve stays quiet, looking at a spot on the floor. Bucky lets him take his time thinking about it.

As Bucky decides that either Steve didn't remember or wasn’t going to tell him, Steve whispered,

“Captain America’s tour got popular enough we were sent overseas. We did some in London, but we were also sent to entertain the troops. We went to a group that contained the survivors of the 107th. That was, it was my dad’s unit. The one I had hoped to be part of. If I had been with them, instead of dancing around a stage, would they not have been captured?”

“Steve,” Bucky says gently, but Steve doesn't stop there.

“And I thought, if I could save these men, it would be like saving my dad. It would be my opportunity to save him.” Steve shrugs again. “So I abandoned the tour and went after them. They deserved a chance to survive, to go home to their families.”

Bucky swallowed hard, because that, that he could understand. When his own dad had died, he would have done anything he could to have been able to save him, didn’t matter that he was only a kid. Same as it obviously didn't matter to Steve that he had never met his dad. That had probably made it worse.

“You saved them,” Bucky said, just as quiet,  “All those people, all those families, you saved them, Steve. That's five _hundred_ _families_ that you helped.” Steve shrugs again, and Bucky tightens his grip on Steve’’s hand until Steve looks up at him, eyes still so sad. “You're a good man, Steve. I think your dad would be proud.” Steve shudders, closing his eyes fo a moment, but doesn't respond. When he opens them again, he turns to the picture of him surrounded by the people he rescued, smiling as he talked.

“Let’s go look around some more,” Bucky says. Steve nods slowly and they turn away from the display.

~/*\~

_ The Howling Commandos were an elite strike team tasked with taking down the Nazi group known as Hydra. _

“Everyone kid wanted to be a Howling Commando, when we were in school,” Bucky says to Steve as they stand in front of a picture of the group. “It's a strange name, though,” Bucky continues, “Any idea how you got it?” Steve shakes his head as he continues to examine the picture.

Steve had been mostly silent since looking over the First Mission display. Bucky had taken it as a cue that Steve didn’t really want to talk, and had kept his own comments and questions mostly to himself as they looked at the different declassified missions and the short biographies of everyone who was on the team up to the point that Captain America died. Steve had said he was glad that Dum-Dum had kept the team operating even after Steve had gone. 

A peek into some of the rooms to the sides had shown interviews from the Commandos who had known Steve, or  _ Captain America _ as the exhibit kept saying. Almost as if after taking the Serum, Steve was no longer Steven Rogers, but just Captain America.

They were now standing in front of the mannequins wearing the different uniforms. All of them in much better condition than the photograph suggested they should be. But the display said they were the originals.

_ (Left to right) James “Jim” Morita, Jacques Dernier, Timothy “Dum-Dum” Dugan,  James Montgomery “Monty” Falsworth, Agent Margaret “Peggy” Carter, and Gabriel “Gabe” Jones. _

“I knew these men.”

Bucky looks up at Steve. Steve has sort of a far away look to him, like he's not actually seeing the display in front of them. Bucky has no idea if that's a good thing or a bad thing. 

“You did,” Bucky agrees. He hesitates half a moment before adding “Pretty sure the Agent wasn’t a man though.”

Steve turns just enough to give Bucky an unimpressed look, before looking at the uniforms instead.

“She wasn't an official part of our team. But she was around when the picture was taken, and the boys insisted that she be in it with them.” Steve said, tapping the frame, but still looking at the uniforms on display.

“Where were you?”

“Nearby. Being photographed as Captain America.” Steve shivers, and he starts to get the far away look again.

“Mind if I ask something?” Bucky asks,  deciding that maybe the faraway look isn't something good.

Steve’s eyes flick to him, and he gives him the barest hint of a smile.

“Shoot.”

“How did they get away with not wearing the Army uniform?” Bucky Says, gesturing to the uniforms of the Howling Commandos. “None of them look quite the same.”

Steve actually gives a little laugh.

“They argued with Phillips. Said that if I could run around in a flag, which was nowhere near what a uniform should look like, then why should they have to wear a proper uniform?

“Did you disagree?” 

“No,” Steve says, shaking his head and smiling fondly, “I completely agreed. Of course, that was before we were an official team. I thought they were going to be put in something similar to what I was wearing; something red, white and blue but in whatever design they chose. Especially since I got some input on the design of my suit. Instead they all got to wear whatever and I was stuck in a flag. They thought it was hilarious.” Steve chuckles a little at the returning memory. “We did end up having an insignia that everyone had to have. The wings,” Steve adds at Bucky's questioning look, pointing to the helmet on the Captain America uniform.

“Did you ever have to wear the regular one? Army approved, whatever?”

“We all had our dress blues, that we wore to events. But no, no one ever did.”

“Did Agent Carter have dress blues?”

Steve startles and looks at Bucky. 

“Yeah, every officer had them,” he says after a moment of looking at Bucky, sounding oddly disappointed. Steve looks away, letting go of Bucky's hand,, tucking his own hands into his pockets. “She would wear it to Military events, the Captain America interviews.” 

Bucky’s feeling confused, and a little hurt,  until he remembers that it had been rumored that Captain America and Peggy Carter had had a thing for each other. He was probably missing his girl.

“Steve, I--” he starts to apologize, even as his heart drops. There’s no way he could compete against the memory of Peggy Carter. And there’s no guarantee that Steve was anything but straight. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve says with a decisive shake of his head. His posture relaxes a little and he gives Bucky a sad smile. “She’s one heck of a woman, isn’t she?” Bucky nods, feeling at a loss. He hooks his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans.

“Did you want to watch any of the interviews?” Bucky asks gently, “[Peggy's](https://www.reddit.com/r/marvelstudios/comments/44mhwg/full_peggy_carter_smithsonian_interview_from/) maybe?” he offers, even as his heart drops farther. Steve gives Bucky an unhappy look, but shakes his head.

“Not right now.” He hesitates, before adding, “Unless you wanted to?” Bucky is shaking his head before Steve is finished talking.

“Nah, let's move on.”

Steve looks a little relieved and nods back. 

They walk into the next section, and Bucky freezes at the title of the banner.

_ The Death of a Hero _

“Steve…” He says, but doesn't know what to say next.

The wall  in front of them has a large screen on it. Around it, there’s a picture of Steve dressed in the Captain America uniform, without the helmet, looking off into the distance looking particularly heroic. As they step closer, he could tell it isn’t a photograph. There’s a picture of what the  _ Valkyrie _ must have looked like before it was crashed. Underneath the screen it read  _ Captain Steven Grant Rogers, 1918-1945. _

Bucky shivers, looking over at Steve to reassure himself that he's there. 

Steve reaches out to press  _ play _ on the screen. When Bucky grabs his arm to stop him, Steve turns to look at him.

“You don’t have to,” Bucky says gently. Steve gives him a half smile, and grips Bucky's wrist where he's holding onto Steve’s arm.

“Yeah, I do.” He says, soft but firm. He lets go of Bucky’s wrist and presses play.

_ During the final battle against the Red Skull, Captain America boarded  _ the Valkyrie _ as Johann Schmidt attempted to escape. Once on board, the Captain discovered Atomic Bombs that could be piloted to their final destination. _

A picture of the frozen over cargo bay displays.

_ “We discovered that once the planes were turned on, the bomb was armed,”  _ the man on screen says. The banner says Howard Stark, Weapons Expert.  _ “Examining one of these planes, we found that once the seat was ejected from the plane, the bomb would go off within minutes. _

Pictures of scientists and a younger Howard Stark examining the bombs pass. Then pictures of what must be the cockpit. It has the most damage done to it, both from what Bucky assumes was from what ever showdown steve was involved in and from nature.

_ The team would also discover that the navigation system was completely broken. The auto pilot had a charred hole through the center of it, consistent with known Hydra weapons. It is assumed that this had happened during the final battle between Captain America and Schmidt. _

A close up of the Captain America shield, still frozen in the ice.

_ “Obviously, when we found the remains of the  _ Valkyrie _ we had hoped to bring Captain Rogers home. But, uh, all we found was his shield.”  _

_ As the plane hadn’t seemed disturbed, and there was no trace of the Captain’s remains, the crew quickly ruled out the possibility of animals taking the body.  _

_ “Our best guess is that after crashing, Captain Rogers attempted to escape the plane. We expect that he tried to swim to the nearest dry land or thought he could pilot one of the bombs-” _

_ Agent Carter was the last person to talk to Captain America before he died. She has never told anyone the Captain’s last words. _

_ Howard Stark was the lead on the search for Captain America.The SSR, renamed SHIELD, spent almost twenty years looking for the Captain before finding the Valkyrie and the Captain’s shield. No one truly knows the Captain’s fate, but it is agreed that he died a hero. _

The slide show ends, and they both stare at it, without saying anything. 

Steve jerks his arm and Bucky realizes he's still holding onto it. After he lets go, he realizes Steve is shaking. Before Bucky can do anything about the realization, Steve falls.

“Steve!” Bucky cries in alarm, dropping down to in front him. 

Steve is on his knees, one hand pressed into the ground, the other over his chest as he tries to breath.  Bucky grabs onto Steve’s arm, and cups Steve's face. Steve doesn’t stop shaking.

“Hey, hey bud, it's ok, whatever you're thinking, you're here with me, you're safe, Steve. Can you take a deep breath for me?” Steve shakes his head, still struggling and still shaking. At least he’s responding. “That’s ok,” Bucky moves his hand off Steve's face to take the hand pressed to Steve’s chest and move it to his own. “Here, try and follow me, ok? Try and breath like me.” Bucky starts exaggerating his own breathing. As Steve begins to follow, he murmurs encouragement. When they are breathing at the same rate, Steve finally speaks.

“ ‘s cold, Buck.” He says, squeezing his eyes shut and making a fist in Bucky's shirt. Bucky grips his fist and moves his other hand off Steve's arm and moves it onto his face. Steve leans into it.

“I know,” Bucky murmurs, “but you aren’t there anymore. You're in the museum with me. Remember?”

Steve huffs in an approximation of a laugh but nods once. Slowly he stops shaking and opens his eyes. He looks up at Bucky and reaches forward to Bucky’s face, but stops, just before he touches, dropping his hand into his lap.

“What do you need right now Steve?”

Steve bows his head again.

“Can we go home?” He asks, his voice breaking on the last word.

“Yeah. Yeah, Stevie. Let's go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to Agent Carter’s canon, The name Howling Commandos wasn’t a thing until after Steve ‘’died’’. It was invented by one of the new members that Dum Dum recruited to the team. So, Steve would never have known that name. They were technically part of the 107th, and were referred to as the 107th’s elite task force. But one of my favorite head canons for the name is [this.](http://buckykingofmemes.tumblr.com/post/157088836001/how-many-cookies-would-it-take-to-bribe-you-into) At least, I think it’s funny.
> 
> So, the only thing I have planned for Steve’s life is how Hydra got him. If there's anything that you think I missed or have questions about, let me know! I‘m also getting ready to for Bucky to give his life story, go a little deeper than the little bit he told Nat, so if there’s anything you want to know about Bucky’s life.. Let me know. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading! for being patient, for comments and kudos!! XD really means a lot to me! Hopefully, (as always, life permitting) I will see ya'll soon! :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just as a very brief recap: The last chapter was finishing the Captain America reveal. They said they were going to go home. :)  
> Trigger Warning. Winter Soldier stuff... Nothing too detailed, but ya know, mentions.

Steve was silent the entire ride home. He had leaned heavily on Bucky all the way to the car. After asking if they could go home, he hadn’t said a word, despite Bucky’s efforts.

When they got back into the apartment, Steve went straight into his room, closing the door behind him. Bucky looked at his closed door in concern, but decided to let him have his space. He rubbed his eyes with his hand, deciding that he would make some tea. Tea could be calming, and something warm to drink was probably a good idea. He tiredly watched the pot as he waited for it to boil, resolutely not going to check on Steve just yet. They hadn’t even been home very long.

The water did eventually boil and he filled two mugs with the hot water and a couple tea bags. After waiting for them to cool a little, he took one down the hall with him to knock on Steve’s partially open door.

“Steve?” He called quietly. There was no answer. Softly, he opened the door and peeked inside. He opened the door wider and stepped inside with a fond smile. 

Steve was laying face down on his bed, asleep.  He had removed his jacket but not his shoes

If Bucky was tired from their trip, he was certain that Steve must have been exhausted.

As quietly as he could, he set down the mug on the nightstand. He hesitated very briefly, considering the likelihood of Steve waking up, and removed his shoes before getting a blanket to cover him with. Walking around him he got a look at his face. Steve had a troubled frown on his face, and seeing it on him while he was sleeping made Bucky's heart ache. 

He reached out and gently tried to smooth away the furrow between Steve’s eyebrows, then running his hand through his hair. At Bucky's touch, Steve sighed, and a tiny bit of the tension he was holding left. Bucky smiled again, and continued to run his fingers through Steve’s hair, marveling at how soft it was. 

After resisting the urge to kiss Steve’s forehead, Bucky leaves, closing the door behind him. Grabbing his own mug, he kicked off his shoes by the coffee table and waited for Steve to wake up and come out.

~/*\~

Bucky starts to wake up to someone taking the mug out of his hands. He mumbles a  _ thanks _ to his sister, before settling down to fall asleep again. When a deep voice chuckles and large hands are placed on his arms, Bucky startles awake. He shoves at the intruder, trying to get away, but gets tangled in something and then trips on his shoes. He lands with an  _ oof. _

Someone starts laughing even as they say “Bucky, are you alright?”

_ It’s Steve _ his mind finally supplies. Bucky groans and lets his head fall back to the floor. 

“Yeah, fine. You can stop laughing now,” he adds into the floor. Steve, of course, laughs harder, but comes over to help him get out of the blanket that he had been placing on Bucky.

“Shouldn’t’ve left your shoes on the floor,” Steve admonishes, still smiling. 

“I didn't think I was going to fall asleep,” Bucky points out.

Steve shrugs.

“Still.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and swipes his mug off the coffee table where Steve had put it. Thankfully, he had finished it before he fell asleep. 

Stepping into the kitchen, he notices Steve’s empty mug on the counter.

“Thanks for the tea,” Steve says softly. Bucky nods.

“Welcome.” He glances at the clock, and his eyebrows jump up in surprise. “It's a lot later than I thought it was.”

“Yeah, we slept for a while.”

Bucky nods. He picks up Steve’s mug and asks “Want more tea?” When Steve shakes his head, Bucky places both mugs in the sink. Bucky turns around and leans back on the counter. Steve is staring at the countertop absently drawing patterns on it with his finger.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Steve doesn't look up, but his finger stills.

“About what?”

“Any of it, all of it,” Bucky says waving a hand.

Steve sticks his hands in his pockets, and hunches his shoulders. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Steve,” Bucky says, stepping forward and reaching out. Steve takes his hands out of his pockets and takes a step back. Bucky stops. “There's something bothering you,” he says softly, “please, Steve. Please talk to me.”

Steve growls, sounding frustrated, but as he turns around, he loses his fight, swaying and catching himself on the counter.

“Steve!” Bucky says in alarm, reaching out again. Steve sinks into one of the chairs next to him, and puts his head in his hands. Bucky doesn't step any closer, mindful of Steve having stepped back; remembering he doesn’t like contact. 

Finally, Steve lets out a deep breath.

“He said I was a good man.” 

“What?” 

“The doctor. It’s why he chose me for the serum. To become the first super soldier. Not because I was the perfect soldier,” he says with an ironic laugh. When Steve doesn't continue, Bucky steps closer and kneels down in front of him. Close enough that he can reach out if he wants. “Not because I was the perfect soldier,” he says again, “but because he thought I was a good man.”

“You  _ are _ , Steve.” Bucky says gently, stopping himself from reaching out. 

Steve shakes his head, not looking up, denying what Bucky was saying.

“No. Captain America was a good man. Steven Rogers was a good man. I'm not. Not any more. Not after what I did.”

Bucky has to remind himself to be gently as he grabs Steve’s arm away from his face, tugging on it gently until Steve turns a mournful gaze on him.

“You are a good man Steve. You  _ are,”  _ he says again as Steve shakes his head. “Whatever you did as the Winter Soldier, that wasn’t you. You didn’t want to do those things, You've said as much. It doesn't matter. You are a good person.”

“ _ I'm a good person, _ ” Steve scoffs, taking his arm from Bucky and standing, “You just spent the better part of a  _ week _ ignoring me because I'm the Winter Soldier!”

Bucky stands as well.

“That wasn’t why I was ignoring you!” Steve gives him a hard look and Bucky runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “It wasn’t because you  _ used to be _ the Winter Soldier. I was angry because you lied, because you weren't who I - because you didn’t fit the story I had for you. Also because Natasha almost shot me. It was all a lot to wrap my head around. I just needed a little time and space. I wasn't ignoring you because of Winter.”

Steve clenches his jaw, and opens his mouth to argue more, but Bucky cuts him off before he gets a chance to say anything.

“And the fact that I was ignoring you doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good person. I was mad, yeah, but it never meant that I thought you were bad. You, you help strangers at the store, you argue over who gets to pay for the groceries, you start fights with jerks on the street for being rude. If you were such a bad person, you wouldn’t do any of those things.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I killed a lot of people, that I hurt a lot more.” Steve says stubbornly. 

“No,” Bucky agrees, even as Steve flinches, “but it does mean you are a good man. If you could have, would you have stopped yourself from hurting people? Or did you do it because you like killing people?”

“I never wanted to kill anyone” Steve says horrified, putting his hands up as if to protect himself from Bucky’s words. Telegraphing his movements, Bucky takes one of Steve’s hands and steps closer to cup his face. Steve doesn’t move away, but can’t quite look Bucky in the eye. 

“If you didn’t want to, then it wasn't your fault. I was never mad at you for killing people, Steve. Horrified, sure,” he adds quickly, because Steve had gotten a stormy look in his eyes, getting ready to argue, “but not because of what you did, but what was done to you. Like I said. I just needed to wrap my head around it all.” He moves his thumb across Steve’s cheek bone, and Steve seems to lose his fight. Steve closes his eyes.

“I don’t agree with you,” he says quietly, “but I don’t want to argue about this right now.” Opening his eyes, he tilts his head into Bucky's hand. He sighs, and his gaze softens, his free hand lifting to Bucky’s face so he stands mirror of Bucky. 

Steve’s eyes flick down slightly, and he bites his lip.

“Bucky,” he starts to say, hesitant.

“Yeah?” Bucky says back, just as softly. 

Whatever Steve was about to say was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Steve jumps back, away from Bucky, staring at the door, a knife held defensively in his hand.

Bucky sighs.

“Where did you even get a knife  _ from _ ?” Bucky asks, stepping around Steve to get to the door.  He’s stopped by a hand on his arm. He looks up at Steve. “Steve, I need to answer the door.” As if to punctuate, there’s another round of knocking. Steve lets go, face blank, and follows, just a step behind as Bucky opens the door.

There’s a kid holding a bunch of pizza boxes, arm raised to knock again.

“Finally,” the kid says just as Bucky says

“You have the wrong apartment.”

“No I don’t.” The kid replies.

Bucky narrows his eyes at the kid.

“We didn’t order anything,” Bucky says, looking behind him in askance at Steve, who has disappeared his knife. When Steve shakes his head, Bucky turn back to the kid who is now holding a receipt out to Bucky.

“It has your apartment number on the receipt,” The kid insists, giving it a little shake. Bucky takes it and looks at the address. It does have his apartments address and number on it. It also says Clint Barton.

“Yeah, that's us,” Bucky says with a sigh, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yay,” the kid deadpans, “here take these for a moment?”  The kid says, placing the pizzas in Bucky's arms. He then takes an electronic thing from his pocket and hands it to Steve with a “sign this please.” Steve takes it and scribbles before handing it back.

“How much do we owe you?” Bucky asks.

“It’s already been paid for, but I wasn’t given a tip?” He adds hopefully. Bucky huffs and shakes his head, smiling a little. He looks over at Steve.

“My wallet’s in my back pocket, help me?” Bucky says, shaking the pizza boxes in his arms. Instead of taking the boxes like he was expecting, Steve reaches over and pulls Bucky’s wallet out of his pocket, making him jump a little. Bucky looks down, feeling his face gp warm, and misses Steve freezing as he steps forward. Bucky looks up again as Steve hands the kid some cash. The kid salutes them, walking away as Steve closes the door. Steve clears his throat and motions to the kitchen behind them, not looking Bucky in the eye. 

Bucky puts the boxes down on the counter and picks up his phone to send a message to Clint.

_ Bucky: yur pizza is at my house _

_ Clint: Aww pizza no. be there soon _

Blowing a raspberry, Bucky puts down his phone, and looks up expectantly at Steve, for him to say whatever it was before the knocked.

Steve is a little pink as he holds out Bucky’s wallet.

“Uh, sorry,” he says sheepishly.

Bucky takes his wallet and slips it into his pocket.

“For?” Bucky prompts.

“Um, taking your wallet?” Steve says, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck. Bucky feels his own cheeks warm a little again, as he thinks about Steve’s hand in his back pocket.

“It’s uh, that's alright.” Bucky takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “So, Steve,” he starts. Steve looks a little stricken and hurries to say,

“Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, it was really inappropriate. It won't happen again.”

Bucky frowns in confusion.

“What?”

“I know I made you uncomfortable, and I really should have thought, but I didn’t. I won’t do it again, just…” He tapers off, just looking helplessly at Bucky.

“Steve, what are you talking about?”

“Your, your wallet,” Steve says, “I shouldn’t have taken it out of your pocket, I should have helped you with the pizzas instead. I'm sorry I made you so uncomfortable.”

“Steve, you’re  _ fine _ ” Bucky says, blushing again. “I’m not, uh” he clears his throat, “bothered by that. I just wanted to know what you wanted to tell me earlier.”

“Oh, uhm,” Steve hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck, “never mind.” He turns around and steps over to the sink. “It doesn’t matter.” He turns on the sink and starts washing the mugs.

“Ok,” Bucky says slowly, “Is there anything you do want to talk about?”  Steve remains silent. When he finishes with both mugs he starts washes them again.

Bucky sits down in Steve’s abandoned chair, not sure what else to say, or even what to do. 

When Steve finished washing the mugs again, he asks, quietly, “is your friend coming over?”

Bucky sits up straighter.

“Yeah, he should be here soon.” 

Steve nods, placing the cups into the drying rack. Not looking at Bucky, he dries his hands and sets the dish towel down.

“I’m, can I go into m- the guest room until he gets here?”

“Steve,” Bucky says, disappointed he was even asking. Steve hangs his head.

“Sorry, I don’t have to-”

“Steve,” Bucky interrupts. “You don’t have to  _ ask _ me. It’s  _ your room _ . Not the guest room. Yours.”

Steve glances over at Bucky.

“I wasn’t sure you'd want me here after today.”

“You mean with the wallet.” Bucky says drily. Steve shrugs.

“Part of it. Just, everything today.”

“I don't care that you were Captain America. I'm sorry you ever had to be the Winter Soldier. But I don’t care.”

“You should,” Steve says tiredly.

“I don’t.”

“Ok.” He blinks slowly and sighs. “I’m -”

The front door opens and Clint walks in. He makes a beeline to the counter, hops up onto it, opens a pizza box, takes a piece out and fits about half of it into his mouth. 

“Hello Clint,” Bucky deadpans.

‘’’Ey u-ee” Clint replies with his mouth full.

“You know, Clint,” Natasha says from behind Bucky. Bucky startles, almost falling out of his chair. “It’s polite to knock on people’s door and be invited in before eating their food.”

Clint swallows. “Technically, it's mine.  _ You _ just sent it to the wrong house.” He takes another large bite.

“I told you we were going out. It's not my fault you didn’t believe me.”

“Hmph.” Is the reply. 

“You should also be slightly more aware of your surroundings when you enter a building,” Natasha continues, leaning her crossed arms on the back of Bucky’s chair.

“It’s just Bucky and…” Clint looks around, freezing when he spots Steve, still standing by the sink.

“Bucky,” Clint stage whispers, leaning towards him but looking at Steve, “Why is the Winter Soldier in your house?”

Steve’s face goes completely blank, and Bucky sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Clint, this is my roommate,  _ Steve _ .” He says, stressing Steve’s name. “I told you a little about him while you were traveling around.

Clint nods slowly, still munching on his pizza.

“I thought that guy was escaping an abusive relationship.”

“He is.” Bucky points out.

“Yeah, but” Clint says, not elaborating.

“Escaping brainwashing, Clint. Close enough to the truth.” Natasha adds.

Clint stills. “Oh.”

“Yeah,  _ oh _ .” Natasha says, rolling her eyes. “We talked about this.”

Clint puts down his pizza and jumps off the counter and walks over to Steve. Steve takes a step back, looking wary. 

Wiping his hands on his shorts, Clint sticks out his hand to Steve. “I'm Clint, nice to meet you,” he says. Steve looks at Clint’s outstretched hand before looking at Bucky and crossing his arms.

“You didn’t tell me you knew half the Avengers,” he says accusingly.

“I don’t know half the Avengers!” Bucky protests, “Just Clint and Nat.  And I didn’t even know they were Avengers until just before I met you.”

“Uh, you do know half the Avengers, Buck,” Clint says, dropping his hand and turning around to face Bucky. Steve relaxes a little. “You met Sam in June.”

Bucky blinks. 

“Oh,” He says, “right. I guess I do know half the Avengers.”

Steve huffs in an approximation of a laugh, rolling his eyes. Bucky smiles a little. He turns around to face Natasha. 

“Alright, why are you guys here?”

“Can't we just stop by to visit and have a nice dinner?”  She says sweetly, looking down at him.

“Is that what this is?” He asks.

“Not quite,” she admits.

“Sooo, what's up?” Bucky prompts. 

Natasha straightens. 

“Maybe we should eat first,” she suggests. “Makes it easier if anyone needs to throw up later.” Bucky frowns, glancing over at Steve, who still has his arms crossed, face unreadable again, and is leaning against the sink. Clint is back to sitting on the counter. He looks back at Natasha, and stands himself.

“Bad news then?” He asks, furrowing his brow.

“Depends on how you look at it.” She says, glancing at Steve.

Steve sags, head bowing slightly, a bleak look in his eyes. Natasha turns Clint. 

“C'mon,” she says, stepping around Bucky, grabbing the boxes, “let's set up in the living room.”  She gives Bucky a Look, before walking into the living room with Clint. Not that it was far away, but at least it gave the illusion of privacy. 

Bucky steps closer to Steve, placing a hand gently on his back.

“Do you want a moment? You wanted to wait in your room for a few minutes before,” he says softly, waving a hand at where Natasha and Clint are talking by the coffee table, settling on the sofa. “I'll go grab you some pizza, you can go into your room and come out when you're ready.”

Steve uncrosses his arms, scrubbing a hand down his face, watching Clint and Natasha interact. 

“I don’t know if I'll ever be ready,” Steve says to himself, almost too quiet for Bucky to hear him. He sighs, but doesn't take his eyes off their visitors. After a minute he glances between Bucky and the livingroom a couple times before nodding. 

“Yeah, that would be-” he stops and shakes his head. “Thanks, Buck.” He says, hanging his head a little. Bucky nods and Steve steps away, going down the hall to his room. Bucky lets his hand fall and turns around to grab a plate for Steve after he can't see him anymore. He goes into the living room, grabs some pizza and takes it to Steve.

When Bucky returns to the living room and sits on the couch opposite Natasha and Clint, he sees them looking at him funny.

“What?” He asks cautiously. 

“Dude, that guy does not like to be touched,” Clint tells him. 

“He's told me,” Bucky tells him, in tone that clearly says  _ and? _

_ “And _ ,” Clint says, waving a hand, “you’re just taking his hand, and patting him on the back, and touching him.” 

Bucky frowns at him.

“I wasn’t holding his hand,” Bucky protests, but starting to feel uneasy. Clint was right, Steve had on multiple occasions shied away from being touched. And Bucky has been holding his hand, patting his back, and hugging him all day. 

“You want to,” Clint prods. 

Bucky shakes his head once, sharply to dispel lingering thoughts, before giving Clint an unimpressed look. 

“What's that got to do with anything?”

“You didn't deny it!” He gloats, pumping a fist into the air.

Bucky slides down the couch to look up at the ceiling.

“Remind me why I'm friends with you again,” he asks the ceiling. He hears Natasha stifle a laugh, and a smile tugs at his own lips. 

“Because I buy you pizza,” Clint says, tossing a box at him. 

Bucky yelps as it hits him in the chest. He hears Steve’s door open, and before he's even properly sitting up, Steve is standing in front of him, hands clenching and unclenching as he watches Clint.

“Steve?” Bucky asks, hesitant. Clint remains where he is, calmly looking back at Steve. Steve doesn't react to Bucky.

“Steven,” Natasha says, followed by something in another language.

Steve does respond to that. His tone angry and biting. Natasha replies calmly. 

Bucky reaches out, but stops, worried about what Clint had said. His hand is still slightly outstretched when Steve turns around to look him over, his eyes cold. Bucky freezes and Steve looks him over, noting the box on his lap. He relaxes, his eyes gaining warmth again, and takes Bucky's still outstretched hand. 

“Are you ok?” He asks gently. Bucky doesn't miss Natasha rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, I’m, I'm fine,” he hesitates, searching Steve's face, “are you?” Steve squeezes his hand but doesn't say anything. He releases Bucky's hand only to sit next to him so their knees were barely touching.

Clint sits up straighter and leans forward.

“Wait, wait wait wait wait wait. You took Bucky’s hand, you're sitting next to Bucky, “ Clint says. Steve tenses, narrowing his eyes at Clint. “But you wouldn't shake  _ my _ hand? I thought that you didn’t like to be touched!”  Steve relaxes, and leans back a little.

“Bucky's different,” he says, almost matter of fact. 

“Aww, Steeeve-” Clint breaks off with a squawk as Nat flicks him in the forehead. He starts signing to her. She looks at him, unimpressed, and signs back. Bucky isn't fluent enough to follow, and a glance at Steve doesn't tell him whether or not Steve follows either.  Finally, Clint grins.

“Fine.” He turns back to Steve. “Fair enough. Sorry.” Steve nods, but doesn't say anything.

Bucky moves the pizza box off his lap back onto the coffee table, noting there was a folder on the table that he definitely didn't put there.

“So, bad news?” He asks Natasha. She tilts her head considering. She shrugs.

“No, not the way you're thinking,” she says to him, “A friend of mine told me that you visited the museum today,” she adds, glancing between Bucky and Steve, letting her gaze settle on Steve. “We have information on what happened between Captain Roger’s ‘death’ and probably whatever you first remember as Winter.” 

“It ain’t nice or pretty or anything. But if you want to know, if you don't know, we have that information,” Clint adds.

Steve’s gaze flicks to Clint. He swallows hard, but says “I need to know.” 

Clint nods in understanding. Natasha leans forward and picks up the folder on the table.

“According to history, Captain America crashed the  _ Valkyrie  _ in the early part of 1945. He was declared Missing in Action, until they discovered the plane in 1964 and the status was changed to Killed in Action.” Steve nods, silent. Bucky shivers a little, remembering the last time he heard those words.

“Apparently, any American school child learns that in school,” Natasha adds. Clint bumps his shoulder against hers. She opens the file and looks inside.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded off of the SSR, which Captain America was part of,” she stops and looks up at Steve, “That you were part of.” She hesitates but shakes her head and continues.

“Shield was officially founded early in 1949. That fall, they started a program called ‘Operation Paperclip’, recruiting former Nazi scientists to help further American programs.”

“Arnim Zola was one of those scientists,” Clint adds. Everyone looks to Steve to see if he reacts. When he doesn’t, his face carefully neutral, Clint goes on. “Apparently, he was crazy smart. Like, Stark level, or close to it. He made all sorts of stuff during the war, powered off of the Tesseract. Things that no one had ever seen before, that people don’t even see today. Stark’s suit is the closest thing there is to the energy that those things gave off.” He stops and turns to Natasha. “Did we tell Tony that he didn’t actually create the world's first AI? Technically, since Zola turned himself into one. I mean we blew him up, or he blew himself up, so maybe there isn’t any proof, but do you think Tony knows? Or does Zola not count since he used to be-”

“Clint, what does this have to do with anything?” Bucky interrupts. Clint stops and blinks, then he faces Bucky and Steve and blinks again. 

“Right, Zola, Winter Soldier. ‘Kay.” He clears his throat and starts again. “Point is, Zola created most if not all of Hydra’s designs. Starting from the smallest guns, to the giant tanks, all powered by the Tesseracts energy. He also designed and oversaw the building of the  _ Valkyrie _ .” He pauses dramatically, “Also powered by the Tesseract, according to Stark Sr.”

“We were able to go through some of Howards notes. Apparently he never put everything on Shield’s servers. Just left them in the basement for Tony.” Natasha’s lips quirk in a brief smile. “So, not only did Steve shoot out the navigational system, but once the Tesseract was taken out of it’s cradle, the  _ Valkyrie _ didn’t have a power source at all.”

Steve sits up straighter, and leans forward.

“I could have left it? It would have crashed itself?” He whispers. Natasha hesitates before answering.

“Maybe. The notes said there was still residue energy throughout the plane. It’s part of how they found it. But that also dissipated over the years, there was only a fraction of whatever was there when it crashed, so maybe not. It could have had enough power to continue on to the States and crashland here instead.”

“So it was all for nothing,” Steve said in despair.

“Not for nothing,” Clint says firmly. “Neither of us are scientists, and Tony rambles too much, but I think he was saying that there would have been enough power left over to get it far enough to cause some real damage. You crashing it was the best case scenario for that thing.” 

Bucky didn't think Steve looked convinced, but he didn't argue.

“So, Zola was captured by Captain America and interrogated by Col. Phillips. They found out Red Skulls plan, blah blah blah, and Captain America crashes into the arctic ocean to save us all. 

“This is where records get sketchy. Mostly because they’re old and it’s Hydra’s records.”

Natasha gives Clint a look and takes over. She looks directly at Steve. 

“There is no full official file on the Winter Soldier. Many pieces in may places, certainly, but we have been unable to find a single comprehensive folder that has everything. We are certain we’re still missing things.” She takes a deep breath and continues.

“Zola was held by the Allies, in America. Best we can tell, is he got a message to parts of the Soviet Union either just before his imprisonment ended, or just after he joined Shield. He would give them the information they needed to find the Captain’s body if they would both join him in rebuilding Hydra and let him use the body to recreate the serum. The groups he contacted, of course, agreed.”

Bucky made a face.

“Help me find a body so I can recreate the super soldier? What kind of deal is that?”

“There was probably an added incentive to use the soldiers against America, as the Cold War had started at that point.” Steve says,

Bucky thinks about that for a minute before asking, “Did you…?

Steve looks back blandly.

“Probably.”

Bucky nods and they both turn back to Natasha.

“Captain America is dead, has been for a couple of years at this point. We are estimating, due to Project Paperclip, he was found in 1949.” She reopens the folder.

“There’s no log on how the team found the Captain. No mention of which team, who was on the team, or any information Zola gave on the  _ Valkyrie _ . The next thing we have is a lab report, the initial findings on Captain America.” She looks up with a question in her eyes, and Steve nods once. She looks back down.

“‘The Subject was brought in still frozen. It sustained damage, most likely on impact. At least one broken arm, abrasions and cuts on the face, potential for broken legs. As to instructions, we have chipped away as much ice as we can without causing further damage. A saline bath has been prepared. The Subject will be submerged until we can attach life support. We anticipate bringing the body back to life so we can see how the serum works through a variety of experiments. All findings will be recorded and sent to Dr. Zola.’” Natasha stops reading but doesn’t look up. “It says that before they could add life support, the subject started waking up on his own. They did not, at that point, put him on life support or begin testing the limits of the serum beyond observation.” She does look up then. “Apparently it’s slightly horrifying for a corpse to wake up and attempt talking.” She looks back down at the folder. “They had him restrained, had to re-restrain him when he broke them a couple times, and made notes for how long it took for the pre-existing damage to heal, noting what made him cry out, when he passed out, what brought him back to consciousness. With the observations, along with some poking and prodding, they discovered internal injuries, more damage to the chest than previously thought, legs definitely broken in multiple places, and a concussion.” She unclips a photograph and holds it face down to Steve, shaking it once. Steve takes it and flips it over to look at. Bucky leans over a little to see as well.

It’s Steve in the Captain America suit, lying on a steel table, still covered in ice with people in white coats surrounding him, bits of equipment nearby too. He does not look peaceful.

Bucky’s feeling a little sick from the discussion, horrified that there had been people, that there were people, who cared so little about Steve. That he had been some kind of science experiment to them. He looks away from the picture up at Steve who is looking at him with a concerned gaze.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks quietly.

Bucky swallows hard, mouth dry.

“Shouldn't I be asking you that?”

Steve gives him what might be an amused look if it weren’t for how sad his eyes looked. How tired he seemed.

“This isn't even the worst of it Bucky. That is all pretty tame.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Bucky says, “You should never have had to go through this.”

Steve shrugs and hands the picture back to Natasha. She takes it and clips it back into the folder.

“What next.” Steve says, monotone.

“Business as usual,” Clint says.

“They had to lock you in a cell once you were fully awake. They didn’t have the equipment to restrain a supersoldier up at mostly full power. So they built some 

and sent word to Zola that you were alive. He responded with blueprints for a chair that would wipe memories. Said it would make it easier to do the tests if they had a blank participant. That if you survived, you could become the first of Hydra’s Soldiers.”

“I survived.” 

“Indeed.” Natasha agrees.

There’s a beat of silence, that Bucky breaks.

“What tests did they do?” He asks, almost afraid of the answer.

“Bucky,” Steve says gently.

“Please, Nat.” Bucky says, ignoring the hand Steve has placed on his shoulder.

Natasha looks between Steve and Bucky. But she relents and looks into the file again.

“First they had to do a type of physical. They wanted to make sure he was pretty close to a hundred percent to get the most accurate results.” Steve's hand tightens on Bucky's shoulder, but he doesn’t try to stop her.

“Then they started a number of things. Blood loss, broken bones, bullet wounds, burns, things they knew he could survive. Then they went to poisons and more deadly things, to see if he could survive that. There were also a number of medical experiments done to see what would happen. They were pleased that he survived everything, that they had a good idea of what the serum could handle. It made it better, apparently, that nothing they did left physical scars for longer than a month or two.”

“Medical experiments?” Bucky asks, definitely feeling sick now.

Natasha meets his eyes and they look at each other silently for a minute.

“No, Bucky,” She says. 

“But-”

“No.” She repeats firmly.

“She’s right, man,” Clint says, “We all have to live with this stuff, you don't need those nightmares.”

Bucky looks up at Steve, who shakes his head.

“Alright. I just-” he stops not sure how to finish the sentence.

“I know, Buck.” Steve says softly, “But it wouldn't help.” They both turn expectantly to Clint and Natasha.

“Experiments done, and a good idea of how much a supersoldier can handle, they start with brainwashing and training. Turning him into the assassin  _ The Winter Soldier.  _ Because why wait to make more super soldier assasins when you already have a supersoldier to work with.” Clint says, leaning back.

“One of the things they had to test for was how long a wipe would hold. So that they had a good idea of how long missions could be. In the early days, no longer than a week. But Dr. Zola would send upgrades on the chair every so often, and by the eighties it was up to a couple months,” Natasha adds, placing the folder down. “In Hydra’s records, the first kill by the Winter Soldier was in 1951.”

“Two years?” Steve breathes out.

“At least two years,” Clint says, “Possibly longer, since there isn’t a date on the records we found for the initial…  Tests” he finally goes with.

“Every so often, even if the wipes were deemed successful, the Soldier would gain a sense that something was wrong. Randomly. They could never figure out how or why,” Natasha tells him, “Drugs were used for a while to see if that would help, but the Soldier burned through them too quickly to make a difference. In the end, mission length was decreased dramatically after the Red Room when the Soldier helped as many escape as he could before being recaptured himself. He-” She stops, “You could never be used on long term missions after that because you kept remembering enough to know something was wrong. Even after the wipes. You kept trying to escape. Mission length had been decreased to a week at most if they wanted the Soldier on task and ‘stable’

“After the Soviet Union collapsed, you were officially transported to the American branch of Hydra.”

“Did they ever make more super soldier serum?” Bucky asks in the quiet.

“They did. Dr. Zola and Howard Stark were working on it. We assume that Howard found out about Hydra and Zola which is why Winter was sent to kill him, and recover the serum.”

“I killed Howard?” All eyes turn to Steve who is now sitting ramrod straight, eyes wide and horrified.

“You don't remember?” Clint asks cautiously.

“No, I,” he fumbles for his next words, “Does, does Iron Man know?”

Natasha and Clint share a look.

“Yes.” They say.

Steve leans forward, elbows on his knees.

“What did he say?”

Another look.

“You'll have to ask him yourself.” Natasha says.

Steve closes his eyes, dropping his head into his hands. Bucky reaches out and gently begins to rub his back.

“Is there anything else?” He asks them, hoping there isn’t. Natasha shakes her head.

“No, not right now.” 

Bucky nods, and sinks back into the couch, still gently rubbing Steve’s back. 

Clint opens a pizza box and starts to eat again. Natasha sits back and remains silent as Steve and Bucky take in everything. 

“We should get going,” Natasha says a while later. Bucky looks up, his hand stilling, but Steve doesn’t. She nudges Clint who nods and grabs some of the pizza boxes before standing. Natasha walks around the table to lay a hand on Bucky's shoulder.

“Text me later.” She says. Bucky nods and she smiles. Natasha looks over at Steve, whispers something, and steps away. Steve doesn’t respond.

Clint reaches his free hand across the table for Bucky to bump, which he does. 

“See ya, bro” he says with a smile and follows Natasha out the door.

In the quiet that follows, Steve’s breaths are an audible slow in and out, as if he's trying to keep calm.

“Are you alright?” Bucky asks, resuming the slow circles into Steve’s back.

“That’s a stupid question,” Steve mutters from behind his hands.  Bucky huffs in an approximation of a laugh.

“Yeah, I guess so.” They resume their silence. Steve eventually looks up, and looks blankly at the door, not quite seeing it. Bucky moves his hand off of Steve’s back, realizing it’s probably a little bit weird, and stands up. He pokes at the pizza boxes, definitely not hungry after Clint and Natasha’s visit.

Bucky turns around and notices the dark circles and tight lines around Steve’s eyes. He looks more exhausted and older than Bucky can ever remember seeing him.

“Steve?” No response. “Steve.” Steve blinks, but continues to stare into space. Bucky awkwardly kneels down in front of him, getting into his line of sight. “Hey Stevie,” he says very quietly, trying to get the other man’s attention. Steve blinks a couple more times, but his eyes settle on Bucky's face. “Where’d you go?” He asks, still quiet. Steve shakes his head.

“Just, remembering.” He says heavily. Bucky nods. 

“You hungry?” He asks, nodding at the table behind him. Steve makes a face, and Bucky laughs a little. “Yeah, me neither.” He straightens enough to sit on the table behind him, pushing the boxes away. He sees that Natasha left the folder. Picking up the folder, Bucky weighs it in his hands. It isn’t very heavy. Looking up, he sees Steve watching him, something between wariness and concern on his face. Bucky holds out the file, and Steve takes it, but doesn’t look through it.

“What now.” Bucky says, more a statement than a question. 

Steve sighs, but doesn’t otherwise respond. Bucky looks over at the pizza boxes and debates leaving them there until tomorrow, but decides to take care of them now. 

After putting them in the fridge, he leans against it to look at Steve. His shoulders are sagged, and his head is bowed slightly. Bucky is pretty sure he's still looking at the front cover of the file. Even from behind, he looks exhausted and maybe slightly defeated.

Bucky goes to stand by the arm of the couch where Steve is sitting. 

“Maybe,” Steve says hesitantly. He swallows hard, his eyes flick up to meet Bucky’s, but he looks away when he says “Do you think that-” he stops and shakes his head.

“Do I think what?” Bucky prompts. Steve shakes his head again and doesn't say anything more. Bucky waits.

“You should go to sleep. It's been a long day.” Steve says quietly.

“So should you,” Bucky points out, just as quiet. Steve’s lips quirk in a brief smile.

Bucky steps around the arm to stand in front of Steve, offering a hand to help him stand. Steve evaluates it for a moment before taking it and levering himself up. Bucky probably imagines Steve leaning into him for just a moment before stepping away.

They walk down the hall, Steve still holding the file, quietly. Bucky stop in front of the bedroom doors, and Steve takes a step into his before turning to look at Bucky.

“Bucky, I-” he stops again. He shakes his head again, and simply says, “goodnight, Buck.”

“Goodnight, Steve.” Bucky replies. Steve hesitates a moment, but shuts his door with a  _ click. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not thrilled with this chapter, but after arguing with it for so long, i decided to just post it. Hope you guys liked. :)
> 
> I _am_ going to tell you that I had a couple things that I thought would fit but couldn't make work for Reasons. 1) Clint upon realizing that the roommate is the Winter Soldier, draws a gun, and tells Bucky to run. It gets figured out quickly, but Bucky despairs of his assassin friends. (I think it was funny, but.) 2) Steve tries to get Bucky to leave about the same time Natasha hands him the picture. (He kept being successful, and I kinda needed Bucky to stick around) :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, thank you _so much_ for your patience. Really. And for the comments for making me Think Things along the way. Things that were mentioned in much earlier comments have made their way into this story. So thank you all so much for comments, kudos, and for sticking around. :) See you next time! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurt/comfort/fluff/pining/whatever this actually is.

Over the next few nights, Bucky expected Steve to wake up from nightmares. During the days, Bucky watched him to make sure he was okay. And while he was quieter than usual, it was nowhere near when he first arrived. When Bucky woke from his own nightmares, due to an overactive imagination and old memories, he never heard or saw Steve. He could only hope the other man was sleeping.

Bucky had decided that if he _did_ hear Steve having a nightmare, while he was up in the night, he would be sure to wake him up. So it came as a surprise, when a week later, it was Steve waking him up.

“Bucky! Bucky, you’re okay, I got you, you’re okay.”

Bucky opens his eyes to see Steve standing over him, haloed by the hallway light.

“Steve?” he croaks. Steve kneels down next to him, hands bunched up in Bucky’s blankets on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah.”

Bucky sits up and flicks on the lamp by his bed. In the light, it’s much easier to see Steve’s disheveled self. His hair is a mess from sleeping, but the look in his eyes make it seem like he hasn’t slept at all.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Bucky asks uncertainly.

Steve shakes his head, closing his eyes as he does so, and looks back up at Bucky with a humorless smile.

“No. Just uh, couldn’t sleep.” _Nightmares_ went unsaid, but not unheard.

“Aren’t we a pair.” Bucky sighs. Steve nods and they fall silent. Steve stays kneeling by the bed, hands still gripped in the sheets. Bucky turns his gaze down, staring at nothing, remnants of his nightmares still lingering.

When he finally looks up again, he notices Steve’s shudder.

“Com’ on,” Bucky sighs, swinging his legs off the bed. Steve startles and looks up at him as Bucky stands. Bucky holds out his hand to help Steve stand. “Let’s get some coffee.” Steve looks at Bucky’s hand but doesn’t take it, instead pushing himself up and standing himself. He tucks his hands under his arms and keeps his gaze on the floor. Bucky drops his hand.

“‘S too early for coffee Buck. It’s two a.m.”

“Never too early for coffee. Especially if you can’t sleep.”

Steve wrinkles his nose.

“Coffee is nasty anyway,” he mutters, gaze still on the ground, “don’t know why you like it.”

“Hot chocolate then,” Bucky says decisively, gesturing for Steve to lead the way out of the bedroom. Steve glances up at Bucky, but untucks his hands and leads the way out. He stops in the doorway, looking around, before walking down the hall. Bucky follows.

Steve is stopped in the entryway of the hall, peering around the kitchen and living room.

“Steve?” Bucky says softly, placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder. Steve grabs Bucky by the wrist, turning around, quickly twisting Bucky’s arm behind his back and shoving him into the wall.

Bucky lets out an _oof_ as all the air escapes his lungs, and Steve immediately lets go, backing away and cursing.

“Bucky, Bucky, are you alright?” he asks, both frightened and concerned.

Bucky takes in a deep breath, before turning around and facing Steve. Steve’s hands are fluttering like he wants to reach out, but is unsure if he should, his eyes wide and horrified.

“Yeah,” Bucky says after a moment. “Yeah, I’m alright.” And he is. His arm hurt a little from being twisted, and the air had been knocked out of him, but he didn't think he was bruised or anything.

“I’m so sorry-”

“It’s alright, Steve. Bad night, I get it.” He offers him a tired smile. Steve drops his hands, still looking distressed.

“That doesn’t make it okay, Bucky. I could have seriously hurt you.”

“But you didn’t,” Bucky sighs, rubbing his eyes. When he sees Steve open his mouth to argue some more, he says, “Steve. Just, stop. Rough night for both of us. If you need me to say I forgive you, fine. But seriously.”

Steve doesn’t say anything more, but remains out of arm's reach, troubled look in place.

“Come on, I’m still making us hot chocolate,” Bucky says, stepping around him. Steve grabs his arm, preventing him from getting very far. Bucky turns back, a little surprised.

Steve lets go of his wrist as if it burned him, but says,

“I need to make sure it’s safe first,”

“Steve,”

“Please, Bucky,” he says softly, dropping his gaze to their feet.

Bucky closes his eyes briefly.

“Why don’t you check while I make us hot chocolate.” He finally offers.

Steve hesitates but nods and steps away from Bucky out of the hall to begin walking around the room. Bucky watches as he checks the door frames, and behind pictures for a minute before he walks into the kitchen to make hot chocolate for both of them.

It doesn’t take long for Bucky to finish and he sits down with his mug at the counter, waiting for Steve to finish before drinking his chocolate.

Steve joins him before their drinks get cold. He gives Bucky a guilty look before sitting down next to him and taking his mug. They both sit there, mostly just staring at their mugs, taking sips occasionally; stealing glances at each other to be sure they’re alright.

Bucky eventually sighs and puts his head on the counter next to his half empty mug.

“You should go back to sleep,” Steve says softly. Bucky shakes his head against the counter.

“So should you,” Bucky says, turning his head to look up at Steve.

Steve shrugs and doesn’t look at Bucky.

“I think I’d rather stay out here.” He finally responds.

Bucky nods in understanding, before lifting his head off of the counter to take a sip of his drink.

“Want to talk about it?” Bucky offers. Steve shrugs.

When Bucky reaches a hand out, trying to comfort, Steve shies away, stumbling out of his chair.

Bucky tries not to feel hurt, reminding himself, that Steve generally doesn’t like to be touched, probably especially after a nightmare.

Steve must see the hurt on his face.

“Sorry, Bucky, I’m sorry.”

“You really don’t need to be sorry, Steve.” Bucky says, turning back to his mug.

Silence falls over them. It’s Steve who breaks it.

“I was killing you,” he says. Bucky looks up to see him, hunched in on himself, arms, tight around his middle. “I was killing you over and over again. When I woke up, You were screaming.”

“Steve…”

“I was so afraid that I had hurt you, that I got to you, I just sat there. I, I went to help, but you were just sleeping.” He takes a deep breath and looks Bucky in the eye. “But I’m still scared that somehow, I’m going to hurt you.” he looks back towards the hallway. “I guess I did.”

“Steve, I’m sorry.” But Steve just shakes his head. Bucky stands and stands just outside of arms reach. “Can I give you a hug?” he asks softly. Steve shudders, but doesn’t respond. Very slowly, giving him time to tell him to stop or back away, Bucky wraps his arms around a stiff Steve. Slowly, Steve relaxes and wraps his arms around Bucky, tightly. Bucky responds by tightening his hold. Steve drops his head into Bucky’s neck and shudders again.  When Bucky feels Steve’s tears on his neck, he doesn’t say anything, just tightens his grip and buries his face in Steve’s neck.

They stand there, wrapped around each other for a long time. It feels like it’s been hours when Bucky whispers,

“Hey, Steve.”

Steve huffs against Bucky’s neck in reply. Bucky smiles a little and turns his head to look down the hallway. He sighs, realizing they really _should_ go back to sleep. But he’s comfortable in Steve’s arms and really doesn’t want to be alone again. He turns back into Steve and sighs again.

“You should go back to sleep,” Steve says quietly, voice a little rough and lifting his head. Bucky doesn’t bother to reply. Steve’s arms tighten around him briefly, then he lets go and steps back. Bucky instantly misses Steve’s warmth.

When Bucky looks up at Steve, he sees that his eyes are a little red. Steve has his hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders rounded as he stares at the floor between them.

Bucky worries at his lip for a moment before getting an idea.

“Wait here,” he says, before turning and going down the hallway to his room to gather all the extra blankets and pillows he keeps in his closet. Looking at them, he realizes it's not as may as he thought. Shuffling them as best he can under one arm, he grabs the corner of the blankets on his own bed and tugs at them until they come free of the mattress. He walks back to the living room, only dropping a pillow. After dumping everything on the couch, ignoring Steve’s look of confusion, he quickly goes back to his room to get the pillows on his bed, snagging the fallen one from the hallway.

“Help me move that?” He asks Steve, nodding to the coffee table as he drops the pillows. Steve raises an eyebrow and picks up the coffee table himself. “Show off,” Bucky mutters, a smile tugging at his lips. “Just put it behind the couch,” he instructs, pointing towards the kitchen. While Steve does that, Bucky starts tossing everything into the empty space, making a blanket nest. He's still tugging everything into place when he feels Steve standing behind him.

When he finished, Bucky sits, turning around to smile up at Steve.

“I thought that we could sleep out here instead,” he says. Steve doesn’t say anything.  He just blinks at Bucky. His smile dims a little, and he rubs the back of his neck. “It's just, uhm. My sister and I would do blanket forts when we couldn’t sleep, or had bad dreams. Cuz, we didn’t really want to be alone, ya know. And I thought-” he waves his hand at the blankets and pillows around him, “- I guess it's not really a fort,” he rambles as Steve still doesn't say anything, his face blank, “more of a nest but there’s space for both of us if you want to. You don't have to! But I thought it might be nice and,” He stops and looks down at his hands.

“Okay.” Steve says softly. Bucky lifts his head, smiling again, only to see Steve’s retreating form. His heart drops and he looks down at his hands again, eyes suddenly burning. He swipes irritably at his eyes. This was a stupid idea.

He's pulled out of his thoughts when a pile of blankets are dropped in front of him. Looking up, Steve is standing there smiling bashfully.

“I thought I could contribute,” he says, sitting down, gesturing at the blankets and pillow he had brought.

Bucky smiles at him in relief.

“Thanks,” he says. They spend a couple minutes rearranging everything. When they finish, they end up laying down face to face. Bucky’s pretty pleased when he ends up with Steve’s pillow and one of Bucky’s blankets over both of them.

Steve yawns and his eyes drift closed.

“This was a great idea,” he mumbles. Bucky smiles softly at him. He has to stop himself from reaching out to take Steve's hand.

“Goodnight, Stevie.” He says softly, ignoring the urge to kiss his forehead.

Steve smiles, eyes still closed.

“Night, Buck.”

~/*\~

Bucky wakes feeling safe and warm. He sighs, rolling closer to the warmth and strong arms tighten around him. Confused, he opens his eyes and sees Steve’s sleeping form in front of him. Bucky blinks a couple times but mentally shrugs. He’’s warm and happy and with Steve. Their legs are tangled together and he feels safe. He cuddles closer, since he’s already in Steve’s arms, and who will know? falling back asleep.

~/*\~

“Bucky,” a voice whispers, waking him up. Bucky ignores it and tries to go back to sleep.

“Bucky, you need to get up.” The voice insists. Bucky whines and rolls over, burying his face in his pillow. He doesn’t want to wake up, he was having such a nice dream. He dreamt that he had fallen asleep next to Steve, that he had woken up in Steve’s arms. It was nice.

The voice laughs softly, and a hand starts petting his hair.  Bucky smiles and sighs, drifting off again.

His eyes shoot open as the blanket is ripped off him. He rolls onto his back and glares up at Steve who laughs at him.

“Bucky!” He laughs, doubling over, but still holding the blanket, “Your face!”  Bucky grumps a little and throws a pillow at him. Steve just laughs harder when it misses. He sits up and throws another one, this one hitting him in the face. Steve falls over.

“Ha!” Bucky shouts, and they both start laughing. Bucky flops back down into the blankets. Steve eventually crawls over and looks down at him, smirking.

“Good morning, Buck.”

Bucky's heart starts to beat quickly.

“Morning, Steve.” He says, voice cracking. Steve leans down just a little, before sitting back on his heels. Bucky, ignoring a surge of disappointment, sits up.

“Your alarm was going off,” Steve says after a moment of them looking at each other.

“What?”

“Your alarm,” Steve said, waving a hand at the kitchen, “It said ‘if you don’t wake up now, you’ll regret it’.” Steve raises his eyebrows, obviously amused. “So I woke you. So you wouldn’t regret it.”

“Gee, thanks.” Bucky deadpans.

“You’re welcome.” Steve says primly. They laugh again.  Bucky pushes himself to his feet and offers his hand to Steve. Steve takes it, pulling himself up. They’re standing pretty close, so Bucky lets go of his hand, and walks towards the kitchen.

“Cereal for breakfast?” He calls over his shoulder, hoping his cheeks aren’t as red as they feel.

“Sure,” Steve says, following him.

Bucky pulls out what they need, and they sit side by side at the counter. Bucky sneaks glances at Steve, taking in his adorable sleep rumpled appearance. He shakes his head and ignores his beating heart.

Maybe he should just tell him about his crush. It probably wouldn’t be the worst thing Steve had heard in his life. He grimaces. It definitely wouldn’t be, but Bucky had no way of knowing how he would react. What if he was disgusted and wanted to leave?  He didn’t want Steve to leave. He would rather pine in silence.

Bucky shakes his head. He wasn’t _pining_.

“Bucky?” Steve’s concerned voice, breaking through his thoughts, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I uh, it’s just that,” he glances around trying to think of something to say and he notices the time. “I’m going to be late for work if I don’t leave soon.”

“Oh,” Steve says, his eyes dropping down to his bowl. Bucky wondered if he was imagining the disappointed note in Steve’s voice.

They finish breakfast in silence, and Bucky hurries to go get dressed. He returns, just as quickly, stopping in the entryway of the hallway to look at Steve.

Steve has his head propped up on his fist, and he's staring into the his bowl as he stirs the contents around in lazy circles with his spoon. He looks up at Bucky, and gives a tired smile.

“I've gotta go to work now,” Bucky says. He opens and closes his mouth, deciding now really wasn’t the time to say something, and shakes his head again.

Steve nods, moving his hand to rest on the counter.

“Alright,” Steve says easily.

Bucky nods.

“See you back here?”

Steve’s smile goes softer.

“Yeah. Have a good day, Bucky.”

Bucky smiles back warmly, and leaves without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally part of what is now going to be chapter 19. But I got really stuck with that so I'm posting the part that I am _mostly_ happy with now. ~~And it's been forever so I wanted to post something~~.  
>  Hopefully the next chapter will be up before the end of the year. XD  
> My excuse for taking so long is Real Life Responsibilities had to take priority. Things are mostly okay now, so with any luck, I'll be able to write more.  
> Thank you all so much for your patience with me, and for your nice comments. And your feedback! :) Really appreciate it, and look forward to hearing from you all again. :)


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